would she?

“Akkachi, Has Amma come?” We pushed open the door and ran inside. I looked for her bags in the living room. There was no sign.
Akkachi came out of the kitchen wiping her hands
“No, She didn’t come.”
“Shhh” I placed my finger on my lips and told my sisters to keep quiet.
“I think Amma is playing hide and seek, let us go and find her.” I whispered.
Liza was giggling and I was angry with her
“Liza can you keep quiet please?”
“Nina, I am telling you the truth. She didn’t come.” Akkachi told me
“Yeah yeah, you always fool me. I know Amma is hiding some where in this house.”
“You check the kitchen and the toilet and be quiet” I told Liza
“You check the guest bedroom and the living room” I told Sally.
I quickly walked to my bed room. I checked behind the doors and even under the bed. She wasn’t there.
“Is she in your room? She isn’t in the kitchen and toilet.” Liza asked me.
“May be she is hiding in the guest bedroom”. I told her
“Nina, she isn’t here” Sally yelled from the guest bedroom
I checked all the rooms again. Amma wasn’t there. Then I went out, searched for her in the banana thicket.
She was no where to be found. Then it occured to me. She really didn’t come back.
“Where is Amma Nina?”
“I don’t know. You wait here, let me go and check the train station.”
“Nina, don’t go alone to the station at this time of the day. It is not safe” Akkachi was running towards me and I didn’t wait. I ran all the way to the station, ignoring Akkachi’s pleadings to turn back and come home.

There were many people at the station. Men were standing out side smoking. Women were standing in groups and talking and waiting in the platform.All waiting for the evening Venad express to go home. I saw the ticket collector standing near the steps.
I walked to where he was standing
“Sir, has the train from Delhi arrived ?”
He looked at me from top to bottom with his filthy eyes and his eyes finally found the ideal spot to rest, my chest. I adjusted my school uniform blouse. My blouse is tight and I asked Amma a thousand times for a new one. She never listens. I thought he didn’t hear my question
I asked again
“Sir, has the train from Delhi arrived?”
“Who is coming?”
“huh?” I looked at him trying to understand what he was asking me.
Without lifting his eyes off my chest, he repeated his question again.
“Who is coming from Delhi?”
“My mother”
“Is she working there?”
“Never mind” I walked away from those creepy eyes. I saw the porter smoking beedi in one corner of the station. It was the same porter who was cursing my mother 2 weeks ago. I really hoped he didn’t remember me.
“Chetta, Has the train from Delhi arrived?”
Mole, that train came 3 hours ago.”
“Are you sure?”
He nodded his head.

I walked home thinking of all the possibilities as to where my mother is?
Could she have missed the train? May be she actually came this afternoon, may be she went to buy groceries, but then why didn’t she come home first? I didn’t know what to think. Then it occured to me, may be Jesus is punishing me for trying to run away. I quickly apologised and made a promis to Jesus, ‘I will never ever run away, please don’t punish me, please bring Amma back’. I said my novena over and over for my mother’s safe return.

My sisters were standing near the front door with Akkachi.
“Did you see Amma?” Both of them asked me
“No I didn’t”
I looked at Akkachi and told her.” Train came 3 hours ago.”
“Don’t worry Nina, She might have had some reasons to delay her returning trip. She will be back tomorrow.”
Akkachi held me closer and hugged me tightly.
I so very badly wanted to cry, but if I did, my sisters would think something bad had happend to Amma and they would cry too.
“Akkachi I will take my shower”
“Wait few minutes Nina, I will heat the water for you.”
“Never mind Akkachi, I will take a cold water shower.
“Nina, you will catch a fever, if you bath in cold water during the monsoon”
“Never mind Akkachi, I will take a cold shower and dry my hair well.” My voice was raised and Akkachi didn’t say anything more.
I ran to the bathroom and closed the door.
I needed to be in the safety of the closed doors and the bathroom was the only place I could think of.
I poured the water out of the bucket and turned it around, So I could use the bucket as a seat. I looked at the water I just threw out and thought how my mother would have yelled at me for wasting so much water. Then I looked at the tap, because Akkachi didn’t close the tap properly and the water was dripping drop by drop.
Somewhere at the back of my head I could hear my mother yelling and saying
‘You are all born to make a pauper out of me. Responsibility is one word none of you know’
I started to laugh and then it occured to me, I came to the bathroom to cry and I am laughing now. I shook my head, trying to gain some sanity and told myself
enikku muzhuvatta'( I am mad).
I got up from the bucket and opend the tap to fill the bucket. I placed my hand in the water to check the temperature. It was Ice cold.
I told myself, I may be mad, but not mad enough to bath in this cold water.
I opend the door and yelled
“Akkachi, I need hot water”
“I thought you wanted a cold shower?” She yelled back from the kitchen
“I changed my mind”
“Who are you to change your mind every few seconds, Prime minister of India ah?”
“No I am not Prime Minister. I am Kochumaharani.”
Then I remembered my Ammachi and suddenly it occured to me, If Amma doesn’t come back, I can stay with Ammachi in Chengannur. I hoped Amma won’t come back.

12 thoughts on “would she?

  1. ppl staring at the chest of a 10 maybe 11 yr old… just the thought is disgusting.

    I posted the previous comment. appidi spelling mistake aa irrunu

  2. Life was sure complicated – and with disgusting people like this ticket-collector even harder! Did
    your Amma arrive the next day then? I’m curious to here the continuationm ..
    I missed to hear about Ammachi …

  3. Thanu: Only in India, men strip a woman with their eyes..

    Maya: me too

    silverine: I didn’t see my grandmother for the next 5 yrs!

    Dawn: You can’t trust anyone..

    Neihal: In India, they are still around..hiding under many faces..

    Dewdrops: thanks

    Has to be me: she did

    I love Munich: In those times I mised Ammachi more than anything..

    Lg: she did..to start another war..

    Starrynights: Little things make a lot of difference..

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