God’s wrath

Christmas is supposed to be a time to be merry. I wasn’t really in a mood to celebrate. I was in a mood to dream. I thought of my life in Nagaland. Being the wife of a Naga warrior. I wasn’t sure what exactly the role of a Naga wife would be. But honestly it didn’t really matter. I knew he is capable of taking care of me and that is all that mattered
I had tons to study. I also had tons of dreams to weave. I looked at all the text books on my bed. ( most of the medical students sleep with their books. Don’t ask why!) Should I get up and start to study?
Nah, today is Christmas, a day to celebrate, nobody studies on Christmas day! I pulled the blanket over my face.
Before I could even close my eyes, I heard someone pushing the door open. I didn’t have to guess, who it would be. I stayed still, hoping Anitha would notice that I am sound asleep and leave me alone.
“Hey Nina, Why are you not ready yet, the service will start in 10 minutes” She pulled the blanket off from my face
I had to pretend that I was asleep, so I did the best Oscar performance
“What, Where, What happened” I wiped my eyes and looked around
“What is it Anitha?”
“Are you not coming with us to the church?”
“Huh?”
“For the Christmas service”
“No, I am not”
“Why?”
“No particular reason Anitha” I shrugged my shoulder
Anitha looked at the books on my bed
“Nina, Jesus will not forgive you, if you study on Christmas day without going to church first”
“Really? Why?”
“For heaven’s sake Nina, today is Christmas. You are supposed to go to Church and attend the mass”
I thought of asking her, would Jesus punish all the Christian doctors and nurses who are on duty today? But then again I knew, she would tell me that ‘They are working, you are lying down and sleeping. There is a big huge difference’
“Anitha, I am not going to church”
“Jomon is going to be pretty mad at you”
“ok”
I pulled the blanket over my head again and waited for the sound of her foot steps leaving my room. It felt like eternity, then I heard her slamming my door shut.
I wondered, isn’t God supposed to be merciful and kind? Why then does his followers resort to fear of divine retribution? I didn’t have an answer. But if I was going to be punished for not attending the church, so be it.
I went back to weaving.
A beautiful wooden house on stills, kids running around, mama cooking food, papa reading newspaper. Then I remembered beautiful eyes telling me that his house is in the interior, So that would mean, they may not get news paper. Never mind, papa can read novels instead of newspaper, then I remembered, I need to start buying novels, there won’t be any library there. My dream weaving wasn’t going the way I wanted it to go. So I got up.
There was nothing much to do. I looked around my room. Aparna went to meet her boyfriend in the morning itself. She was already in to learning more about Christianity and reading the bible. Anitha was her religious teacher.
Shylaja had gone home. I thought of my home. Amma didn’t even bother to phone me or send me a Christmas card. Then I scolded myself , Whya re you always complaining. You also didn’t send her a card or phone her. I knocked my own stupid head.
I thought of my father, wished him a silent Merry Christmas. I didn’t feel happy or sad thinking about my father. He no longer existed in my life. He was far away in physical distance and emotional attachment. I wondered what he would do, when he learns about me and beautiful eyes. I could see him waving a parang(sickle) and shouting
“I will kill you. No daughter of mine is going to marry a non malayalee. This is all your mother’s fault. She didn’t raise you well” I didn’t know what he would say when I ask him
“Where were you Appa, when I was growing up? Where were you, when I needed you the most”
I knew he will have thousands of excuses.
Then I thought of Ammachi. I knew, there is no point in wishing her a Merry Christmas. because I knew she would be sitting on the parapet wall and waiting for me. I felt my chest tightening. I could see the tears falling down her cheeks. I wanted to ask her, Why Ammachi, Why did you not see the injustice Appa was doing to Amma? Your own mother in law treated you badly, Didn’t she? Then how could you treat my mother badly? Did you not know how much it would hurt my mother? How could you think that I will stand with you?
I was angry with Ammachi. I hated her.
Then I remembered the time my parents left me alone with Ammachi one Christmas. I still don’t know why they didn’t take me along with them. I remember crying not because Appa and Amma left me with Ammachi, but because we didn’t have any fire crackers. I cried and begged Ammachi to buy me some fire crackers. She didn’t bother. She told me
“I am not working like a mad cow for you to burn my money”
How much I hated her that day. I didn’t even bother to eat lunch. I spend the whole day sulking
In the evening after all the farm workers had gone home I heard Ammachi calling me
“Nina come here”
I was in the bedroom reading a book. I pretended I didn’t hear her
“Nina, come here” She yelled
I still didn’t bother. Then I heard something explode. I ran outside to see what was going on. Ammachi was standing on the steps holding a brass lamp. She bend down to get something from the floor and I saw her lighting it and throwing. It exploded in the mid air. Ammachi was lighting fire crackers*.
“Where did you get that?” I ran to her. She didn’t even bother to talk to me. She bend down to pick another one from the floor and I noticed there was only one more left
“Can I please light it Ammachi?”
She didn’t respond
“Please Ammachi”
“She was busy lighting the fire cracker.
“Please Ammachi, I am sorry Ammachi” I pleaded.
I watched Ammachi throwing the lit fire cracker and it exploding in the mid air. I really wanted to light the last one
“Please Ammachi, Can I please, please light the last one?” Ammachi looked at me.
“Will you ever show your anger by not eating your food?”
“No. I promise”
“Nina, food is god’s gift. Not everyone gets a chance to eat a meal every time. When you are given three meals in a day, you better be grateful. Don’t you dare show ungratefulness in my house. Do you understand that Nina Thomas?”
I nodded my head.
“here, light the fire cracker, make sure you throw it far away” She handed me the last fire cracker.

