My sadness turned to anger the more I thought about what Akkachi did to me. Akkachi knew she was leaving. yet she didn’t tell me. I thought of all the hints she had given the last 2 weeks.
Like the time I came back from school about 2 weeks ago,before I could go out to play, Akkachi called me
“Nina, do you know how to make curd rice?” She asked me
“No Akkachi. Why did you ask me that?”
“Come here, I will teach you how to make”
“Later Akkachi. I will learn cooking when I am big”
“Anyway you have to learn Nina, Why don’t you watch what I am doing. It only takes a few minutes. Take the rice in a bowl, for every cup of rice add 1/2 cup of yogurt and 1/2 t spn salt, heat a spoon of oil, fry a bit of mustard, curry leaves and pour it over the rice. Even if I am not around, you can still make this and eat when you come back from school”
“Where are you going Akkachi?”
“No where Nina, just incase I have to go somewhere, I want to make sure you know how to cook. Nina, do you know the name of all the lentils we use for cooking?”
“No Akkachi. I know in Malay, not in malayalam.”
Akkachi took all the lentil containers and one by one she taught me the malayalam names and I taught her the malay names. How much I laughed when I got Akkachi to say kacang hijau(green gram in malay)
Akkachi lied to me that day. She knew She is leaving. She must have waited till Maria came back. So she could see her one last time.
I thought of today morning before I went to school.
Akkachi hugged me and told me
“Do well Nina, May you have all the blessings” and I thought she was wishing me good luck for the hindi examination. I am a world class idiot. I was sure of that.
“Nina, come and eat dinner.” I heard Amma calling me
I didn’t want to eat, but I went anyway because I didn’t want to start another fight.
There was beef perattal, my favourite Avial and cherupayar thoran. Akkachi must have made all this for me before she went. I am the only one at home who likes to eat avial. Each mouth of rice that went in all I could think was how much I hate Akkachi. ‘I hate you Akkachi. I just hate you for what you did to me’
“Now that Akkachi is away, all of you have to work to keep the house clean” Amma spoke
“Are we getting a new maid Amma?” Liza asked
“Shhh.” I ignored Amma hushing Liza. I wanted to tell her,’I know Akkachi is gone, I overheard you telling that to Liza, so you don’t have to pretend that, Akkachi is going to come back after few days!’
“Maria, you wash the dishes, Nina can clean the table, Liza can help you to dry the dishes”
“aiyyo Amma, I can’t do the dishes. It will spoil my nails. Everyone at my college love my nails, besides i just polished my nails this morning.Why don’t you ask Nina to do the dishes, anyway she doesn’t have any nails.”
Amma looked at me and at Maria
“That reminds me, Nina I think it is high time you stopped biting your nails.”
I didn’t respond. I don’t know why I bite my nails. After biting so much, my nail bleeds most of the time. But I can’t stop biting. The last time my nails were bleeding badly, Akkachi decided to help me. I thought of how Akkachi applied some bitter ayurvedic medicine on my nails and how I bit my nails along with the bitter medicine. Suddenly I felt an uncontrollable rage
‘Akkachi Akkachi Akkachi. That is all I can think of. I hate you Akkachi, you have no idea how much I hate you Akkachi’. I was upset with myself for hating Akkachi. Somewhere at the back of my head something told me
‘be sensible Nina, if she told you she was leaving, you wouldn’t have written your exams well’. I tried to hush that voice.
After dinner I went to the kitchen to wash all the dishes. It was the first time I ever washed dishes. Amma doesn’t buy dish soap. We have to use ash* mixed with water to clean the dishes. I felt so yucky. There were left over food scraps blocking the sink. I used my hand to clean that.
“Amma” I scremed
“What?” Amma came in to the kitchen
“Where do I throw this?” Water was dripping from the rubbish in my hand
“Oh my goodness Nina, use your stupid brain. Look, You dirtied the floor. You silly stupid child, you are supposed to throw all the rubbish in to the bin before you start washing. Throw what is in your hand in the rubbish bin and make sure you mop the floor.”
I was angry with Akkachi, angry with Amma, angry with Maria. Maria could have thrown the food scraps in the bin, before she put them for wash. I thought of all the times, I put the dishes for washing before throwing the rubbish. I remembered how Akkachi would use her hand and remove all the scrap. I suddenly realized I am becoming the new Akkachi.
*I was trying to remember from where we got the ash to clean the dishes. Does anyone know what kind of Ash we used at that time?
Goodbyes are alwaz hard…
Didn’t u leave malaysia without saying goodbyes?
so now i learnt how to make curd rice 😉
ash.. must be from the firewood? and the brush to scrub from coconut husk?
hmm.. dont know where the story is taking us to!
It is from the firewood Sarahye.
