My biggest fear in my life is that I would turn out to be like my mother.
There is nothing worst than becoming a person like my mother, because I have been at the receiving end of her wrath and I know how it feels.
Yet for a mere matter of my child losing a retainer, I acted just like her.
I know I can justify my anger by saying that December is a very expensive month for me. ( I have to buy Christmas gifts for the kids, I also have to get Mr. Nick’s gifts and then I have to send money and get my friends in India to send gifts for the kids purportedly from their loving Ammachi, so my kids continue to believe that their Ammachi loves them). I didn’t want to have additional expenses added to my fast depleting bank balance.
But the thing is, My mother too can justify her own actions.
Imagine having to raise 4 daughters all by herself.
My son is back to being the happy and cheerful ( Yaya would add Annoying) guy that he is. He told me this morning that “You are the best mother on planet earth” (Of course I made his favourite tortilla de patatas for his school lunch!)
Yet I keep looking at the letter he wrote to me and I remember sitting in my room and scribbling on every scrap piece of paper How much I hate you Amma.
I don’t want to be like my mother.