I met Amma after having absolutely no contact with her for 4 years.
I went through so much emotional upheaval thinking about if I should meet her or not. My life was peaceful without her in it the past 4 years and I didn’t want to change the status quo, but at the same time, there was this nagging fear that when she dies, I will regret for the rest of my life that I didn’t make an effort to see her when I went to India. Plus the fact that Yaya is Amma’s first grandchild and they do share a very special bond. I do not think Yaya will make another trip to India for a very long time. She has already mapped out her travel plans for the next few years and India isn’t in her plans.
The first few days, I stared at her number on my phone and couldn’t bring myself to call her. I only had two days to make the trip to Kerala and so I had no choice but to call her. I didn’t know how she was going to react. It didn’t feel like I hadn’t talked to her for ages. Only when I saw her, I realized how much I missed her. If there is one word I can use to describe how my mother looked, it would be ‘evergreen’. She still looks exactly how she looked 20 years ago. I hugged her and told her I love her. ( which was odd, because I didn’t think I could love her)
That evening she was heading to my sister’s place and I was tempted to call her the next morning and ask if she reached safely. I didn’t. I don’t want to go through the dramas again.
My oldest sister had warned that Karma is a bitch and I must remember that I too am raising 3 children and that they too would treat me exactly how I treat my mother. It does bother me when people use Karma as a reason to force you to change your behaviour. I raise my children with no expectations. My old age is my own and I do not think my children should take care of me/call me etc because they have their life to live, just as I have mine. As I mentioned earlier, Yaya has already mapped out her future travel plans and not once has she mentioned coming home to Australia to see her mother/siblings when she is at Uni. I overheard her telling her youngest sister ” you need to learn to shop for your own clothes, you can’t expect me to choose dresses for you, I won’t be here forever” Yaya knows that, so do I and that is how it should be..
The other thing that bothers me about Karma is..Why is no one asking what has Amma done to her parents that gave her such bad Karma?
Anyway, I saw Amma and I am glad I did that.