All I ever wanted was for someone to love me and Arjun for sure loved me. That alone should have made me sing
“I am on the top of the world and looking down on creation
And the only explanation I can find
Is the love that I’ve found ever since you’ve been around
Your love’s put me at the top of the world”
But I didn’t.
All I felt was guilt.
I shook my head hoping the feelings of guilt go away, I wanted to see the rainbow not the storm. But try as I might, I just couldn’t feel the happiness I was sure I deserved.
Sensible one started to sing.
What was the point getting angry with her?
sathyathintey mugham Vikrutham. I could hear Baby Kochamma( Malayalam teacher) trying to teach us Malayalam idioms.
What was the difference between me and all my famous family members? Perhaps I had forgotten that every time I pointed my finger at them, I should have looked at myself.
I was in love with Beautiful Eyes and going out with Arjun and I had the temerity to judge my family members.
How did I get in to this mess?
How do I get out of this mess?
Whoever would have thought a few lines in the 10th std autograph would become someone’s magic manthra in life!
Anitha was in my room when I came back to the hostel in the evening
“hey Nina, Are you going home for the holidays?” Anitha asked
I knew she would complain that I always answer a question with another question. I had to know why she was asking me that question because my answer depended entirely on the reason why she was asking me that.
“Why?” I asked
Anitha looked at me. I waited for her to start her complaint session.
“I have some shopping to do, so perhaps I thought I would come and visit you at your house.”
Anitha wants to visit my house. That was not possible. Nobody visits my house.
There were lots of things she would find out if she visited me house. Most importantly how was I going to answer why my oldest sister is not staying with us when she is working in Bangalore?
“Oh I am so sorry Anitha, I am not going home this time. I have so much to study. I want to catch up on all the Pathology and Pharmacology”
Anitha looked at me as though I spoke Latin.
She knew I never studied few days before the actual exam.
But I didn’t care. She was not coming to my house.
“Oh that is sad. Anyway give me your house address. If I have time, I will visit your mom and say Hi”
How can I say I don’t know my own house address? Should I give her the wrong address? Nah, I still have another 3 years before I finish MBBS. I wouldn’t see the end of the day if I gave Anitha wrong address.
“But Anitha, My mom usually goes and visits my relatives, so she may not be home. You know how bored she gets staying at home and not doing anything. I tell you what, I will invite you the next time I go home and you can have lunch with us”
I hoped she will fall for the free lunch offer hook, line and sinker. I was just hoping to buy time.
“That is so sweet of you” Anitha mumbled
Sweet! Mannakatti Only I know what I go through. But I still smiled the sweetest smile befitting the sweet person that I am.
“But still, Give me your address. Anyway you stay close to MG road nah? I haven’t seen your mom for so long. If she isn’t there then I can always follow you the next time”.
Sheda! ethenthoru puli vala entey kadavuley.
Anitha tore a piece of paper from her notebook and fished out her pen from her coat pocket.
Perhaps she envisioned that I was planning to give the excuse that I had no paper or pen to write the exam.
Reluctantly I wrote the address in the most illegible handwriting I could do.
Anitha took the paper from my hand and before she could ask me anything I spoke
“I haven’t had tea yet. I am going to the mess. Bye Anitha” I started to walk out of the room quickly.
“Nina” Anitha called out
Should I pretend that I didn’t hear?
I continued to walk hoping she might notice that I didn’t hear her.
“Nina, wait” Anitha called.
“Ma’am. She is calling you” One of the junior girls pointed to the back.
I wanted to kill the junior girl. Why can’t people mind their own business? I stared at the girl. She looked at me bewildered.
“pavam kochu. What did she do wrong” sensible one spoke.
“How many times I had to call you?” Anitha asked. She was already standing right next to me.
“Oh I am sorry Anitha, I didn’t hear you. You know when I concentrate on something, I don’t usually hear things.” I bluffed
I quickly though few things that I could use as an excuse in case Anitha asked me, what was I concentrating on?
Blood supply to the heart! Blood supply to the lower limb! Aiyyo all blood supply. I had to think of something else quick.
“Is this 16 or 10?” Anitha asked
“You address”.Anitha pointed to the piece of paper in her hand
I looked at the paper. Even I couldn’t read what was written.
“16” I replied reluctantly.
Anitha took the pen out of her coat pocket and started to write each line of the address legibly.
I stood next to her hoping she would make a mistake.
But that didn’t happen.
I knew I had no choice but to go home, even if that involved fighting with Amma and Liza and not having anything to eat.