How far is worst?

My appointment at the hospital was at 9 AM. Amma and Acha came with me. As I entered the hospital, I felt terminally ill. There were 6 doctors attending to me.
One doctor in white coat asked me
“Can you walk? do you need a wheel chair?”
I looked at my mother, because I got so worried. I thought may be there is something really wrong with me. May be I have cancer and that is why Amma bought me here. Except for occasional fever and running nose, I wasn’t sick at all. Then I remembered the ear infection I had some months ago. Was that a sign of cancer? Is that why she brought me here? Am I dying? Is that why Acha is nice to me?
Amma looked at me angrily, because I didn’t answer the doctor who asked me if I needed a wheel chair.
“No, she is fine. She is a little bit shy” Amma spoke on my behalf. The moment the doctor turned his back, my mother screetched in Malay
“Can’t you bloody answer the doctor? Must you be so dumb?”
I didn’t answer back. I hoped Acha would understand me. He too didn’t say anything.
I had three tests for hearing. I wasn’t worried about the results. I knew I am deaf and there is nothing could be done about it. The chief consultant came with all my tests results. I watched him explaining to Amma and Acha my tests results. When he finished all the explanations I asked him
“Will I be able to do medicine?”
I could see the disbelief in my mother’s face. Her deaf and dumb and blind daughter wants to do medicine!. She gave me ‘How stupid can anyone get’ kind of look. I ignored her.
The doctor looked at me and at my audiogram report. He smiled at me and spoke
” You can be a doctor Nina. You are only deaf in 2 frequency ranges. You won’t hear a phone ringing or a car honking, but you will be able to hear a heartbeat using a stethoscope. God has been kind to you!”
I nodded my head and said”Thank you”.
As we left the hospital Acha spoke to me
“I didn’t know you want to do medicine”
“She is like her father, always wants things you can’t get and then cry like the wolf who couldn’t eat the grapes and said it is sour. She just deosn’t know to dream about achievable dreams!” Amma spoke
“Mary, if she wants to do medicine, let her. She can chose what she wants to do in her life”
That was the moment, I promised, I will never forget Acha for the rest of my life. Acha was the first person in my life, who stood up for me and I loved him more than anything else. I felt I owe my life to him.

In the evening we went to the Mysore gardens to watch the dancing lights. While everyone stood to watch, someone got chairs for us to sit inside the barricaded area. I could see people pointing to us and saying
I felt so important. I sat on my chair with my feet tucked neatly under the chair and my hands folded on my lap. I had to act dignified, not the dookkily malayalee from Kerala.

I was awaken in the morning by the maid with a cup of earl grey tea brewed to perfection.
“Madam, your riding instructor is waiting for you outside.”
I looked at Maria who was drinking her tea and reading the paper and asked her
“What riding instructor?”
“We are going to learn horseback riding Nina”
“Really?” I couldn’t beleive it.
“Yes really, the instructor is bringing all our stuff today. Acha ordered brand new breeches, boots and helmets for us”
I loved Acha. He was the best thing that ever happend to me.

20 thoughts on “How far is worst?

  1. Acha seems like a breath of fresh air for now.
    lol at ‘dookkily malayalee ‘…that’s a funny term.
    Posts are so frank.There are times when I just let my emotions move with your writing.You speak from the heart when nobody does these days.

  2. Wow!…happy u are having a nice time in Mysore.

    Dookley malayali…..had a good laugh.

    u are a down-to-earth person sarah:) u write straight from ur heart.


  3. Sarah, I know you are risking a lot to write the story of your life.. I saw this poem by William Arthur Ward to-day and I thought you would like to read it:

    “To laugh is to risk appearing a fool,

    To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

    To reach out to another is to risk involvement,

    To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.

    To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.

    To love is to risk not being loved in return,

    To live is to risk dying,

    To hope is to risk despair,

    To try is to risk failure.

    But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

    The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.

    He may avoid suffering and sorrow,

    But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live.

    Chained by his servitude he is a slave who has forfeited all freedom.

    Only a person who risks is free….”

  4. Hi Nina

    Ive been reading your blog from the beginning and woah…. ive smiled, laughed and cried so much. Your writing brings so much warmth to the heart, its like I’m seeing it right infront of my eyes. Your style of narration is so amazing, you definitely shud publish it and im booking your first publication now already!

    To all those people judging Nina about the truth in her narration, and how she remembers in detail – let me tell you if yu had even expirienced an ounce of pain in your childhood you would remember every bit of it. My best friend remembers everything, he still relives the pain. And like me, until i tell someone of the hurt someone caused me i dont get free of it, so go on Nina tell all, we are here to here it out and free you of your hurt , to help you look for answers to all the questions…

    techno_malayalee : amazing poem, too good, im gonna read it on a daily basis, very inspiring indeed


  5. Techno: In a way, it didn’t make any difference. I knew I am deaf and they confirmed it!

    Thanu: Soon.. u will know

    Alex: Yeah.. fell down from the horse too…I should have known, I am calamity jane’s new avtar!

    Justme: Life…is like that!

    Maya: I know.. sometimes, I cry when I type.. sometimes I laugh and my oldest would stand near the door with a frown!

    Visithra: I was glad, i wasn’t dying…I really thought I had brain tumor!

    Sujit: !

    Rose: Athey, enne evidittituu evideya mungiye? Kore nal ayallo kandittu?

    Jay: Thank you very much and yes, I write this from my heart.. so I can be free finally..

    Ronnie: I enjoyed the riding lessons.. I did have a good time

    Techno: You have no idea, how much I enjoyed the poem.. Thank you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Silverine: We did.. unfortunately, all of had sever stolkholme syndrome

    Hope and love: I did many things mother wanted me to..even when I didn’t want.. But medicine.. I wanted to do

    Suemama: We used to say “Dookkili la”.. between us sisters.

    Starry: I was so happy that there was someone to believe in me

    Rachana: Thank you so much

    Gettha: It was too good!…

    Ann: That was sweet. Thank you very much

  6. Njan ee blog vittitte munguvanne thonnunundo????

    I visit this space evryday.. Soemtimes I dont get any words to express wat I feel after reading ur post.. So i escape from commenting..

    So even if I may not comment be assured that Im around here somewhere watching the story unfold before my eyes and feeling probably a crumb of wat u went thru..



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *