“oh, you are back!”
Shylaja opened the door and was staring at me. I quickly wiped my tears.
“Are you ok?” She asked
“oh yes”
I got up quickly and put all the cards back in the plastic cover. I didn’t want to discuss why I was upset with Shylaja, so I ignored her and went out.
Anitha was standing in the corridors
“Hi Nina”
“hi” I replied.
“Did you hear?” She asked
” what?”
“We have a new Associate prof for Micro”
“Really?”
“Hmm, Guess what, He is a Malayalee”
“Really”
“Lucky you” One of the North Indian girls spoke while looking at both of us.
It was true. Anitha and I and all the other mallu students were indeed lucky. It isn’t often we have a Mallu lecturer in our college. Having someone from our home state meant a bit of favouritism and chance of passing the viva!
Not that I needed extra help to pass Microbiology. I loved microbiology. But perhaps now I could aim for getting the gold medal ( especially with the help of my fellow country man!)
“What is his name?” I asked Anitha
“Dr. Gopal something something”
“hmm”
I mumbled. I was already dreaming of winning the shiny gold medal.
“Did you bring anything from home?” Anitha asked
“yeah, I got pickles and Shrikhand” I replied
“Shrikhand? Anitha howled. “You brought Shrikhand? Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
Before I had time to react, half the girls in my class were already in my room and eating the Shrikhand Arjun’s mother made for me.
“Your mom makes the best Shrikhand Nina” Anitha spoke. “I wished my mother knew how to make North Indian sweets. She only knows to make the boring payasam. You are so lucky”
I wanted to scream at the top of my voice and tell her that I am not lucky, my mother doesn’t know how to make Shrikhand and even if she knew, she wouldn’t make it for me. I so very badly wanted to tell the truth that Arjun’s mother made the Shrikhand. I wanted to give the credit where it was due.
But like all the (mis)information I have encouraged my friends to create and believe before, this too was something that I didn’t plan to, but ended up doing.

I didn’t want to hear all the snide remarks if I had told that it was Arjun’s mother who made the Shrikhand. How was I going to explain why my own mother didn’t make anything and why Arjun’s mother made something for me?

Arjun was standing in front of the lecture hall along with few of the North Indian boys and he was looking at me. I so very badly wanted to tell him that I am so sorry for yelling at him in the morning. But how to apologize in front of the other students. Under the circumstances, I did what I could do to ease the ‘misunderstanding’, although technically there was no misunderstanding and I was the only one to be blamed, I looked at him and gave him the best smile. He just turned his head and ignored me.
There was something about looking at someone and smiling. When you smile,You are hoping the other person will smile too and then you know everything is going to be ok. But when the person turns his face away, then you don’t know what to do with the smile on your face. Your immediate reaction would be to get rid of the smile before someone notices that you are standing in the middle of the corridor and grinning like a mad woman.
I quickly looked down, hoping no one saw my ‘foolish’ smile and walked inside the lecture hall.
“Dr Gopal is coming” Someone announced and I ran to get the best seat. I wanted to be in Dr. Gopal’s good books.First seat in the first row is the best seat in the whole gallery. It faces the prof”s table.
Anitha sat next to me. She was staring at the door, waiting eagerly for Dr. Gopal.
I looked at her and thought to myself
“I know why you want to sit in the front row! But I got the first seat!. I felt so childish, yet I was still very happy that I got the best seat and not Anitha.
Dr. Gopal walked in to the class. The first thing I noticed was that he didn’t wear his lab coat. Instead he wore a long sleeve shirt and a tie.
Everyone got up and greeted him
“Good afternoon sir”
He nodded his head and moved his hand asking everyone to sit down. he took the attendance register from the peon and sat on the corner of the desk.
“I” he looked around to see who was number 1 in the attendance list.
“Yes sir” Anil got up and answered.
Each student got up and answered yes sir as he called out the numbers.
After taking the attendance he gave the register back to the peon and the peon left the lecture hall and was about to close the door.
“Don’t close the door” Dr. Gopal spoke to the peon.
“Nina Thomas” Dr. Gopal called out.
I was sure I heard him call my name. But I wasn’t sure why. Perhaps I was imagining. My heart started to pound, because I knew something was wrong
“he is calling your name” Anitha nudged me and I got up.
I was planning to look at him and smile because I thought being a Malayalee he would be happy to see another mallu.
But he was staring at me and the way he looked at me was scary. I had even forgotten to smile. I quickly tried to remember as many microbiology facts as I can because I knew he was going to ask me some tough questions.
There was pin drop silence in the class and I knew all the students were staring at me.
“Get out” He pointed the door and spoke
“What?” I stared at him like a dumb head.
“I said, GET OUT” He screamed
I took the books from the table and started to walk out. I could hear shoes clacking on the ground and the sound was echoing in the absolute silence in the class. My normal reaction would be to walk as gently as I can, so my shoes won’t make so much of noise. But I didn’t care anymore.
As I reached the door, I noticed the peon had already left.
Eblis must have got to my cursed tongue because what I did next was unbelievable even to me.
I looked at Dr. Gopal right in his eyes and asked him
“Sir, would you like me to close the door?”
I didn’t wait for his answer. I closed the door after me and noticed my hands were shaking.
I was so angry.
I hated the day I wanted to do medicine. I hated the day I was born.
I didn’t do anything wrong, still I was thrown out of the class for no reason. Why I was I punished like this? Have I not gone through enough?

I wanted to escape.

I just wanted to leave everything and go somewhere. But that was the main problem wasn’t it? I never had any place to go.
paambu kalkku malam undu..
parava kalkku akasham undu
manusya puthranu thala chaykkan
mannilidavilla.