I was extremely hungry, but I didn’t know where the mess was and I didn’t know how to ask for help in english. I didn’t have lunch yesterday because my wonderful mother cooked fish head curry, I didn’t have dinner because Maria decided to buy ela choru at the Palghat station and I didn’t feel like eating it. I wanted to eat Appam and egg curry, she decided to buy what she wanted. I was a stupid child with a humongous ego and refused to eat the ela choru. I didn’t have any breakfast either because we came to the college straight from the railway station.
I opened my bags and started to unpack. I was afraid that, my pickle bottles would have broken, when Appa threw my bags. Fortunately for me, the horlicks bottles were still intact. I looked at the bottles. One bottle had fish pickle and the other bottle had coconut chutney. I realized I had no spoon, no fork, not even a plate with me. I got up and closed the door. I opened the fish pickle bottle. Using my fingers I scooped up the pieces of fish from the bottle and ate. The oil in the pickle was dripping from my hand and I started to cry. I felt I was just like a urchins in the railway stations, going through the echil(thrash) and scooping up anything that is edible. and in their hurry to eat, dropping the food all around them and making a mess.
I hated my fate. Here I am, in a medical college hostel, away from everyone I know, even my own sister betrayed me and I knew there is lunch for me somewhere in that hostel and I just didn’t know how to find it.

I used my left hand and closed the pickle bottle, so the oil in my right hand won’t dirty the cap. I used the newspaper Amma had used to wrap the pickle bottle to wipe my hand. I looked at the paper. It was an old Malayala Manorama news paper. The only link I had with my home and now I have succesfully dirtied it. I hated myself for being so helpless and useless. I felt my mother was right all along. I was simply not good enough.

I heard someone knocking my door and I opened the door.
“Hi, my name is Aparna. I am your room mate”
I looked at the girl infront of me. She wore a beautiful green salwar and she had very long hair. She looked so pretty.
“This is my mother,my father, my grandmother, my uncle and my aunty.” “They are my cousins” She pointed to 2 girls and 3 boys.
“My name is Nina” I replied, hoping that the grammer is correct
“Where are you from?” Her mother asked me
“Kottayam” I replied
“Malayalee ah?” Her grandmother asked
“hmm” I nodded my head.
I heard the grandmother speaking in Tamil to her grand daughter,”make sure you lock your cupboards at all times. You can’t trust any of them”
I thought of telling her in Tamil that I don’t need any of her grand daughter’s stuff.
My quiet room suddenly turned in to a battle zone. I watched all her cousins and aunty and uncle sitting on my bed. I sat on my chair and watched them.
“Where are your parents Nina?” Her mother asked, while she nailed a picture of Lord Krishna on the wall
“Home” I replied
“oh. Are they working?”
“Yes”
“Where?”
“Amma telephones, Appa Dubai”
“Oh Gulf Malayalee ah?”
I wasn’t sure if I should be proud to be a Gulf Malayalee or not. I didn’t respond.
“What kind of work your father do?”
“He works for British government” I have heard my mother tell that dialogue a thousand times and it came naturally out of my mouth.
“oh”
The word British somehow changed the attitude of everyone in the room. I felt there was after all some benefit to having a useless father, if he worked for her Majesty.
Short while later, my second room mate arrived.
“Hi I am Shylaja. I am from Bangalore”
“Nina, from Kottayam”
“Aparna from Salem”
“This is my mother and this is my aunty. My father passed away when I was little”
I looked at her mother. A very simple lady. She had a cute nose ring. She smiled at me sweetly. I wished, fate would do some magic and give me a new mother.
I thought of telling Shylaja, I have everyone alive in this world, yet I have no one. So you are better than me. Atleast you can tell everyone that your father is dead. How can I do that, when mine is alive?
Aparna’s mother decided to stay the night at the hostel, while the rest of her family decided to stay at the hotel nearby.
I watched Shylaja convincing her mother to go back home and that she is fine on her own.
“Can we go and eat our dinner?” Shylaja asked after her mother left
“ok” Aparna and I replied
“What about your mother?” Shylaja asked Aparna
“My father will bring food for her later”
“Oh ok”
I watched Shylaja going out and asking the cleaning lady, where the hostel mess is and we followed her.
Just as we reached the main door of the hostel, we heard
“hey Juniors, where is your anthem?” We turned around to face three scary looking seniors.
“What anthem?” Shylaja asked
“You have not learned yet?” One wearing a soda glass spectacle shook her head as though we have committed a major crime
The second one in pink salwar came close to us. She looked so angry. My heart was beating non stop.
“Every time you see a senior, you will stand in attention, place your right hand across your chest and sing at the top of your voice”
“Oh, mighty mighty senior
I am a dirty dirty junior”
“Ok” We replied feebly
“What ok? You guys blind and deaf? Didn’t you hear what we just told you?”
Three of us looked at the demons infront of us, trying to understand what they were saying
“you stupid. SING” Screamed the third one
Quickly my hand went across my chest and I stood in attention and together we belted out our first song of the evening. As soon as we finished the song we turned to walk
“Where are you going?” We heard one of them asking
“Dinner” Shylaja replied
“Did you hear what we just told you? How do idiots like you get admission for medicine?
We didn’t answer.
“Did you hear that, you have to sing the song every time you see your senior?” One of them came to me and removed my spectacles.” This is not powerful enough for you? Can’t you see there are three of us here?” She pushed my spectacles back on my face
I watched Aparna and Shylaja standing in attention and I quickly followed them.We sang the songs three times. One for each of them
“Why did you sing four times?” “Is there someone else here?” The one wearing pink salwar turned around to look.
” We sang one song for each of you” Shylaja replied
“You sang four times, there are only three of us here. Now take back the extra song you sang”
We didn’t reply. There was no way we could take back the song.
“Do you know what is the punishment for disobedience?”
We shook our head
“Three of you will go to the library tomorrow and count all the books there. Don’t even try to cheat. We know the librarian and he has already told us how many books are there in the library”
“What if someone borrowed a book?” Shylaja asked
“You are talking back to a senior? How dare you? You are supposed to do what you have been asked. You will be punished for your audacity. You will come to room number 321 this evening. Do you understand that?” Screamed the pink salwar demon.
Shylaja was about to cry and I pulled her and started to walk. On the way to the mess hall, everytime we met a stranger, we stood in attention and sang the anthem. We even sang for some of the juniors as we didn’t know who was a senior and who was a junior.
That evening all the juniors had to meet the seniors at the basket ball court. We were asked to sit in a circle. Boys on one side and the girls on the other side. I sat next to Shylaja. Aparna had already met other tamilian students and was with them.
One senior boy stood in the middle and spoke
“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, stupids and idiots, welcome to the medical college. This is your home for the next 5 years. For most of you, more than 5 years” He pointed to us.
“We expect absolute obedience, loyalty and respect from our juniors”
“hear hear” clapped all the seniors.
First let us start today’s session. Each of you will introduce yourself. Start with the boys”
I watched each student getting up, standing in attention and saying the name and the place. Eventually it was Shylaja’s turn, She got up, stood in attention and spoke, “Shylaja, from Bangalore”
It was my turn next. I got up, stood in attention and spoke
“Kottayam, from Nina”