“You could have looked anywhere Ammachi, but not at another woman’s husband! How could you do such a thing?”
“I am sorry Nina, All I ever wanted was to be loved once in my life! I didn’t want to hurt anyone”
“You didn’t? Ofcourse you did. You did hurt that man’s wife. You should have thought about her. What has she done to you?”
Ammachi didn’t respond and I was so mad at her.
“You are the cause of all the trouble in this family. You should have raised my father well, if you did, my parents would still be married to each other and I would have had a father and a mother. You were such a bad example!”
“I am so sorry Nina I never meant to hurt anyone.”
“Too late Ammachi. Too late. And you thought I would still love you after hearing your side of the story? No wonder my mother hates you.”
Ammachi was sobbing and I didn’t feel sorry for her. I hated her. Till now, I loved her more than anything. She was the most perfect person I have ever known and now I realized, she was the worst of the lot. No wonder my whole family is all screwed up. The rot started from the head.
There was no point staying another minute in this house that I called home. I had to get out of the house. I went in to the bedroom and picked up my bag.
Ammachi looked at me with tears in her eyes. I didn’t bother to say bye to her. She just wasn’t worthy of my love.
She had the audacity to tell me that, she was only borrowing someone else’s husband. How low can she sink? Whatever happend to all the rights and wrongs she taught me all these while?
My head was hurting and the sun was shining bright. When I reached the junction, Shankaran Chettan saw me and he called out to me. I pretended I didn’t hear him. I didn’t want to do anything more with any one in Chengannur town. I am going back to Bangalore, to my college.

I got in to the first autorickshaw that was waiting near the bus stop.
“Where to?” the driver asked
“Railway station” My head was hurting so badly and I leaned my head to the side of the rickshaw
“Chechy eviduthey aa?( Where are you from?) the driver asked as soon as he started the rickshaw.
“Stop the rickshaw” I screamed
“Why? What? I thought you wanted to go to the railway station” The driver turned to look at me
I was just so sick of the malayalee inquisitiveness.
“If you want me to travel in your auto rickshaw, you will shut your mouth. Or I will take some other auto. Do you understand that?” I screamed. It felt so good to scream at someone.
May be the driver understood that I was angry. He drove silently.

I bought my ticket and went to sit in the platform. I had more than 3 hours of waiting before the train to Bangalore arrives. I found a shady spot in the platform and sat down. My head and my eyes were hurting and all I wanted was to sleep for a little while. I felt, perhaps all this is a bad dream and life would return to normal once I wake up.
When I closed my eyes all I could see was Ammachi’s tear stained face . Serves her right!. She should cry. She hurt an innocent woman. I tried to shut the sad face of Ammachi out.
Little while later I heard the announcement that some long distance train would be arriving in platform number 1 shortly. My head was hurting so much, so I closed my eyes. I could hear the train arriving, people shouting and the guard whistiling. It was so noisy and my headache was worsening by the minute. I was just so glad to hear the train whistling and soon the train left the platform.

It was the constant cawing of the crow that woke me up. I noticed a crow on the railway track. The wretched crow was digging the remanents of someone’s lunch parcel that was thrown in to the railway track. I looked at the amount the thrash thrown on the tracks. When will Indians learn a little bit of cleaniliness? I wondered.
I watched the crow pecking and removing the news paper wrappings and then pecking to remove the banana leaf. Every few seconds it would lift its head to see if any other crows are waiting around to steal its food. I was just about to shut my eyes, when I noticed another crow that was sitting on the platform flying straight to where the first crow was eating. It was amusing to watch the aniques of the two crows, how one that originally found the parcel would chase the new comer, so it doesn’t have to share the food and how the other one would wait for a chance to take a stolen bite. Soon their cawing attracted plenty of other crows and I watched the crow that found the lunch parcel pecking and chasing the other crows. I felt so much of anger when I saw how selfish the crow was.
May be my eyes were hurting because of the headache, may be I realized what kind of a hypocrite I was becoming, tears started to roll down my cheeks. There was only one thing to do. I ran down the steps.
“Ticket” Shouted the ticket examiner. I handed him my unused ticket. I didn’t have time cancel the ticket and ask for a refund. There were someone more precious than a 100 Rs worth ticket.
I ran to the auto stand and took the first auto that was waiting in the queue.
“Will you please hurry up?” I asked the auto driver
“ethentha ammakku vayu gulika vangikkan povuka?”( are you in a rush to buy medicine?)
I contemplated committing homicide, I could just reach the idiot’s neck through the gap that separates the passenger from the driver and wring his neck.
When the auto reached the junction near home, I got down quickly and ran all the way back home. For the second time since my arrival to Chengannur I prayed
Lord keep my grandmother safe. Don’t let her do anything stupid. Don’t let there be any othalanga on that tree. Don’t let her jump in to the well, don’t let her do anything where I can’t do anything to save her life.
What if she really did something stupid? How am I going to rush her to the hospital? My house is so far away from the main road and now there is no one at Chackochan’s house either.
These are the moments you need a man and I didn’t know any man who could help me and in an instant I understood what my grandmother went through.

When I reached the paddy fields, I looked to see if Ammachi is sitting on the veranda. I was just so relieved to see her sitting in the same place she was sitting before I left. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me.
“Ammachi” I called as soon as I reached the steps leading to our house.
She didn’t move
“Ammachi, Ammachi” I shouted. She didn’t move. I ran to where she was sitting. I looked around to see if she consumed any poison. There was nothing. I started to shake her body.
“Ammachi, open your eyes”
She opened her eyes slowly. Her eyes were red. She just stared at me.
“Ammachi, I am sorry, please forgive me, I don’t have any rights to judge you. I love you for what you are. You are still the best grandmother in the whole world. I am sorry for speaking all those stupid things. Please, please, please forgive me”
I held her hands, it was cold. I looked at her chest to make sure she is breathing. She stared at me for a long time and then whispered slowly
“I thought you would never come back. What made you come back Nina?”
“kakka(crow)!”
“Kakka?(crow?)”
“hmm, kakka” I nodded my head
JL: Now you know the crow story!