As I was sipping the coffee, I looked at Ammachi. She was staring at me. I wanted her to ask me so badly, ‘what is wrong Nina? What is bothering you?’ so I could tell her, what is in my mind. She didn’t. She just kept looking at me
“Why are you staring at me?” I asked her. I was expecting Ammachi to say pointing to her eyes, ‘this is my eyes, I have the right to look what I want to’. But she didn’t.
“You look so much like your father”
“Really?”
“hmmm” She responded
“hmmm” I accepted. Between us, she lost a son and I lost a father somewhere along the life’s journey. It is a topic both of us didn’t want to talk, but it didn’t mean that we forgot.
“So how many marks did you get for SSLC?”
“559”
“Hmmm, that is good, so why wasn’t your photo in the paper?”
“You didn’t see my photo? How could you do that? It was vendakka (humongous) size in the paper, even the chief minister came home to congratulate me and my own grandmother didn’t know” “Aiyyah” I shook my head sadly.
“Did you forget to eat your medicine?”
“medicine? for what?”
“Didn’t they tell you to eat the medicine regularly, when you left oolan para(mental hospital)?”
There is one good thing about arguing with my grand mother. That was losing. There is a joy is losing an argument. Ammachi was looking at me, still trying to control her laughter. She knew she won.
“529”
“I knew you would score above 500, see Chakki, I told you”
Chakki nodded her head.
We heard someone clearing his throat outside the kitchen door. I turned around to look.
“Film star Jayan chettan( cinema tharam Jayan), How are you?” I asked
“Film star? Who?” Chakki was looking at me and Ammachi.
Kutten was trying to hide behind the wall.
“Film star Jayan chettan, why are you hiding behind the wall?” I asked him again. By now Kutten would have wanted the earth to open up and swallow him.
“Kutten Why are you hiding?” Ammachi asked
“Athu….”Kutten had no words
“Athu..because, he made me call him Film star Jayan when I was young. He used to buy me poppins, every time I called him Film star Jayan”
Chakki had her hands on her mouth. She was laughing so much.
“Aiyyoda..Ninakku kannu kanathillayo? Chummathalla nee thengannu paranju kamukel keran nokkiyathu”(you must be blind, because no part of your face resembles the handsome face of the famous film star Jayan)
I couldn’t remember when was the last time I laughed like this. Kutten was mad at me, so he walked off.
“Did he really make you call him film star Jayan?” Chakki asked me
“ofcourse”
“I can’t believe it” Chakki was still laughing
“Men!!!! They are so pathetic” Ammachi spoke
Suddenly I remembered him. Much as I try, I couldn’t shut that face and the memories out. I felt breathless.
“come Ammachi, let us take a walk around the fields” I needed to get out
I pulled Ammachi’s hand and dragged her out of the kitchen. First we went to the well. I wanted to check for fish
“Do you still have fish in the well?” I asked Ammachi
“Nah, lost all of them”
“How?”
“Last monsoon the well was nearly over flowing and all the stupid fish jumped out”
“did you manage to catch them?”
“pinney(ofcourse). They were all jumping up and down and shouting and telling me to catch them and make fish curry”
“Go Ammachi. You always gives silly answers!”
“silly questions deserve a silly answer!”
I walked towards the cattle shed.
“Where is Manikutty?” I asked her
“I sold her”
I was stunned. “Why did you sell my Manikutty? You knew it was mine, How could you sell her? Did you sell her to kashappukaran(slaughterer)?”
“Nina, you can’t keep an old cow at home, because you like her. life is a cycle”
I was extremely upset with Ammachi for selling Manikutty. I named her Manikutty. I played with her, I fed her.
I started to walk towards the mango tree behind the cattle shed. There were no mangoes.
“Did you make any uppu manga(whole mango pickle) last year?” I asked her
“Yes. I will ask Chakki to take some out for you from the bharani(pot)”
That is when I spotted the tree that got me in to so much trouble. It has grown much bigger in the last 6 years, now it is almost the same size as the mango tree.
When we came back from Malaysia, we stayed in Chengannur house for few weeks. I was playing outside and found the fruit. I thought the fruit was a mango and tried to eat. If it wasn’t for Chakki who came out of the kitchen to get the firewood, I would have been dead. My mother tried to cut the tree and Ammachi didn’t let her. That was the day, Appa and Amma decided to move out of the house, because the farm and owner of the farm was not bothered to keep little children safe!
“Why do you still have this useless tree?” I asked Ammachi pointing the othalam.“
Ammachi looked at me. I could see that she was thinking.
“Why Ammachi? Why didn’t you let Amma cut the tree that time?”
“Nina the tree is there as a reminder”
“Reminder for what?” I asked her
“Nina, the tree is there to remind me that, death is only a fruit away!”
“What? Why do you want to die?” I couldn’t believe my wonderful grandmother thought of killing herself.
“Nina, I planted this plant, soon after your grandfather died. Whenever life overwhelmes me, I come here and stand in front of the tree. I know one fruit is all it takes to end my life.”
“Did you ever try to eat the fruit?” I asked her
Ammachi looked at me
“Did you ever try to eat the fruit?” I don’t know why I raised my voice
“once”
“Why?”
“that is a long story”
“What happend then?”
“Nothing happend” Ammachi shrugged her shoulder.” I didn’t eat. Because I felt, if I eat, I am a loser. I didn’t fight all these battles in my life to eventually lose everything to one stupid fruit”
I looked at my grandmother and tried to think. Isn’t this what they call nimittham..
nimittham: (I assume the word is correct). Sometimes there are things that happens that only you can understand. It is as though everything around you come together to make one statement, one meaning, just to make you see things differently