I was told that I really ought to reconsider wanting to send my children to an American university because I will lose control of them. ( control povum). This fact was further reiterated by letting me know that American Universities do not even send report card of the child to the parents.
Two things bothered me with the above assumption. One is the Indian parents’ need to be in control and the other is their inability to accept that children grow in to adults and therefor do not need the parents to be involved in their day to day life when they are at the University. ( And the University understands that, the reason why they don’t send the report card home)
My (second) cousins who were born and raised in US were not allowed to go for the high school prom because their parents decided that Prom isn’t culturally acceptable. The parents control every bit of their child’s life with a Mallu yardstick. I find that attitude extremely unfair. It was the parents who chose to live in US and if they wanted to raise their children like how they were raised in Kerala, then they should have stayed back in Kerala. ( Isn’t it odd that girls in Kerala wear saree for social ( I did in my 10th) and wear kerala saree on Nov 1 and attend the street march or whatever you call ( Jaatha) and that is culturally acceptable?)
As for control, what exactly does one expect to gain from controlling every move their child make? As I said before, my mother tried that and if she knew all the things I have done while she was under the impression that she was in full control of my life, she will have a heart attack.
My job as a parent is to guide and guard my children. I have taught them what is right and what is wrong. I really don’t want to see their report card when they are in Universities for they should know by then that they are the captains of their ship, if they work hard, they get good grades, they don’t, it is their grades that suffer, the outcome only affects them, not me. I have done my job by then.