“Nina, I have taken leave today.we will go to the medical college hospital to remove the cast from your leg”. Amma told me in the morning.
“Why?”
“I want to make sure both your legs are equal size and there is no shortening, after the bone is healed. They have better doctors at the medical college hospital. You know, we will have to pay a lot more money as dowry if you have a limp”
“Dowry dowry dowry, that is all you think of. I am not getting married and you don’t have to pay any dowry for me. I am tired of hearing about you having to pay more dowry because I am deaf and dumb and blind.”
“Oh, so you plan to stay at home and be a burden to me in my old age eh?”
“No. I am not. I will find a job and my own place and I promise, I won’t be a burden to you. I am sorry I am born this way, but I won’t be a burden to you.”
“What job? You can’t even score a double digit marks for your class exam. Look at your older sister. She managed to get admission for Engineering in IIT in the first attempt itself and you are still getting 0’s every exam”
“That is not fair Amma.I didn’t get 0’s when we were in Malaysia. I scored straight A’s for my UPSR!”
“Yeah yeah, you did, anyone can score striaght A’s in Malaysia. In that stupid country even a buffalo can score straight A. If you are that smart, then why are you not scoring striaght A’s here?”
“Because I don’t understand Malayalam Amma. You never taught me Malayalam before we came here. Maria went to english medium and she didn’t have any problems. I went to Malay school and now I have to learn everything in Malayalam”
“Oh, Now you are blaming me for all your failures. How dare you Nina? After all that I have done for you, you still have the audacity to blame me for everything?”
“I am not blaming you Amma. I am sorry I opened my mouth to speak. I don’t want to talk anymore.” I walked away
“Just like your father. Can never stand losing an argument. Walking away is your father’s way to end an argument.Like father, like daughter. Sore losers!”

I looked at my mother and wondered, ‘ what is wrong with my mother.what exactly did she do for me? Gave birth to me? She did the same for my sisters too. I didn’t understand why my mother was picking on me all the time. My heart felt heavy. My mother always makes it a point to tell me that I am a burden to her. I wished I would just die. If only I died that day when I fell down from the wall. I wouldn’t have to go through all these.’

“Wait here”. Amma pointed to a chair at the orthopaedics waiting room at Kottayam medical college hospital.
“Where are you going Amma?”
“It is going to take a long time to see the Dr. I am not going to sit here and waste my time. I will come back later. When they call your name, go and see the Dr. Tell him to meassure your legs and see that it is equal.”
My mother didn’t even wait for me to say anything. She just walked off, leaving me all alone in the waiting room.
I felt scared. I tried to organize my thoughts. ‘What would I do, if Amma doesn’t return? Is she trying to Abandon me? if she doesn’t return, how will I go home? I don’t have money for the bus fare. I regretted not taking the 25Paise Akkachi gave me for Onam.
I looked around me, there were so many people. Everyone was looking at me. I felt weird. I didn’t want anyone to see that I am scared. I pretended that I am a brave girl. After all, I am Methran Thambi’s grand daughter!.
I thought about my Ammachi, who is waiting for me to visit her. First I was worried that Amma might have abandoned me and now I hoped she won’t return to fetch me. May be then I can borrow money from someone in the hospital and go to Chengannur and stay with my Ammachi.
I looked at the man sitting next to me. He had no leg below his right knee. His crutches were next to him. I looked at the stump and the crutches.. It looked scary. I was sure he won’t have any money to lend me. There were many nurses in white uniform going in and out of the out patient department. May be I will borrow ticket money from one of them. .
“Nina Thomas”
I heard someone calling my name. I looked up and saw the nurse holding a folder and calling out my name. I raised my hand and slowly got up from the chair.
“Are you alone? Who is with you?” The nurse asked me.
“No I am not alone. My mother came with me. She just went out to get something.” I silently hoped the other people waiting there will not tell the nurse that, Amma just left me here and went.
“Do you want to wait for your mother?”
I smiled at her sweetly and told her
“I am a big girl now, I can see the Dr myslef.”
The nurse looked at me sceptically.
“Really aunty. I am fine, I will see the Dr myself.”
I was taken to the Dr’s consulting room. I was expecting to see an old male Dr, with bifocal lenses. I was surprised to see a young lady doctor. I heard the nurse telling the Dr that I am alone and the Dr telling her, that is fine.
“So you are Nina Thomas?”
“Yes”. I nodded my head
“Why are you here?
“Amma wants me to have a through check up after my leg healed.”
“How did you break your leg?”
“I climbed the wall and fell down”
“You are a naughty girl, aren’t you”
“No, I am not”. I thought of telling her the robber story. But I knew she would know the truth.
She examined my legs. “Everything is ok. Your leg is fine”
“Are my legs equal in length?”
“Yes they are. There is no shortening. Your legs are fine”.
“Thank God”. I said it a bit louder accidentally
The Doctor looked at me. I felt she thought that I am vain, when there are many people in that ward with no legs, I am concerned about a slight limp.
“Actually I am not really worried about a limp. It is my mother. She thinks that she has to pay more dowry if I have a limp.”
“Did she really tell you that?”
“Hmm” I nodded my head
“Well, Nina, if you study well, you will get a good job and you don’t have to worry about dowry.”
“See, that is my problem. I am not good at my studies. I got ‘0’ for most of my subjects for onam exam”
“That is impossible. You are a smart girl. How can you score ‘0’?”
“I used to score well,when we were in Malaysia. Now I don’t understand malayalam and I score badly.”
“You are from Malaysia?”
“yes, but please don’t tell my mother that I told you that. She will kill me.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t”
“When did you come back from Malaysia?”
“A year ago.”
“So you are learning Malayalam now”
“Yes, and it is so difficult. I learned all the subjects in Malay and there are no Malay to Malayalam dictionary. So I don’t understand what I am studying now.”
“You know something, I will tell you what you can do. Go around your neighbourhood and find all the old textbooks from Standard 1 onwards. Start reading those books, then you learn your basics in Malayalam and in no time you will understand what you are studying now”
I looked at the Dr. She just opened a world of opportunities for me. Why didn’t anyone tell me this earlier?