My youngest was born with grey/blue colour eyes. ( over the years it became more brown). When she was about 9 months old, after seeing my daughter’s beautiful grey/ blue eyes, I was asked by the owner of a leading modelling agency , if I would let my 9 month old baby do some modelling.
I refused the offer, because I wanted my 9 month old baby to have a normal childhood. At 9 months, she wouldn’t have understood how rigorous and demanding the industry is. I didn’t want her to grow up under a spotlight. I felt a whole lot of negative issues outweighed a few seconds of fame.
Surely, it would have been nice to see my daughter’s photo in the print media. At least, I could have told ‘4 people’ that my 9 month old daughter is the model for ‘xyz’ company. But it was I, who would have benefited, had I let my baby do the modelling at that time. ( unless I saved all the money she would have earned and didn’t take any credit for being the mom of a famous model !)
I already worry about her body image issues, imagine what would have happened if she was already in to modelling as a child and worked with all the stick insects up close and personal.
Yesterday, my youngest asked me, “mom, what is your expectations about me?” ( We have been having issues with my middle child and this line of discussion has been going for the past few days. I will blog about it later)
I said “nothing, I have no expectations” And I told her ” Baby girl, You are not my masterpiece where I expect that everyone will like my final product and I can take a gracious bow for doing a good job. You are the blank canvas gifted to me, I take care of the canvas making sure that it is protected from moths and other such things..clean the surface regularly and keep it pristine..so you can add whatever colours you want and paint your own picture. If you damaged the canvas, perhaps I could help you fix it, If you want me to shade in something, I could do that too. But it is still your painting. You are your own masterpiece and the only way you can create is by knowing what you want to do in your life. If you study well, get admission to a top Uni, I will be happy for you, just as I would be happy, if you chose to flip burgers at Maccas”
She looked relieved..
But sometimes I wonder, if I should be more demanding.. If I should have worked at the painting? Did I do the right thing when I refused her a chance to be famous? Am I failing my children because of my lack of expectations?
The canvas may be maintained pristine by you, but I hope you influence some of the colors that they will use to paint any picture that they want.
MS: I gave them different brushes of opportunity..and colours of wisdom..Now it is for them to do their masterpiece..
Impressive! I wish I can be this open minded about my son. I would be happy for him “If you study well, get admission to a top Uni” but not if “if you chose to flip burgers at Maccas”. I hope I have the common sense not to tell him…
unlimitedrandomthoughts: Why would you be unhappy if your child chose to flip burgers? Is it because parents are judged for what their children achieve in their life? I want my children to live a life according to basic tenets of humanity..and understand that it is not the money/prestige that makes a good human being.. It is your principles. We still need someone to flip the burger, someone to drive the garbage truck..My grandmother studied till std 5, my dad did his degree and I have double masters degree. Of the three of us, it was my grandmother who lived the best life..She was the captain of her ship and lived a very honest life.
I don’t think I should be judged based on what my child does. But if the rest of the world chooses to do it, I just don’t care. My issue is with money. I am not sure he would be able to make enough to live by comfortably if he “chooses to flip burgers”. My criterion is that he should have a job that can pay for him and his family to be comfortable. And in today’s world, the easiest way to do that is to be good at something that requires specialized knowledge. People have all sorts of worries all the time – whether it is health, interpersonal relationships, etc. Money is the trouble you can fix the easiest. At least, that shouldn’t add to the rest of your problems. I don’t want to see him struggle to make money for his kid’s treatment, for his child’s education,… I am not saying that a good education will solve that problem. I know of well educated jobless people. But my guess is that they would be less in number than less educated jobless people.
It is nice to say that money is not everything. I agree. But if you don’t have the minimum required money, then life is a whole lot tougher!
unlimittedrandomthoughts: you have very valid points. But what I was trying to say is that we equate good education to great future and forget that our children are really the captains of their ship. If they chose to flip the burger, there is nothing you can do to stop them.. the old system of carrot and stick only work short term.. that is why we have a disgruntled generation of youngsters who are unhappy with their life because their parents chose what they should do.
I know that I can’t do anything about it if they do something I wouldn’t have chosen for them. But I can hope, and try to lead them to a better chance of surviving well. And the only thing I can do if I fail is to worry and worry until I die. Which I would do anyway…