After the men ate, the remaining food was served in the kitchen for the women. All the women rushed to get a share of what was left. All the while they were eating the boiled tapioca and fish curry and later munching the vada, I sat there hoping someone would offer me something to eat. I was told by mother that I should wait for someone to offer me food and I have been waiting, my last meal was in the morning and all the walk to the church and wedding and the walk to your grandfather’s house has made me very tired. I was hungry, tired and scared. I tasted what hunger is for the first time in my life. I was the center of all the discussion yet no one thought of giving me something to eat. The smell of parippu payasam with cashew nuts fried in ghee would make any sane person hungry and the payasam that I thought I would get to drink as much as I wanted for getting married was finished by all the woman and some were even scraping the burnt part from the bottom of the vessel and eating it with fresh milk.”
“My father left me in the evening and I remember crying and running behind him and begging him not to leave me alone in your Appachan’s house. Your appachan came to me and told me in a gruff voice‘ Chinnamma you are my wife now and this is your home. You will be staying here all the time’ “
I was so angry with your appachan for taking me away from my parents and I bit him on his hand when he tried to pull me inside the house! Seeing this my mother-in-law swore and cursed me and took the broom that was lying there and hit me on my head. I was given a mat and was told to sleep on the kitchen floor that night as a punishment.
“I slept thinking of my parents and my home and my friends that I left behind. I also realised that was the first of many days that I would be sleeping hungry and my eyes would always hurt in the morning after crying through out the night.”
what!!
did this really happen?
being hit by a broom and all…?
am coming back in here again
i love parippu paysam that my mom makes..she calls it pradaman
Maya cassis:Actually, my grandmother told me, her MIL turned the broom around and held the bottom part in her hand, so she could hit with the head part of the broom, which would make it more painful ofcourse!
Gosh! the food and the payasam made me to read all the way…but that was so sad…!
I will come back to read more..till then
cheers
Is this real?.. dont tell me even now people exsist like that?.. then dont she revolt?.. why can’t mil undersatnd when she got married?..
Sujit: there are still people murdering their daughter in law, so the son can marry again and get more dowry?
What can a 11 year old child bride do? revolt against whom? The system, that till Mary roy faught disriminated women? Once you are married, you are at the mercy of your husband and his family..
ohh! so sad!
This is such a moving narrative. I can almost picture the little girl and her plight. I mean at 11 years old, nothing she can do but take everything in her stride. Gosh! I cannot imagine going through what your grandmother went through.
Btw, love parippu payasam and adapradhaman.
I am shocked to read ur answer to Sujit…! I dont believe we are so helpless…no! Its we who decide..by giving up…women have to be strong…n not get carried away with emotions…! Oh dont tell me this happens even today!!!!
I just cant bear that..!
Dawn:unfortunately, most people live in denials.
When I worked as a doctor in india I have seen enough cases of domestic abuse, done enough post mortem on women who has been burned to death using the traditional kerosene stove explosion method etc
My most remarkable patient was a 19 yr old muslim girl. She stayed 10 mints away from the hospital. She had placenta previa. Each time the girl came for check up she looked at me as though she wanted to tell me something. i was 22 and didn’t really understand what she was trying to tell me. I let her husband’s family know the risk of placenta previa and how we should admit her to the hospital. If she gets in to labour, she would bleed to death. They said, since they stay 10 mints away from the hospital, they wouldn’t want to admit her at 7 months itself.(BTW, there are no law that allows me to forcefully admit a patient to the hospital, even if the life is in danger) They would take good care of her. the girl’s parents wanted to take her home, according to the customs, where the girl’s first pregnancy expenses are taken care of by her parents. Again the boy’s family used the same excuse that they stay close to the hospital, so let her stay with them. I even had matched her blood group and stored blood for her in the hospital blood bank.
They did bring her to the hospital, but only after she bled to death. There was not a tear from her husband or his family. And you tell me, that women should fight? Against whom? What was the justice for that girl and her unborn child? There was no case..You think the indian criminal justice works?
And I can assure you it is still happening in India..
Its sad to hear and I guess education and awareness should bring enlightment…!
I replied to u on the email..so not writing here !
Thnx
cheers
oh My GOD!what brutes lived on this earth and still do!!!!!!
I am still haunted by the look that girl gave me each time she I saw her.. I failed her by not finding a way to admit her. She knew they wouldn’t bring her to the hospital.
Her husband.. he must have married BIWI no 2 with more dowry..
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Dowry is as bad as it sounds…may be more…Dowry? what the hell…..in middle east, men has to give dowry to girl…that also not doing any good…either way, we are marrying coz, we want raise our children, we need some one to love(in all sense)and so its a mutual need and I see no point any part is inferior to other…one should respect his wife and wife should do the same. without mutual respect,marriage is unsuccefful for sure… love and affection without conditions(money, looks)…thats what the need of time.
you are marrying, coz you need a wife or a husband…why the hell should you take or demand money along with it? the most ridicolous thing among us!