My son had his school semiformal last week.
And we had a little argument..
Normally after a school event, kids would host an informal party. The best part of the semiformal is the informal party. My son decided he is not going for the informal party because there will be drugs and alcohol.
That is when the trouble started. I let Yaya go for the informal party knowing very well that there will be drugs and alcohol. She attended, had a good time..
I felt my son should attend the informal party. Because, this is how it is going to be..all the parties from now on..will have drugs, alcohol, unprotected sex etc. Instead of saying no, I am not attending, I wanted my son to say No, I am NOT doing drugs, or drinking or having unprotected sex. Instead of hiding, he should be able to stand up and say No.
I told him, he is going to the party.. but at any moment he felt unsafe or uncomfortable, call a cab and leave the venue. (it takes me an hour to get to the venue from my place)
These are the tips I gave my son
- Do not take drugs..even if you are being peer pressured . Say No.
- If you are drinking, make sure you poured it yourself and watch your drink always.
- If people are behaving irrationally, or starting a fight, leave immediately
- Do not get in to a car with a driver who consumed alcohol.
- Call the cops if you feel your life is in danger.
He attended the informal party and when I picked him up at 1 AM, the first thing he told me was
“Thank you Mom for forcing me to go for the informal party, I had a good time”
It turns out, only few people drank and smoked weed.. the rest just danced and ate pizza..
Sara,
You have addressed the intense academic pressures and social pressures that kids face today in your last two posts. They certainly do not have it easy! And as you said, kids have to be able to stand up to the social pressures. Because when they go away to college it is going to be in their face all the time and they have to learn to handle it. They all do in their own way over time.
Many parents are not aware of what their kids are doing or going through because they are not open to communication and hence are not there to provide the emotional support to their kids when they most need it.
I think college age kids go through a lot of pressure these days – from all sides. They have their parents and society putting the academic pressure on them and their peers putting the social pressure on them. And they have to balance both!
SS
SS: I think every parent should have open lines of communications with their children.. My kids tell me everything because I don’t judge them.. and they know they can count on my support all the time..
It’s the judgement part and respect that is needed from the parent in order to communicate. I think parents should communicate and accept that kids will be going to places where drugs/alcohol is involved, but at the same time enforce that it’s ok to say “no” to alcohol/drugs if they are not into it. Or if drinking talk about when it’s a good idea to stop drinking and have them know when their limits are up. That’s what I do whenever I drink.
J1206: I drink like a fish and no one told me when it is a good time to stop drinking or to know when the limit has reached.. You learn that by living through/surviving the worst hangover.. I know my children will learn their own limit in their own way.. it is not something I can teach them..