“I am going to Chengannur” I heard my father speaking to Amma and I ran to him
“Can I go with you?” I asked Appa
Before Appa could answer, Amma responded
“No Nina, not today. You need to collect your white coat today”
“I can collect it on the way back from Chengannur Amma!”
“Use your brain Nina. What if there is any alteration to be done? Do you think the tailor is going to work through the night just for you? Don’t you know you are leaving tomorrow afternoon?”
There was no point in arguing with my mother. I watched my father leaving for Chengannur. I tried to imagine Ammachi’s reaction, when she sees her son rather than her favourite grand daughter. I wasn’t sure how she was going to react.
Amma and Maria went through all my bags to make sure I packed everything.
“Nina, I need to talk to you” Amma looked at me and spoke
“What?” I asked her
“Going to the medical college to study is a good thing. But don’t you dare bring a stranger home and tell me you that you fell in love with him! Do you understand that? You are going to study, not fall in love. ok?”
“What is your problem Amma?” I asked
She looked at me too stunned
“You never fell in love with anyone?”
I could see that Amma was raging and I was unstoppable
“Or is it that, it is customary in our family to only fall in love with blood relations?” I asked her
“What do you mean by that Nina Thomas?”
Oh she called me my full name. This is war
“You think I am blind? You don’t have any right to tell me what I do or don’t do, when you haven’t listened to your own mother”
My mother walked towards me and I knew she was going to hit me
“Oh,please. Stop it Woman. You are not going to hit me, just to keep me quiet. Are you?”
Maria got up from the floor
“What did you call Amma?” She asked me
“What did I call her? Did I call her anything that you haven’t called?”
Amma and Maria were looking at each other
“Have you gone mad Nina?” Amma asked
“Mad? ofcourse. You didn’t know that till now? Our whole family is mad. I am sure you knew that all these while. I am as mad as you.”
“You are trying to be smart eh? You think just because you got admission to do medicine, you won the world eh? mark my word Nina, I swear ‘you will never do well in your life!”
“Oh my mother, Have you not noticed, your swearing has no effect any more. You need to invent something better!”
“Come Maria, Why should we do anything for such an ungrateful wretch. Let her pack her own bags. She thinks she is too smart”
I watched Maria kicking my suitcase that was on the floor and walking out with my mother.
I sat on the floor and slowly went through all my stuff. I had no idea what to pack But I wasn’t going to ask anyone for help.
“Can I help you Nina?” Sally asked me
“Ofcourse” She too sat with me on the floor
“Nina, why do you fight with Amma always?” She asked me
“Not Always Sally. Some times she pushes me to the limit and I have no choice but to fight with her”
“But doesn’t it hurt her? Hasn’t she done enough for us?”
“Ofcourse, but gratitude is a two way street Sally. I have done everything I can do as a daughter for Amma and she only sees what Maria does for her. I am not good enough for her”
“That is a lie Nina”
“Really? Did you hear just now how she cursed me?”
“Come on Nina that is just empty words. You know it isn’t going to work. Don’t you?”
“I don’t know Sally. I really don’t know. But I do know that Amma has never once cursed Maria”
“Sally Why are you helping Nina?” Maria came in to the room and started to yell
“Why not Chechy?” Sally asked
“How dare you talk back to me?” Maria was about to hit her
“Leave her alone Maria”. “Sally go out”
“Why Nina? Why can’t I sit with you? What is Maria’s problem?”
“You are learning to talk like Nina? Get out of the room. Now” Maria was screaming
I pushed Sally’s legs. “Go, leave Sally, before you get hurt”
I heard Maria yelling at Sally and ordering her” Go and read the newspaper and write an abstract in 25 words for the main news for the last 7 days”
I felt sorry for my baby sister, stuck in the line of family loyalty.