Actually they are much better than any hard chemical or soap…
oh Blimey!two people I liked…one was Akkachi…other was Ammachi.
And I am only reading this,can’t imagine how hurt you must have felt
OH! Sarah..I can only imagine how sad you were that Akkachi had left.She really cared for you. I am sure she must have felt awful leaving without saying good bye.
I know Sarah how you feel…I still hope you find akkachi one day…the maid at my granny’s would use ash to do the dishes…..she said it was better than all the detergents put together…it didnt look good to me.
I still bite my nails.. They are only a couple of millimetres long.. Its some sort of cumpulsive disorder that I have…
I am sorry for you abt Akkachi.. U deserved to know abt her wherabts and an explanation for leaving you.. esp since she meant so much to you in those days.. and still does..
At our tharavaade we used to use ash from wood for cleaning dishes..
🙂
..Me
it used to come from the adappu(stove outside) where they used to make food.. the ash from there used to be taken to clean the dishes… its amazing how in those days, everything was reusable in one form or the other, no waste..no haste !!!
it’s sad tht she had to leave u, mebbe she had her own reasons.
it must have been so hard for Akkachi, she loved Nina so dearly. more the love, tougher the parting. looking forward to knowing what Kharagpur did to Maria.
I can understand your sense of betrayal since she was the only one who really cared about you. I still have my ‘Akkachi’ and thank god for that 🙂
Ash was quite good, though not if the dish was too greasy and it could be quite corrosive to the hands after constant washing.
my my sarah..i dont know how you write so vividly..i should say it has some GOST touch to it..i am sure someone must have told you that already..
splendid..i wish i could get all your posts in the form of a book…some day perhaps..
That must have been a very hard situation for you!
I did bite my nails when I was a child .. but later on it vanished with my self confidence going up and insecurities way down. I think that’s what did it.
I love reading your stories … you narrate MOST beautifully!! Thanks so much for sharing!! 🙂
the ash wd be frm normal aduppu where we use choottu and madals to burn :p
Hey, I’m back and catching up on your blogs. The very first day I got to see Moolam Vallamkali in Champakulam.
i feel bad that u are left to fend for yourself..hope things turn out better,I can wait to know what happens next
Thanu: U got me thinking.. I realized now from where I learned to leave without saying goodbye..
Rocksea: Aha.. so u like curd rice… I still make it, when I am hungry and lazy to cook anything elaborate
Inji: After that day.Amma bought Vim, so i couldn’t remember from where Akkachi got the Ash..and we didn’t use much of fire wood at home as we were using Gas stove and Kerosene stove..
Maya: There were moments I thought life always played funny games with me.. I always lose the people I love the most..
Starrynights: knowing Akkachi, she must hv thought abt me everyday.. I am sure her prayers held me safe till now
Neihal: I didn’t like to use Ash and told my mother, if she wants me to do the dishes, she has to buy the dish soap..Initially we had Vim and then it went to Nirma…but when I had to use Nirma, i would have opted for the Ash, I was allergic to Nirma and my hand used to itch for hours.
Rose: I used to bite till sep 9th 2003..One day I will blog as to why I stopped..
Sk: I was just trying to remember our aduppu at home.. I can’t remember.. I guess somethings I hv blocked out without any apprent reasons
Arjun: I had a sister before she went to do engineering, then I had a stranger.. someone I could never ralte to anymore.. May be it was the age difference.. From Manorama magazine to Sidney sheldon… she was transformed.. From malay and malayalam to english.. I didn’t know my sister anymore
Silverine: when I wrote abt Akkachi, I was thinking abt you.. I was thinking how lucky u were that ur akkachi came back to live with all of u..I lived the last 23 yrs hoping that Akkachi would come back…but then again there was no way she would be able to find us..
Hillgrandmom: I agree completely.. till Amma bought Nirma, I thought Ash would damage my skin.. and Nirma damaged my skin even more… to this day i can’t do dishes without wearing gloves..
Mindcurry: Some day..like all the other dreams that have been taken off the fire for the someday!
i love munich: Ah.. so I found somene else who used to bite her nails… There was a period, my hand used to bleed, because I bit too deep..
Jithu: In chengannur we used choottu and madala.. but not in Kottayam( there was hardly any chootta).. that is why I couldn’t remember how Akkachi got the ash
Techno: sigh.. I so very much want to watch the vallam kali again
Shankari: Sometimes u are alone even when you have everyone.. Mine was such a story.
I really wonder how they allowed you to study – im sure theres a twist there too 🙁
akkachi is so much a part of here – we will realy miss her
your poor akacki is so touchy !
🙁
and of course you, it is not pity.
hey the ash was from the “adippu” or the fireplace where the cookin was done…