I went to bed early, because my mind doesn’t bother me when I am asleep. I didn’t have any blanket, so I used an old bed sheet as a blanket. The bed sheet was from a set of 6 sheets Appa had brought when he came home from Rhodesia. Maria took the pink and the blue sheet and Appa gave me the mauve colour sheet with white flower print on them. I thought the flowers were jasmine and I was so glad that Appa remembered my favourite flower. But how did he know that I like Jasmine flower? I never told him that. So I asked him
“Appa how did you know that I like Jasmine flower?”
He looked at me bewildered. Then he noticed the bed sheet in my hand
“Nina, that isn’t a jasmine, that is Aerangis, it is an orchid, found in most part of Africa”
“oh” I said dejectedly, mostly because Maria was standing behind Appa and holding her hand over her mouth, pretending to hide her mocking grin and partly because I realized my father made no effort to know what I liked or disliked.
Appa too noticed that Maria was laughing at me, but I didn’t want Appa to come to rescue me. Why should he? Why should he rescue me, when he made no effort to learn what his favourite daughter really liked?
I kept the sheet back in Appa’s suitcase and got up to leave the room. I was almost near the door when I heard Appa asking Maria
“Maria tell me, how did the orchid get its name”
And I waited, 1 sec, 2 sec…5 sec for Maria to answer. I turned to look at my sister. She didn’t know the answer? Ms. Know it all didn’t know the answer? Goodness gracious, that was impossibly impossible.
She shook her head.
“Nina, what about you?” Appa looked at me and asked
Normally, I would feel embarrassed when I am unable to answer my father’s questions. But this time I was not ashamed to shake my head. How was I supposed to know something that even Maria didn’t know the answer?
“Orchis was a Greek God and he misbehaved during a party given by Bacchus, the god of wine. Bacchus got really angry with Orchis and ordered orchis to be killed and his body chopped in to pieces and thrown away, where ever Orchis’s body part fell, a new flower bloomed and it was called orchid”
“oh” Maria and I whispered.
Then Appa told us more stories about Venus.

I realized if it wasn’t for Ammachi and my father, I would have never known this many stories. But what was the point? What was the point of knowing so many stories and never learn from it? I didn’t know the answer, but there was a kind of uneasy feeling in me and I felt uncomfortable thinking about my own life. Of all the four of us, only I was interested in all the mythological stories. Am I going to turn out to be like Appa? Would I too run away from responsibilities like Appa did? No, I won’t. I promised myself I won’t run away. I clenched my fist to reaffirm. I would be like Ammachi. I will not be like Appa.
The sensible one asked
“Are you sure Nina? Are you going to waste your life for others like your grandmother did?”
“Shut up” I almost screamed
I had to think of something else or I would never be able to sleep. I started to visualize the stars in the sky and started to count them.

Early in the morning, I heard Amma walking to the living room to switch off the fan. I thought of getting up and switching the fan on, but I remembered the electricity bill that Amma has to pay.
Without the humming sound of the fan motor the room became very quiet and it kind of felt eerie. I could hear the water dripping from the kitchen tap. Amma must not have closed the municipality water supply tap after filling the water last night. I knew that anytime now the municipality would turn off the water and I waited. Suddenly a gush of water dripped down the tap and then it stopped.
The silence was soothing and I turned to the side to sleep. Within seconds the water started to drip again. it felt as though each drop was trying to make more sound than the one before, as it hit the bottom of the sink. I didn’t want to get up, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep after that, so I pulled the blanket over my head, hoping to shut the noise out. But it was futile. I could hear each and every drop of water dripping down the tap.
I couldn’t take it anymore, so I got up and walked to the kitchen to turn off the tap. As I walked back to my room in the darkness, I looked at Amma’s room. Her bed faced the small window on the side wall and there was a little light coming in from the street light behind our house and I thought I saw Amma sitting down on the bed.
I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them again and looked at her bed. I wasn’t imagining, my mother was sitting down on her bed with her head in her hands. She might not have heard me getting up, because she didn’t look up. Then I heard her gasping and I realized she must have been crying. I wondered how come I didn’t hear her crying?
But it didn’t matter at all. Why should I care if my mother was happy or crying?
She should cry, I told myself. She has hurt me too much and it is only fair that she cry a little bit. May be God was punishing her for the way she was treating me.
I tip toed back to my bed and lay down.
I closed my eyes, so I could sleep. But my ears were straining to hear if there was any sound coming from my mother’s room. Then I heard it again. A gasp! that spoke volumes of ones struggle.
A struggle to catch a breath while weigh down by so many burdens., Struggling to raise children abandoned by their father, fighting a losing battle all by oneself, and a struggle of loneliness and a silent cry for help.
There was only one person in this world who understood that cry for help. It wasn’t Appa, it wasn’t George, it wasn’t any of my sisters or anyone from my mother’s family. I got up from my bed and walked to Amma’s room and sat down on her bed.
“amma enthina karayunney? Ammakku njan illey?” (Why are you crying Amma, when you have me?) I asked her.