I wondered why my life is so complicated? I wondered if God will punish me for hurting my Ammachi. I walked out of my room. I had to do something.

I climbed up the stairs to the terrace. Some of the students were sitting on the steps and studying. They all wished me a Merry Christmas. If only they knew how heavy my heart felt.
I opened the door that leads to the terrace. It was a cold and foggy day and I couldn’t find a single cloud. I cursed my stupid luck. I closed my eyes. I could see Ammachi sitting on the parapet wall and I begged her for forgiveness. I told her about beautiful eyes. I told her that I found my pearl. The real one.

In the evening I was in my room reading a mills and boon novel. Anitha, Aparna and Shylaja were having a group study. I don’t like group study. I prefer to read alone.
I heard someone knocking the door.
“Nina can you get it?” Aparna asked
“sure” I got up and opened the door. Gangamma was standing in front of the door holding a steel plate. I looked at the plate. There was few yellow flowers, a small steel bowl with some water and some sweets
“What is it Gangamma?” I asked her in Kannada
” Ninamma, I went to the temple to pray for all of you, so all of you get gold medal for the exams. This is the prasad. Open your mouth”
I opened my mouth and she placed a small bit of the sweet in my mouth
“Thank you Gangamma”
“Belecome ma belecome( Welcome)”
I smiled. Should I correct her pronunciation? Then I thought, What the hell., what is wrong in saying belecome?
Gangamma walked in to my room, so she could give the prasad to my Aparna and the gang. Aparna and Shylaja ate the prasad. Anitha declined. I looked at Anitha. She was staring at me. As soon as Gangamma left the room Anitha got up
“Nina, Can I talk to you for a second?”
“Sure”
“Come to my room” She ordered
She looked pretty serious, so even though I wanted to ask her why can’t we talk in my room, I didn’t. I followed her to her room
Anitha closed the room door and yelled
“Why did you eat the Prasad?”
“huh?”
“Do you know what is the first commandment?” She was screaming
I looked at the screaming malayalee standing in front of me, while trying to figure out what was going on
“You don’t know?” She was now mocking me
“Of course I know” I felt indignant
“then tell me”
“I am the lord your God, worship no other God but me”
“If you knew that, then why did you eat the prasad?”
“I didn’t worship any other god” I replied. I thought of telling her, I don’t worship Christ either. But I was afraid to face her religious wrath.
“Prasad is an offering from the temple. We are Christians. We believe in the living god. Not a stone”
“Stone?”
“Of course. All the idols are made of stone”
“No they are not” I spoke
“what do you mean?”
“Idols are also made from metals” I smiled
“Stop kidding Nina. This is not a joke. God will not forgive you”
I didn’t bother to respond. That was the third act of god and forgiveness for the day. I had enough. I opened the door, just as I was about to leave the room I spoke
“By the way Anitha, Do you know what the oldest religion is?”
“Judaism”
“sorry It isn’t. Hinduism is the oldest religion”
“No way. That is wrong”
I didn’t bother to reply.

*Ammachi bought 5 individual pieces of malapadakkam for 1 Rs. She saved one padakkam( hid it somewhere in the house before she called me).. so I can light it on new years day!! Smart Ammachi alley?

9 thoughts on “God’s wrath

  1. I can never understand man being phanatic about religion. If you interpret all religious teachings, even the first commandment, in the proper way it will lead to something more tolerant than worship ONLY Christ. But people choose to turn a blind eye to all that.

  2. I wondered, isn’t God supposed to be merciful and kind? Why then does his followers resort to fear of divine retribution? I didn’t have an answer.

    Very well said. I always wonder about that. CNN Christiane Amanpour’s “God’s Warriors” [ 6 hours] opened my eyes to the gravity of the problems we are facing in this world.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *