I thought about Dr. Bhatti saying ‘Everyone believes in something’
I wondered what do I believe in?
I knew without a doubt that I didn’t believe in Christ. I couldn’t accept immaculate conception for two main reasons. Scientifically it wasn’t possible and every major civilization had a historical story of Immaculate conception.
Birth of Horus, Egyptian god Ra, Phyrgian God Attis , Greek god Dionysos, Syrian God Adonis, Persian God Mithra were all supposed to be Virgin births.
There are even historical trinities like the Egyptian Trinity ( Osiris, Isis, Horus) or the Hindu Trinity ( Trimurthy Brahma, Vishnu, Shiva)
I also held the church ( whatever denomination) responsible for a lot of crime committed against mankind. One hand they preached the love of Jesus, kindness and compassion and on the other hand they practiced murder of innocent civilians.
I didn’t want the blood of innocent people on my hand and I refused to believe in something that continued to practice exclusion policies.
How can I believe God created all of us equally and still expect me to condemn homosexuality?
Who created the homosexual?
I realized I was still thinking of what I didn’t believe in when I should be thinking about what I believe in?
It was true that I didn’t believe in any religion.
I believed in Karma.
I also believed that whatever has to happen will happen.
Was there God? Probably not. I couldn’t say No for sure.
Would Praying to him/her alter the course of your life? No. I was pretty sure of that. because if that was true, then there would be no sick people on earth, no one would be hungry, no wars needed to be fought and everyone would have won the lottery.
I was confused.
Because I still didn’t know what I believed in. This question was becoming the Chicken or the Egg for me.
I will think about it after the exams. I told myself.
Right now I needed to get ready and shove the Med cert on Princy’s face. I knew I shouldn’t think like that. He is the Principal and deserved my respect.
But how to respect someone who was rude and obnoxious? I tried to convince myself that I had a reason to be angry with princy. But I knew I was wrong
‘Ok, Ok Ok, I am sorry for thinking like that. I will gently present the med cert to princy’
I got ready, ate rock hard Rava idli and then went to Princy’s office. His door was closed.
“yes” His attendant got up from the chair by the side of the door.
“I want to see Princy?” I told him, hoping he would notice from my stern voice that I don’t give a damn if he was the honourable assistant of the Princy.
“What for?”
To get married, I thought of telling him that.
“personal matter” I spoke
“He is in a meeting”
“what time will it be over?”
“Don’t know” He shrugged his shoulder, sat down on the chair and went back to reading the Kannada News paper. I knew, he knew what time the meeting will be over. He just wanted to make my life a bit difficult because I refused to fall on his feet and worship him.
I might as well go and see Dr. Murthy.
I walked back to the Pharmacology dept.
I was relieved to see that Dr. Murthy was in his office. I knew I didn’t do anything to get in to trouble, but still my heart started to pound. There was always the fear of the unknown.
Did Dr. Murthy know about me paying the peon to forge my attendance? But I never bunked any of Dr. Murthy’s classes. I only skipped the lectures by the chotta motta lecturers.
I knocked at the door.
Dr.Murthy looked up.
I smiled a brilliant smile worthy of an Oscar.
“Come in, Come in, Have a seat”
“Thank you sir” I pulled a chair and sat down while trying to figure out why he asked me to sit down. If he asked me to sit down then it means that we are in for a long discussion. What did I do for this long session??
Must be the attendance.
Damn. I shouldn’t have done it. If I had attended the class then I wouldn’t have had any trouble. I promise, I promise I will never bunk any classes. I told myself.
“How is your revision coming along?”
Revision? kadavuley I haven’t even bought a text book.
“Very well sir” I spoke.
“You are aware of the gold medal for the top student. Hmm?”
“Yes sir”
Gold medal? I just want to pass the damn exam.
“Good” Dr. Murthy nodded his head.
“Have you gone through the previous year questions?”
“Yes sir”
No sir, I am lying. I haven’t had a chance to even read the notes yet.
“Do you have any doubts?”
“No sir”
“For internals, You need to concentrate on Cholinergics. Do you understand? Hmm?”
What? Did Dr. Murthy actually tell me the topic for the main question?
I looked at him
“Concentrate on Cholinergics Ok. Hmm?”
“Ok Sir”
“You didn’t go for the morning rounds?”
“no sir” I almost whispered the answer. Now Dr. Murthy is going to tell Princy that I skipped the rounds. Oh, why am I so stupid? Why couldn’t I wait till the afternoon to go and see Dr. Murthy. idiot. I scolded myself.
“Busy revising eh? Hmm?”
“Yes sir”
“Ok, run along. If you have any doubt, you can come and ask me. Ok Hmm”
“Thank you sir”
I got up and bolted out of the room. I was so happy, not because of the Gold medal, but at least I knew I only needed to study Cholinergic to pass the internals. I still have another 6 to 7 weeks before the externals. Enough time to study.
I walked back to the Princy’s office. The door was still closed.
“here” I passed the med cert to Princy’s assistant.
“Please give it to Princy” I told him.
“What is this?”
Marriage certificate. I thought of telling him.
“Medical certificate” I replied
But you smiled at Dr.Murthy and he treated you well, the same way if you had shown little respecting smile (or asking how he is doing etc..) to the assistant he would have treated you well too. I am talking to the old Neena 🙂
Venu: Respect is earned, not something one can ‘expect’ by merely having an association with someone in higher authority.
You can not daisy chain respect..
I don’t have any issues respecting an assistant as an assistant, but I do have a problem when the assistant expects and demands the same respect given to his boss. There is always an issue of underlying threat and power and I object strongly to someone trying to threaten me by their powerful association.
A smile has amazing power to make others feel good, no matter whom and where it is. I understand that people such as assistants and peons in India do behave out of their normal duty boundaries, and give people hard time. They assume the aura of arrogance that surrounds their bosses. However a smile strokes their ego, and mellows them down. Goal here is not to make them feel better, or please them, just a trick to get the things done, easily. It works in your own favor, as I try not fighting with system, which I cannot fix.
However a smile is completely different thing in USA. It is etiquette and you cannot be rude to the people, even if you are having a bad day and you absolutely hate the person who is mostly trying to follow some dumb rule or procedure.
But for the most part, a smile even from a passer by brightens my day.