After dinner Ammachi and I went to sit down on the parapet wall. I lay my head on Ammachi’s lap. Some where in the distant I could hear the frogs croaking. I looked at the sky to see if it would rain. Frogs always croak before a rain!.
The sky was clear, with not a cloud in sight. There were so many stars in the sky. Ammachi was looking down at my face and I thought she had such beautiful eyes. I remembered the short story I read in one of those malayalam magazines years ago.
“Do you want to hear a story?” I asked Ammachi
“Ofcourse”
“I read this story in a magazine( either mangalam or manoram weekly) and I liked it very much”
“Is it a romantic story?”
“No, Do you want to hear the story or not?”
“Didn’t I say ‘ofcourse’ a minute ago?”
“Then stop asking questions. I will not tell you a story if you keep asking me questions!”
“Sorry”
“Ok. One day a newly married couple went to the beach” Before I could continue Ammachi spoke
“See, it is a romantic story!”
“Go, I am not telling you any story”
“Aiyyah, Don’t stop now Nina, please continue the story, you are my precious grand daughter! Please!” Ammachi pinched my cheeks
“If you interrupt me one more time, I will stop telling you the story. Do you understand that?”
Ammachi nodded her head
“They went to the beach to watch the sunset. After the sun set, slowly stars started to appear in the sky. The wife looked at the stars and told her husband, ‘oh my darling, the stars are so pretty, but they are so far away. I can’t even touch them. Her husband touched her cheeks and told her’ Oh my darling, you are so wrong, the stars are right here in your eyes and I can touch them all the times'”
“Then what happend?” Ammachi asked and I stared at her”Oh Nina I am sorry, I am so sorry to interrupt you, please tell me the rest of the story”
I couldn’t get angry with Ammachi, so I started to speak
“As the years went by, they both were busy building a life together, they had two kids, they bought a house and a car and one day on their way to some place, they came by the beach again. Wife asked her husband if they could watch the sunset together? Her husband was in a hurry, but still, he decided to watch the sunset with his wife.
As the sun set and the first star that appeared in the horizon, wife remembered what her husband told her when they were at the beach many years ago as a newly married couple.
And she spoke ‘oh my darling the stars are so pretty, but they are so far away and I just can’t touch them’ and her husband replied’ Are you mad? who can touch a star? it is zillions of kilometers away! Don’t be so stupid!’

Ammachi and I looked at the stars above. How many broken hearts did those stars seen each night?
“Ammachi, do you have any regrets?” I asked
“What do you mean by regrets?”
“Have you ever regretted anything that you did?”
“No” Ammachi shook her head
I was hoping for a different answer. I was sure Ammachi had regrets. Come on, She became a widow at the age of 18, was almost murdered by her mother in law, raised her 2 children all by herself and lost the guy she loved the most. It is impossible that she didn’t have any regrets. I rephrased the question.
“Ammachi, if there is one thing you could change in your life what would that be?”
“But you can’t change the past Nina. It is like the stone you threw in to the waterfall, it is gone forever.”
“I know you can’t change the past, but just pretend that you can!. Assume the genie gave you the power to change anything, what would you change in your life?”
“Nothing”
“What do you mean nothing? Wouldn’t you want to spend your life with ‘him’? I am sure you wanted a better life instead of struggling like this, don’t you Ammachi?”
“No” She shook her head. There are moments I get so mad at Ammachi. I know she is more wiser than me. But I absolutely hate it when Ammachi tries to be all holy and nice. I always wanted a different life. Actually I wanted a different family. Everytime I saw my friends with their family, I wished I had a family like that, instead of a mother who hates me and a father who keeps running away from his wife and children. If I could change one thing in my life I would change my family
“Nina, can you wear Sally’s shoes?”
shoes? What is wrong with my grandmother? Why is she talking about shoes? And that too such a dumb question. How can I wear my youngest sister’s shoes?
“Sally’s shoes are too small for me Ammachi”
“Exactly my point”
“What point”
“Your life is fitted for your size. There is no point looking for a different size. It won’t fit.”
I looked at Ammachi, trying to understand what she was trying to tell me. But nothing made sense to me
“Nina, only you can be Nina, only you can be the Nina of the Thomas family. Nobody else can live in a family like yours. Similarly, Only I can live in this house alone all these years. Would you have been able to live my life Nina?”
“No” I shook my head. There is no way I would have survived carrying all the burdens that Ammachi carried.
“And I wouldn’t have been able to live your life either?”
“What do you mean? What is wrong with my life?”
“Nothing is wrong. It is just that I wouldn’t have been able to go to a medical college and study.”
“Why not?”
” I am scared of dead bodies!”
“What?” I looked at my grandmother. “You mean Methran Thambi’s wife is scared of something? Oh my goodness, this is hot news, I will call the radio station. They should broadcast it right now. How can you be scared of dead bodies? They are dead. They can’t do anything to you”
“Go, I am not talking to you”
“Oh Thangamma, don’t be mad. I was just teasing you. Sorry”
“njan koottu vetti”(I am not your friend any more)
Ammachi touched her tongue with her right hand, crossed the index fingers of both hands and pulled the fingers apart. I looked at Ammachi.
Sometimes when older people do silly things, you would be overwhelmed with a feeling to nurture and protect them. Here is my grandmother, who is 5 decades older than me and doing things I have done as a school girl many many years ago. I had even forgotten all those friendship signs, Alice and I used to use to communicate when I was at school.
That was the moment I realized Shakespeare’s 7 stages of life was playing all the while and finale has begun.

The Seven Ages of Man

William Shakespeare

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms.
Then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honor, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper’d pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans every thing

I don’t know what made me more afraid, was it the fact that I was in level 4 of the play or that Ammachi won’t be around much longer? I couldn’t bear the pain and I got up to go back inside the house.
“Nina, Did I make you upset, I was just pretending that I am not your friend, I didn’t mean it. ” Ammachi spoke
“I know” I didn’t want Ammachi to see me crying, so I didn’t turn around
“Are you crying Nina? Why are you crying? Is it because I said I am afraid of dead bodies?”
“I am not crying Ammachi” I quickly wiped the tears and turned around to look at her. I smiled at her
Ammachi was staring at me. I knew she can’t see me clearly from far. So I walked towards her
“See, I am not crying. I am smiling”
Ammachi looked at me and smiled
“You are just like me Nina”
“What do you mean?”
“You can smile through the tears. You were crying because you thought I would be a dead body soon, weren’t you Nina Thomas?”
I didn’t respond
“Tell you what, we have these moments, why don’t we enjoy these moments, than worry about deadbodies? Go and change, I want to watch nalacharitham part 2