“It” is the elephant in the room and its name is sex. This probably is the most difficult topic that I have faced until now as a parent.
There is me and my background as an Indian who was taught that sex before marriage is wrong, then there is me the quasi feminist who believe that a woman’s body is her own and she has a right to do what she wants with her body and there is me, the parent raising children without any cultural taboo and finding it difficult to cope with it all.
My friend who is a staunch Catholic told me about the story about the double bed. Her 17 year old daughter was going out with a boy who was her friend since grade 7 and also the son of her ( mother’s) best friend. The boy has spend many nights at their home and one day the daughter asked her mother “Mom, do you really mind buying me a double bed?”
The progression from single bed to double bed was inevitable. You could blame the mother for allowing the boy to stay over or you could think of yourself the same age and remember all the things you have done.
She also told me that she would rather have her child safe in her own home than be somewhere else where she might not be safe.
I want my children to be safe. I know sex is going to be inevitable. I don’t know how to handle when my child request a bed upgrade. I can hear amma saying “azhichu vittu valarthikko”
When one goes for teenage sex he doesn’t care for his parents or the girls’s parents.Moreover he thinks he is doing it cautiously,carefully and safely, eliminating all possibilities of consequences. The paramount feeling, the enjoyment. When it comes to his daughter the scenario changes and he is reluctant to accept it. Reasons. One. the fear of the repercussions in the society. Two..His selfishness. Three Envy. These two in the sub-conscious mind.
Sarah,your confusion is due to the reminiscence of Indian culture deep rooted in you still refusing to leave you.
Try and overcome ‘It’.
Bipin: Here, I don’t belong to any Mallu association, my sisters and most of my cousins are married to Caucasians..I am very progressive in my thinking..yet like you said ..my cultural roots are still a baggage I seem to carry..You are right..that I need to overcome “it”