My mother: My burden

All through my childhood her common manthra was “I don’t need any of you ( us daughters + her husband). I will get Govt of India pension when I retire!”

I was actually glad as a child because I knew I would never have to worry about my mother. After all she is eligible for the GOI Pension!

What was my mother thinking?
Where was she planning to live?
With whom was she planning to live?
she has 4 daughters and she should have known that it is not culturally accepted for mothers to stay with daughters.

She was born in to a well to do family, got married in to a well to do family, she has been working since the age of 20.

Yet, here she is, 74 years old, no home to go to and no one to look after her.
All her wordly possessions occupies one suitcase.
She still gets the pension, which is not enough to buy her medicines.
For all that she did to me, I want to send her to an old folks home, far far away, so I will never have to see her again.
But she is still my mother.
And I will still take care of her.
Right now I wish I could do it without feeling bitter.
That is the hardest part.
I can spend money and take care of her. But I can’t do it with love.
I do it because it is my duty.
I hate myself

5 thoughts on “My mother: My burden

  1. C'mon…Its good enough that you're taking care of her; Better still that you are aware of your conflicting feelings and is not feeling great about it, but is doing it anyway!
    So, a pat on the back!

  2. Sarah, my personal view point–I don't think your sending your mother to a good old people's home–maybe in Kerala itself, is such a bad idea, because she would be in a place she is used to and could speak her language too. Besides, I don't think one should ever look after anyone out of a sense of duty alone–it only leads to much unhappiness. In this case your bitterness will increase and that negativity will spill over onto your kids, and she will only feel unloved and increasingly a burden which negativity will then, of course, spill out even more over you.
    This is just my opinion.

  3. Nilu: It is so hard!


    Susan: Can't send her to an old folks home as she hates when someone gets to make the decisions. She wants to be in charge. she wants there will always be conflicts and we (the 4 of us) will be in the middle..the only reason I look after her is the sense of duty. she gave birth to me, raised me and I owe her tht much..but the price I pay is huge..

  4. Sarah,I am reading your blog for a long time.want to say some thing.I too have a father who never cared about us when we were young. He was some sort of a visitor to us. At the age of 84, he is being taken care of by my brother and supported by all others. It is our duty. At least for the sake of it,do it.Otherwise it is some sort of revenge which is not at all correct.And I understand that there are lot many people like us ill treated by their parents,still not paying back in the same way.May god bless you and your children

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