It all started with a 10 minute snooze. Yaya’s alarm clock rings 5 minutes before mine and as I snuggled under my blanket, waiting for my alarm clock to ring, Yaya decided to come and lay down next to me. A part of me knew, this was going to be a mad morning because everything has to work like clockwork for me to be able to handle their school lunch and then get ready and leave home in time. But how often does a 15 year old come and lay down next to her mother?
15 minutes later, I got up and only then I remembered, I was planning to send Mac and cheese for lunch. It takes 18 minutes to cook the pasta and then I have to make the sauce. I couldn’t really think of anything else to cook and so I decided to stick to the same menu.
10 minutes to 7, while I am making the hot chocolate, child number 3 walks in to the kitchen looking visibly angry ” Mom, I told you to wake me up extra early last night and you didn’t”
She did tell me and I forgot. “I am sorry, but I forgot”
“You never wake me up on time and she started to rant”
“You are 13, you could put the alarm on and get up on your own” I said
“See, you don’t even know how old I am. I hate you” Belatedly I realized she is only 11 and it is her brother who is 13.
Moments like this, I really want to take a big huge cane and hit her till she shuts up. But I know I am the mother here and I should be more matured. So I ignored her progressively increasing rants.
Few minutes later, my son walks in to kitchen wearing a shirt that hasn’t been ironed. His shirt looked like, he rolled it, wrung it, rolled it again and ran a bulldozer over it. This is the shirt, I hung to dry properly on a hanger and somehow the transit from the clothes line to his cupboard has made it look like I haven’t even washed it.
“You shirt looks crumpled” I said
“I know, I can wear it if I want to” He replied.
If my son wants to look unkempt, then I felt, he should be allowed to. After all, it is his life.
“Can you please drop me to the bus stop?” He asked
There is a short cut through the park to the bus stop, but every time when it rains, the ground gets very soggy and because the long and winding route to the bus stop is 1.3 km long, I. being the nice mom, drops them to the bus stop.
7.02, I got the lunches all packed, made hot chocolate and got ready to drive them to the bus stop.
They take the 7.04 bus.
No sign of Yaya. So I called out to her and said ” Yaya, it is 7.04 already”
“Mom, do you think I am blind? I can see the time”
Of course, she can see the time. Why should I bother?
And then my son started his drama. “Can you please drop me first? I am going to miss my bus”
“No” I replied. Why must I drive twice?
Eventually, her Royal highness came out of her room. I looked at the clock. 7.15. As I reached the main road, we saw the bus going past.
“All because of you Yaya, I missed the first three buses. My friends are all in the other bus and if I am late by a second you bring the whole world down and you are 15 minutes late”
They both decided to see who can shout the loudest.
I dropped them to the bus stop. Neither of them gave me a kiss. My son even slammed the car door for good measure.
Came back home, child 3 isn’t talking. She was giving me the silent treatment. I dropped her to school. She too didn’t give me a kiss.
Ideally, I should really be mad, annoyed and hurt. I am actually smiling writing this post..These are the realities of having children. Some days nothing works and they do their darndest to make you wonder why you ever had kids. But this evening, when I get back home, all this would be forgotten. They will be wonderful children again..
Such is the life of a mother.
Sarah: Mine is only 2, and i can imagine with another one on its way, what my life will be b/w the two growing up… i am very short, 5ft, 2″ and my 2 yr old got her dad’s 6ft ht, she is more than half of me in length now and kicks me so hard on my abdomen (another one is inside there) when she wants to throw her tantrums. As she is light in wt, i can forcefully carry her to crib and give her a time out to calm down… but her kicks and tantrums are getting frequent and stronger…i wonder ….really i wonder… what would be when they are growing up…
Swathi: she is going through terrible two..However, that isn’t an excuse to physically hurt you. You need to tell her to stop. I used big words when my kids were little..” your behaviour is obnoxious, inappropriate and am so very disappointed with you” They didn’t understand big words and used to think whatever they did was a major crime. There is a book called ” hands are not for hurting” I used to read it to them from the time they were little and it helped a lot. http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Are-Hitting-Best-Behavior/dp/1575423081
Sarah: She is physically expressive in everything. If I am upstairs for 5 mintutes and comes down , she comes running to me calling “mummyyyyyy” and hugs as if she hasn’t seen me in days. Same is after the 2 minutes of time-out i give her for throwing tantrums ie the running-hugging-mummyyyy cycle. If i take the ratio of the tantrums and this cycle it will be 1:5. I tried to tell her(coming down to her level, looking into her eyes, holding both her hands, with serious tone), but she don’t have a clue that she is hurting. I tried to slap her, and she don’t even understand, that . The only thing that works, is to ignore her and leave her alone with a time-out to cool down, cos after the 2 min time out , she completely calms down. But the more i try to use words or actions, the longer the tantrums last. Sometimes i think its a part of getting attention.
Swathi: You are right..this is all about getting attention, Does vava know she is going to be a big sister? I used to take Yaya with me for all my antenatal checkups. I don’t think she understood the bigger picture about pregnancy..but she knew there is a baby in my belly and would come out when it grows really big and she will be a big sister. I used to take her for shopping and ask her what does she think of the particular item..useful for the baby? she was 20 months old then and it was so much fun and she felt really important.
Sarah: I dont think she understands it. I tell her always there is a “baby” for vava(ie her) in my belly…and then she kisses my belly. Then i ask her “where is vava’s baby?” (i expect her to point on my belly) but instead, she goes running to fetch her baby doll and gives it to me, as if i asked her the doll (which is her baby!) . She knows a bit here and there,but yea,she is not aware of the full picture! i make sure that she doesn’t feel sidelined, so i always assure her , that she is amma’s vava, and the one inside me in “her baby”. cos she associates the word “vava” only with her.. LOL
Also Sarah,vava is a bit slow in her milestones..she didn’t have any teeth till her first birthday, and then within 2 weeks 20 teeth sprouted! Also the last pair of teeth to come up were the front ones (she looked so funny, w/o them!) she walked after 14 mths, now she completed 2 yday, and she is not speaking much (my amma is so worried as i being a blabber mouth started talking at 10 months). I am not worried. i dont push her.. (i was pushed more than enough). she is slowly catching up, with bye, see you, juice, too-too(soother), and different tones with gibberish, when she wants to be serious or complaining. i think different kids take different time.(but she started copying dances and songs even before she stared crawling!!!!)..so i feel its not good to compare her with other kids and worry unnecessarily and put pressure…i dont have any knowledge on raising kids, except the ones i want to avoid and the basic simple thing – mother;s instinct . 🙂
Swathi: Yaya spoke her first word when she was 7 months old. Baby spoke her first word when she was 2 years old. Children develop at different rates ! Don’t worry about it.
Swathi : I think it would be easier for Vava to understand that she is going to be a sister..if you tell her the baby is her vava, then it would confuse her. Perhaps, you could think of another nick name for the new vava and start calling the baby that.