“Nina, tailor will close the shop at 5pm. If you want your lab coat, go and collect it yourself” Amma came in to the room and spoke
“You aren’t going with her?” Maria asked her
“She is capable of doing everything by herself. Let her do it. Why should I care?” Amma replied
‘True, why should you care, I was never your child anyway!’ I thought silently. I got up and changed my clothes and walked to the tailor’s shop.
“Is my coat ready?” I asked the owner of the shop. He was standing by the side of the table with a meassuring tape around his neck and cutting the fabric using a golden colour scissors.
“almost” he replied
“What do you mean almost?” I asked him
“They are stitching the buttons. It will be ready in 20 minutes. Why don’t you come back after half an hour?” He asked
“nah, I will wait here” One sewing machine bench was empty and I sat on it. There were 6 tailors in the room. All busy with their own work. I watched the way they were stepping and pressing the pedals systematically. They were creating a very unique music that went ‘kada kada kada kada’. In between one of them would stop, ask the owner for approval for what they just stiched. A room at the back had a lady tailor who was doing machine embroidery on sarees.
A young boy around 13 years old sat in one of the corner. He had a white coat in his hands and he was stitching the buttons. I knew that was my coat. When he looked up, I smiled at him, hoping he would stitch faster.

“kashu”(money) I heard someone speaking and I turned around to look. There was a street urchin with an outstretched arm standing near the entrance of the shop. Her hair was matted, her blouse was torn and her skirt was nothing but a rag of cloth. She looked disgusting and I moved further backwards on my bench. I didn’t want her to see me and come to me asking for money.’What is she doing in a shop like this. I come to the best tailor and pay top money, not to be hassled by people like her. They should lock up these urchins’ I thought

” kashu” (money) she spoke again. This time a little more louder and all the pressing of the pedals stopped. There was a moment of silence in the shop. Everyone looked at her. The owner of the tailoring shop came out from the back of the shop and I watched the girl smiling at him
“Get out” He started to scream
“kashu”(money) her arm was still stretched.
I watched the owner taking the wooden ruler from one of the tailors and he walked to where the girl was standing and in an instant swung the ruler and hit the girl on her outstretched palm. She started to scream and cry
“You said last night you will pay money this morning” The girl was crying
“nayinte mole, chekuthante santhathiye, nanamilley ninakku? Kalathu asabhyam parayunno(child of a bitch, you dare to lie in the early morning?)

He started to hit the girl, and all the tailors went back to pressing the pedals. I watched the girl running out crying and the owner of the shop close in pursuit. He was screaming
“If I ever see you in this lane, I will break every single bone on your body”
The girl didn’t even stop running. After a few seconds, owner of the shop gave up the chase. He looked around and talked to the old man who was standing near his shop

” Ashreekarangal!Morning itself, they start to harass. What we need is more police to arrest all these urchins. That is the only way this problem is going to be solved” and the old man nodded his head and agreed.
I watched the owner walking back to the shop. He was muttering and cursing. Just as he entered the shop, he threw the ruler on the table by the side of the shop and swore
“Stupid Urchins. Spoiled my beautiful day!” He looked out once more to make sure the girl isn’t coming back, took some mookippodi(Snuff) rubbed it between his fingers, snorted it and went back inside the shop.
I looked for the girl and I saw her walking and taking the right turn next to the grocery shop.
Owner of the shop came back few minutes later holding my white coat
“Do you want to try the coat?” He asked me
“No” I wanted to see where the girl went.
I quickly grabbed the coat from him and walked towards the provision store. The girl wasn’t in front of the shop and I looked for her everywhere. I couldn’t find her. I walked back home slowly, Just as I reached the entrance of the district hospital I heard a big commotion. There were a circle of spectators watching something and I could hear tamil being spoken. I pushed through the crowds of people and found the girl I was looking for
She was crying and pleading. Her matted hair was now held by her mother
“I didn’t take the money Amma. he cheated me. He didn’t give me any money. I am telling you the truth Amma. See my hands Amma. I have no money. See my pocket Amma, I have no money”
Everyone around me was enjoying the free show. The enraged mother started to hit her daughter with whatever she could find and I, who knew the truth, didn’t open my mouth. I was very much part of the system.