Today, I need to go to the city, which means I will be driving by his place and I have to accept that I can’t park my car in the drive way, walk up to his place and find him either sitting on the dining chair or the couch with his laptop/ipad in his hand and waiting for me.. I am known for being a stickler for punctuality, yet with him I never once kept the time. I was always an hour late every time we arranged a time to meet and he never once complained. He would wait for me patiently..
I wouldn’t see the way his eyes light up when he sees me and the smile on his face.
He wouldn’t be there to ask me “Do you want some coffee?” and then when I nod my head and say “yes”, he wouldn’t be there to tell me “Go, make it yourself” This was something he called ‘honey trap’ that I walk in to every single time. I tell myself every single time he did this (asking me if I want coffee and then telling me to go and make it yourself) that next time I will be smarter and tell him, “only if you are making it”.. but in the excitement of seeing him, I forget it.
My youngest told me few days ago “Mama, I know you both will be together eventually, you will never be able to walk away from him because I don’t think it is possible for you to love anyone as much as you love him and he will never walk away from you because you both are meant to be together”
And I think she is right that I will never be able to love anyone as much as I love him.
A very dear friend once told me, you know you met your mate when you find that one person with whom you could be silent and still be heard.
He gives voice to my silence.. and in him I find my soul’s rest and living each day without him is becoming harder and harder.