I felt time stood still, the only thing that changed was Liza’s eyes. I saw her squinting her eyes and looking at the knife in my hand and then she looked at me. Her eyes were wide open and I watched her mouth opening and she started to scream. “Amma, Aiyyo Amma”
I heard Amma yelling and running towards Liza
Aunty and Sally too was screaming and I didn’t understand why everyone was screaming.
I saw Liza clutching her belly and bending down and Amma running to hold her
“Are you ok Liza?” Amma was crying, then she looked at me
“How could you Nina? How could you? What is the difference between you and your father? Apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree! Does it? chekuthanu chekuthante santhathi.. allathenna?”
“Are you ok Liza?” Amma was holding Liza
“She tried to stab me Amma” Liza pointed her fingers at me and started to weep” She tried to kill me Amma”
“I know money, I saw that. Don’t you know that she is your father’s daughter, saint on the outside and a devil on the inside. Look at her! She is doing medicine and learning to save other people’s life, and at home, she wants to kill her own sister. Shame on you Nina, I should tell your principal that you are a disgrace to your profession”
“Amma, she started it, she slapped me” I replied
“Oh nallakaraym! So what Nina? If I slap you, would you kill me too? I won’t be surprised if you did that. You are as evil as your father”
I remembered the last time I thought of strangling Amma.
Amma was right. I was evil.
I looked at the knife in my hand, the edge was slightly curved and tip was pointed and I realized what I just did. I aimed it at my sister. I did exactly what my father did all those times he fought with my mother. I remembered how much I despised my father, each time he showed his violent nature, yet when it suited me, I too didn’t hesitate to follow his paths. I felt sick holding the knife. Sally was standing next to me and I handed the knife to her.
That was the moment I realized, I could get out of my family, but my family would never get out of me.
I went and sat down on the mattress couch. I could see Amma checking Liza’s hand to see where she has cut herself. Amma was muttering
“nasham, enthinano medical college nnu ingottu pokkiyeduthu vannathu, avidenganum kidannal porey! bakki olloney kashtapeduthan undaya oru janmam(why does she want to come home when she could just stay at the medical college hostel! Born to make her mother’s life miserable!
Aunty was looking at me and at Amma and Amma told her
“You saw? Did you see how irresponsible she is? She is the oldest sister and she should be a good role model for her younger sisters, did you see what she was trying to do? How do you expect me to raise her?”
“Never mind aunty, people make mistakes” Aunty replied
“Never mind? What if she actually stabbed my daughter? What would happen to her?” Amma pushed Sally towards Aunty. “Who will marry her?”
“Who will marry a girl, whose sister is in jail for murder? Do you know how sharp this knife is? Amma pointed to the knife in Sally’s hand
My husband bought it for me from Persia. She knows this knife is sharp. What if Liza accidentally moved forward and the knife poked her heart? What would she do then? Is this how medical students behave? She is 19 already, tell me aunty, what else should I do? Who will tell her to be responsible?
Aunty came and sat next to me
“Nina, you have to be more responsible. You have to support your mother and sisters”
“Responsible? She doesn’t even know what that word means. She leaves the fan on full blast. She doesn’t care that I have to pay the electricity bill.” I watched Amma walking towards the washing machine and lifting the plastic bag from Nilgiris that I kept on top of the machine.
“What is this?” Amma asked
I didn’t bother to answer, she has eyes to see what it is.
“You see aunty” Amma brought the plastic bag towards us and showed aunty the contents.
“Mangosteen! She bought mangosteen. It doesn’t matter to her that, I am struggling to raise my children on my small pension. She is a royal princess No? She can only eat expensive stuff, No?”
“How much was the mangosteen Nina?”
I didn’t reply, there was no point in replying when you are tried for crimes against ones own family and the only witness was a kilo of mangosteen.
“Sally how much was the mangosteen?” Amma asked
“23 Rs” She replied
I looked at my baby sister. May be she would tell Amma, exactly why I bought the mangosteen and why we brought it home, instead of eating it all by ourselves. She knows the truth doesn’t she? She could save me, couldn’t she?
“23 Rs? 23 Rs? You spend 23 Rs?” Amma was screaming and I noticed the more agitated she was, the squeakier her voice became. It sounded as though someone was strangling her.
“That money was enough to buy a new sneakers for your sister. You know your sister needs new sneakers, Don’t you? Did you not know that your sister was selected for the college sports team? Where am I going to get the money to buy a pair of sneakers Nina? Does your father care? Talk to me Nina, Does your father care?”
I didn’t have anything to say
“How can you Nina? How can you live like this? When will you ever think that you have sisters? Sometimes I wonder if the hospital made a mistake and switched babies. You couldn’t have been my child. I couldn’t have given birth to such an incredibly selfish child”
What are the chances that I was indeed someone else’s child? Do I have another mother somewhere in this world? Does she miss me? Would she be happy, if she knew that her real daughter is going to be a doctor? May be I should go back to Malaysia and search for them. May be they would accept me back. It was wonderful thinking that I actually might have a wonderful family somewhere in Malaysia. But I knew it isn’t possible. Even if all three of my sisters were switched at birth, I wouldn’t have been. I have the similar birth marks like my father and I look exactly like him. May be it was just coincidence, I told myself. But the sensible one refused to accept the coincidence theory. You just can’t have two moles in the same hand at the same place like your father. One cafe au lait patch just below the elbow and a black mole in the upper arm.
All these years I was proud to be my father’s daughter. I was proud to be the only one in the family who inherited the same birth marks of my father. But now, I hated it. If it wasn’t there, I could have had the possibility of being the child of some other parents in Malaysia