By the time I reached Chengannur railway station, I was tired at the same time excited. I knew Ammachi would be thrilled to see me. As I passed the coffee shop near the junction, I knew what I would do. I will buy some porotta and kuruma and take it home with me. Ammachi would love that. I bought 4 porottas and a plate of kuruma and took an autorickshaw instead of walking.
When I reached the junction near home, I stopped the auto and paid the fare.
“Kairaliye kando Kochumaharani?”( Have you seen Kairali?) ShankaranChettan called out as soon as he spotted me
“Ofcourse, wasn’t it here 5 seconds ago? Didn’t you see? Aiyyah Chetta, you need to get your eyes tested” I replied
“You are just like your grandmother, quick witted” He spoke
“hmmm” I replied
“Athey Kochumaharani, How come none of your sisters or your mother ever visit your Ammachi?”
“Don’t know Chetta”
“You do realize your Ammachi is growing old, don’t you? Isn’t it time, all of you come and stay here. After all this is your home!”
“I know Chetta, I will be back here in 4 years. Then we will start a small clinic here and you, Shankaran chettan, will always get free treatment”
He looked at me and grinned, exposing his tobacco stained teeth.
“You are just like your grandmother, kind and caring”
“hmm, Bye Chetta, I will see you later” and I started to walk towards home. I knew, I will have to come back here and settle down. I owe Ammachi that much. I thought of Beutiful eyes. Would he care to settle down in this tiny village, where everyone knows everybody else? I hoped he would.
As I walked on the bund road, I looked for the thatched roof. I couldn’t spot it, but then again, all the rubber trees have grown very tall. Ammachi was talking about planting new rubber trees last time when I came to see her. May be I should go to the agricultural ministry and order new rubber saplings. As I reached our paddy fields, I noticed a lorry in Chackochan’s house. It was almost full with household stuff. Where is Chackochan going?
I looked at our house and saw Ammachi sitting on the veranda, looking at the bund wall. Aiyyah, I was planning to surprise her. Now she would have seen me. I felt very disappointed.
When I reached the steps, Ammachi looked up and asked
“Oh, so it is you the crows were announcing this morning!”
“What?” I looked at her
“Kakka kalathu virunnu vilichu*”
I looked at her, trying to see if she was happy or disappointed to see me.
“Go, wash up and come. I am hungry” She spoke and slowly got up from the parapet wall. She didn’t even ask me, Why am I here and I knew something wasn’t right. But I had no idea what was wrong. I walked towards the well to wash up. What is going on?
When I entered the kitchen after washing my legs and hands, the table was already set. There was rice,theeyal, and ulli chammanthi on the table. Ammachi had already started to eat. I looked at the poratta and kuruma in my hand. It didn’t feel like the right time to tell Ammachi that I bought porotta for her.
Silently I took the plate, took some rice, theeyal and Chammanthi. This isn’t the normal food at home. She always made, moru(yogurt curry) payaru thoran(greengram curry), if she knew I was coming home.
I don’t ever remember Ammachi making theeyal at home. She must have really struggled to make this. Who was Ammachi waiting for? It wasn’t me. I knew that for sure.
We ate in silence. After eating the food, Ammachi got up and she took her plate from the table
“Leave the plate there Ammachi, I will wash it” I spoke
“ok” She left the plate on the table and went to wash her hands. I saw her walking towards the veranda.
After I finished eating, I cleared the table, took the plates outside and washed them. Why isn’t Ammachi not talking to me? Who was she waiting for? Certainly not my father. Was she waiting for my aunty? I felt a tinge of jealousy, thinking that Kochumol aunty is getting more love than me. I felt Ammachi should only love me. I am her favourite. I should be.

After I washed everything, I closed the kitchen door and walked towards the veranda. The living room smelled of jasmine flowers. I looked around the room, there were no flowers in the living room, I went to Ammachi’s room and found a steel plate full of jasmine flowers on her table. I could hear people talking from Chackochan’s house. Is something going on between Chackochan and Ammachi? I remembered how Chakki used to say that Ammachi and Chackochan are in love. I have to know. I marched to the veranda. Ammachi was looking at the bund wall
“What is going in Chackochan’s house?” I asked her
“They sold the house”
“Who are they?”
“His sons”
“What will happen to Chackochan, where is he going to stay?”
“He already found a permanent place”
“Where?”
“At the cemetry”
I looked at my grandmother. I wasn’t sure, if she has gone mad. why is she talkign to me like this.
“Tell me the truth Ammachi, Where is Chackochan?”
“Didn’t I just tell you? Did you leave your brain at the medical college? Chackochan died 2 months ago”
“2 months ago? 2 months ago and why didn’t you tell me, when I was here last time?” I was so mad at her
“Forgive me, your holiness, I didn’t know you could bring to life, dead people” Ammachi was equally mad.
I was so angry, I stormed out. I went through so much of trouble to come home, so I could surprise Ammachi. But it didn’t look like she was happy to see me at all. I walked to the creek. It was empty. I found a spot under the jackfruit tree and sat down. I remembered the time, Ammachi and I hid behind the tree, before she went and broke Chackochan’s bund wall. I remembered the times,they fought with each other, the time Chackochan took our jackfruit and how Ammachi took his hen. I couldn’t believe he is no more. I knew everyone will die one day, but somehow, I thought everyone I knew will be around for a long time.
I had to do something for Chackochan and the only thing I knew, I could do for him was to pray for his soul. For the first time in 3 years I prayed
“Lord, please bless his soul and give him eternal rest”
Chackochan was like a grandfather to me. And now he gone, how long before Ammachi too would go? I felt scared thinking about it.
I could hear dried leaves getting crushed and I knew Ammachi is walking towards me. I was still angry with her, so I didn’t bother to lift my head and look at her
“Ente kuttikku deshyayo?”(Did I make my child very angry)
“I am not a kutti(child)” I replied, still not looking at her
“Nina, I knew you would be upset, if I told you that Chakochan died. You come here for few days and I didn’t want you to be sad. That is why I didn’t tell you”
“How did he die Ammachi?”
“He was working in the fields Nina, When he didn’t come home to eat lunch,his daughter in law went looking for him, she found him lying on the ground unconscious. They took him to the hospital, but the doctors said, it was too late, he died that evening”
“hmm”
What would happen to my grandmother? What if she collapsed one day? Who would find her and take her to the hospital? I looked at my grandmother. I knew, she knew what I was thinking.
“Whatever has to happen will happen Nina”
“hmm” I replied
“Why are you here Nina? Did you get in to any trouble at the college again?”
“Nah, I came here to do something for you”
“What?”
“Shhh! Secret” I placed my finger on my lip
“What secret?”
“You will know later”
“When?”
“Didn’t you hear, your holiness, that I said later?” I looked at her.”Where did you leave your brain?”
“I am not talking to you” Ammachi turned and started to walk
I got up and quickly walked to her side
“Athey, many many years ago, one January night you took me somewhere to show me something. Now I am taking you to the same place to show you the same thing”
Ammachi stopped walking, she looked at me
“Did you come all the way from the medical college to do that?”
“hmm” I replied
“Oh Nina” she hugged me. There were tears in her eyes
“Sho! Why are you crying like a baby?” I wiped the tears from her cheeks.
“Come, let us go inside”
Together we walked, hand in hand, years ago, she held my hand to guide me, now I held her hand to support her.
*kakka virunnu vilichu: Normal house crows in Kerala have a greyish line on their neck, but there are some crows without that line, and if they caw in a special tone, then it means that you will have a visitor.