Daughter of a very dear friend is going through awful teenage rebellion. I have known the child since she was 3. Both her parents are Ivy League graduates, intelligent,well read, financially well to do and have a very supportive family network. For her Bat Mitzvah, her entire family ( grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins) came from around the world to celebrate. She has been a well behaved child until recently and without any reason, she decided one fine morning that she will not listen to her mother and that her mother has no rights to tell her to do anything. It is a matter of principle, she says.

She decided that she will go to bed when she wants to, not when her mother wants to. The past few months she went to bed at 3 AM, woke up at 8.30 AM and made it to school with a second to spare, without brushing her teeth, taking a shower etc.

She decided that she will watch any movies she wants to and watch them until 3 AM..

She decided that she likes to wear sweat pants and have been wearing the same  t shirt for weeks.

She decided not to join family for meals and don’t talk to any family members.

So far her mother has tried to be nice and explain to her why she needs to go to bed on time etc, when that didn’t work, punished her by not letting her visit friends or have friends over, took her phone away, facebook away etc..and each punishment was met with the same war cry, “do your worst, but you can’t make me listen to you, I will do what I want”

My youngest has been going through her rebellious state the past few months and have started to call her siblings names. I hate children calling each other names and I have warned her clearly that she will end up sitting in the corner for a whole one hour if she called her siblings names. Which she did on Saturday and I told her to sit in the corner.

She looked at me very angrily and told me ” you can’t make me” and proceeded to walk to her room and then slammed the door.

I have never faced this until now, I am so used to Yaya and Toothless listening to me. They will both accept punishments though grudgingly, not that I have punished either of them for a very long time.

It was really shocking to see my baby behaving like this. Clearly she was wrong and she knew she was wrong, but she chose to give me an attitude. After hearing my friend’s woes, I realized that taking away her privileges is only going to make things worst. I will not hit my children or hurt them physically

So I went to her room and when I opened the door she yelled ” What do you want”

I wanted to tell her, this is my house and she better understand that and treat me well. But I controlled my temper.

I told her ” your body right now is a hormone war zone. However that doesn’t excuse your behaviour. I had warned you in advance not to call your siblings names and you disobeyed me and when I told you sit in the corner, you chose to ignore me and tell me I can’t make you. You are right that I will not physically hurt you and make you sit in the corner. But, you need to remember that, in this whole world, I am the only person who loves you unconditionally, I am the one who will always be there for you, and when you behave like this, all you are achieving Is making an enemy out of the one person who loves you and stands by you. If you think that is worth it, by all means ignore my punishment, otherwise, you must come outside and sit in the corner within the next one minute.”

She did sit in the corner with tears streaming down her cheeks. Although I did say, she has to sit for an hour, I let her go after 10 minutes.

Yesterday during dinner, we were talking about unusual names for children and Yaya showed us the youtube video of the British woman who chooses her children’s friends according to their name (http://media.smh.com.au/news/world-news/what-a-snob-mum-judges-children-by-their-names-4546882.html) I said, she is an idiot.  My son heard me and said “mom, all for one, one for all” ie  the rules should be the same across the board. If I tell my children they can’t call anyone names, then I can’t either.  “you have to sit in the corner” they said unanimously. My youngest was the happiest to see her mom sit in the corner and I wanted to show her that, it is much easier for everyone to follow the rules.

I did and like them every second I asked ” can I get up now?”

“My god, she is such a pest” said my son and found himself sitting next to me.

After 5 minutes Yaya felt sorry and freed us from our punishment.

Before my youngest went to bed, she came to me and apologized for the way she behaved and told me ” you are the best mom in the whole wide world”

I know, I won this round, but after seeing what my friend is going through with her daughter, I am not sure what the future has in store for me.