How fast two weeks went by and I missed updating my blog. Two sets of friends and family have come and gone and two more will arrive this weekend.
When I visited my mother the last time I went to India. She asked me ” Do your children still fight with each other?”
I was really puzzled by that question because I didn’t think my children fought with each other. Of course they have their squabbles, but I was very sure that they do not fight like my sisters and I did for my mother to ask me that kind of question. But then again, most of the first five years of my children’s life were a blur to me and I thought perhaps I am living in denial..
Last week, Yaya gave her external hard drive to her youngest sister, so she could watch teen wolf episodes. But then something went wrong while baby was using the hard drive and it stopped working. In it were all of Yaya’s school work and music collection. Most importantly, her 2000 words extended essay draft that is part of her IB curriculum which she needed to submit before the end of the week.
I am not sure why she didn’t print a copy of her essay draft, or even sent it by email to someone ( at least to herself..which I told her to do so many times to do)
Baby was distraught.
But what surprised me the most was how Yaya handled it. She came to me and told me “Mom, I lost everything on that hard drive”. I hugged her and offered to make her a cup of tea. ( like Sheldon Cooper, which always make my children smile). We had tea and cookies and she went back to her room to rewrite her essay..Not a single harsh word was said to her youngest sister..She understood that things like this happen and no one was at fault.
I could have made it worst for her by telling her off for not having saved her work. ( technically she did, she saved it on her external hard drive and assumed it would be fine) I could have told her of for not letting her brother copy her music collection, which if she did, she wouldn’t have lost her entire music collection..all those hours and money spent copying the music..
But I remembered each time I made a mistake, how my mother made it worst for me by going over and over about how I could have avoided the disaster.. as if I wanted something bad to happen to me.
I read somewhere ” your past doesn’t have to dictate your present. It is not your past that defines you, it your reaction and current actions that define you the most”
So, yes, I had a miserable childhood, but it doesn’t mean that my children have to suffer..and no, I wasn’t living in denial,my children don’t fight with each other..they were not raised to hate each other.
A pinch and a punch for the first of the month!!
MS: Thank you. Same to you. 🙂
“But I remembered each time I made a mistake, how my mother made it worst for me by going over and over about how I could have avoided the disaster.. as if I wanted something bad to happen to me.
I read somewhere ” your past doesn’t have to dictate your present. It is not your past that defines you, it your reaction and current actions that define you the most”
So, yes, I had a miserable childhood, but it doesn’t mean that my children have to suffer..and no, I wasn’t living in denial,my children don’t fight with each other..they were not raised to hate each other.”
I quoted that because I needed to read that since I too got some family members who think like your mom and it’s irritating to no end at times, especially when the situation was not entirely in your control. They act like it’s the end of the world. This just happened recently. Worst is when they think studying in India will solve all issues as they provide “coaching”. (as kids are always perceived to be successful there..hmm?). They don’t realize that failure is part of life and is a tool to help you succeed. I’m happy you think otherwise..thank you so much for mentioning this.
Btw, I hope you had a great time with your loved ones. Just had a family gathering on Friday for Thanksgiving (It’s a US holiday, not sure if they do this in Australia?), and just being with your (sane) relatives brings peace and comfort.
J1206: India is never a solution..it is just a convenient excuse for a lot of parents.
We don’t have Thanksgiving here, there is nothing to be thankful when the Aboriginal people were decimated by the white settlers.
nah.. its more like there were no turkeys to be found to slaughter! 🙂
MS: We have Bush Turkeys !! I read somewhere that if you are cooking the bush turkey, toss in your shoes in to the broth along with the bush turkey and cook for few days, throw the turkey out and eat your shoes 🙂
You are a good mother …. and by sharing ur experiences , thoughts….. do you realise how much you influence people out there like me to be better people, better moms… Thankyou so much for this place where you allow us to take glimpses into your life …… making a difference in other ‘s lives…. that’s what life is all about na? 🙂
Martha: Thank you.
A very good lesson. I will try to remember this when dealing with my girls. A different way of thought but hard to follow. ????….
Anju: Trust me, the easiest thing to do was to yell at Yaya for losing her draft..she spend so much time to do the research and write it..but I wouldn’t have gained anything by making her more miserable by yelling at her.
love your quote , and blog. Its helping me become better, and enjoy reading your stories aswell.
I read somewhere ” your past doesn’t have to dictate your present. It is not your past that defines you, it your reaction and current actions that define you the most”
Ra: Thank you