He dropped me off at the bus station. I wanted to ask so badly when we would be able to meet again. But I also knew the answer. it depended entirely on Caroline and Arjun’s schedule. And I knew if I brought that topic out, we would end up fighting. I didn’t want to fight with him. I didn’t have a valid reason to explain why I can’t break up with Arjun, even when I love someone else.
“Do you have money for the ticket?”
“Yes”
“I love you baby”
“I love you too”
“Bye Nina”
“Bye”
I walked off quickly because I hated saying goodbye. It hurts knowing that although we study in the same college, we just can’t see each other whenever we want to, all because of Caroline and Arjun.
I wished Arjun would understand this was all a big mistake and break up with me. I wished Caroline would do the same. That was the only way we can be together.
I took the bus back to my hostel.

As I walked towards my hostel, I noticed a huge crowd of girls standing outside the main entrance. The same thing happend when George send the letter. My head started to spin. Did George find out about me and Beautiful Eyes? Did he send something that incriminates me? What will I tell Caroline and Arjun?
I was very careful wasn’t I? Where could he have seen me? At the bus station? There were so many people there, how could he have found me? Did someone follow me all the way from the hostel? I should have checked. Why was I so stupid?
Anitha saw me first and she shouted
“Where were you the whole day?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer her question. Should I say I went to visit my sister? What if my sister came to the hostel today to visit me? No that wouldn’t work. May be I should say I went to the library. But I didn’t have any books with me.
“I went to the hospital. There were couple of new cases”
I hoped she won’t ask me how I came to know about the cases or any other details of the cases. I missed the rounds on friday and I had no idea what new cases had been admitted.
“What is going on?” I asked her
“Didn’t you hear?”
“Hear what?”
“Sreeja committed suicide”
“What? Which Sreeja? Why?”
“You know the Kannadiga girl, Sreeja, she joined the college late. She was always on her own?”
“Sreeja? The one who was in my dissection group?”
“Yes, that one”
I knew her. She was such a quiet student. She was one of the few students that didn’t stay in the hostel. She and some of the other Kannadiga students rented a house near the college.
She hardly interacted with any of us because she couldn’t speak in English. But still, she was good in Anatomy, in fact much better than anyone in my group. Our group could answer all of Dr. Rajesh’s spot questions during dissection because of her. She used to whisper the answer and help us.
“Why?” I asked Anitha
“Don’t know. I guess she couldn’t cope. She must have been overwhelmed with studies” Anitha shrugged her shoulders.
She went off to talk with others who were discussing about possible reasons for Sreeja to commit suicide.
I leaned against the door grill, too shocked to even think.
“May be she was pregnant” One of the seniors suggested
“Could be. Why else would anyone commit suicide?” Others agreed.
“How do we find out? Did she date any guys? May be she was seeing someone! Anyway she and her Kannadiga gang were staying outside the hostel, No? Who knows what they would be doing?” Aparna asked
“We can always find out the autopsy result from Siddappa, the guy in charge of the mortuary.” Anitha suggested.
“Should we collect some money for her family?” Aparna asked
“Yeah I think we should. I heard she is from a very poor family. May be they can use the money for her funeral.” Anitha spoke
“What do you say Nina?” They asked me
“Sure” I opened my wallet. I had a 50 Rs note and few 5 Rs notes. 5 Rs is too little. 50 Rs? That is a lot of money. I could get at least 15 books from Eloor Library for that money. I took the 5 Rs and gave it to Anitha. I didn’t want to stick around there and listen to all the gossip so I went back to my room.

Although I have heard stories from seniors about medical students committing suicide, Sreeja was the first student to commit suicide in my batch. She was my batch mate. She sat next to me for 18 months. She wrote the exams with me. She waited outside the exam hall with me during the viva.
Yet I knew nothing about her. I never bothered to talk to her. I knew like everyone in my dissection group, I used her. I used her Anatomy knowledge.
Why didn’t I ever talk to her? Why didn’t I ever try to be a friend? If I did, would she have killed herself? Was the language isolation the cause of her death?
I studied in Malayalam medium and why did I not try to understand how hard it would have been for Sreeja to speak English? Why did I join the rest of my classmates and looked down on her and ignored her?
I took the 50 Rs from my wallet and walked out. Anitha was still outside.
“here” I gave the money to her
“Why, You want change?”
“No, give it to Sreeja’s family”
“Didn’t you give some money before you went to your room?”
“Yeah”
“Nina, this is a lot of money”
“It is ok” I walked off.
Can a 50 Rs note wash away the guilt? I certainly hoped so. At least I donated more money than everyone else, didn’t I?

Life and death were part of medical college life. There was no mourning, no lowering the flags, no nothing. It was always survival of the fittest. Those who couldn’t fit in were not fit to be remembered. I expected to see Arjun at the bus stop. He wasn’t there. Rupesh was there
“have you seen Arjun?” I asked him
“nah, he hasn’t come back”
“Ok”
“Missing him so much eh?”
“May be” I lied
“I will let him know as soon as I see him. Ok”
“Ok”

All the students in my group were crowding around the patient’s bed and listening to Dr. Narayan, head of the department explaining the case. Nobody ever skips Dr. Narayan’s rounds. He was famous for purposely failing any student who skips his classes. I felt someone tapping my shoulder. I turned to look
“Arjun. What are you doing here?”
“Can you come out now?”
“now, no. Can’t you see I am with Dr. Narayan?”
“What is going on there?” Dr. Narayan was looking at me
“Sir, he wants to know if he can attend the rounds with our batch” I spoke
“Which dept are you posted in young man?”
“Paediatrics sir”
“Then you should be in the Paediatric wards. Look at the patient.” Dr, Narayan pointed to the patient ” Does this pregnant lady looks like a paediatric patient to you?”
Everyone started to laugh.
“Sorry sir”
I saw Arjun quickly walking off.

After the rounds I looked for Arjun. He was waiting for me at the coffee shop.
“hey what was all that about? Why did you want me to skip the rounds?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Tell him what? Did he know about me and Beautiful Eyes? Did he know that I was two timing him? Damn it!
I looked at his face. Trying to see what exactly he knew. He looked so serious.
“Nina why didn’t you tell me that your family moved to Bangalore?”
“Huh? What?”
“I met your sister”
“Which one?”
“Liza. I met her at Koshy’s . She told me that your mother moved to Bangalore.”
What? Amma moved to Bangalore already? She never even bothered to let me know. Amma did talk about moving to Bangalore, but she could have let me know. I am her daughter for heaven’s sake
“I am sorry Arjun, I completely forgot about it”
“So now we both can go home every Saturday eh?”
“Hmm, that would be fun isn’t it” I smiled. Inside I was raging. How long was Amma planning to not let me know that she had moved to Bangalore?

S: I am sorry I never tried to be your friend. I am sorry I ignored you.
May your soul rest in peace.

Abraham the link I posted in my last comment is not right.. See this