We walked past the coconut groove.
“Nina, watch out” Ammachi spoke hurriedly
“What? What happend” I looked all around me. I didn’t see anything
“Watch out Nina, there is a snake near your leg”
“Where?” I started to hop up and down on one leg at the same time screming.
I looked at my feet. I didn’t see any snake. May be it is a small one an is under my feet. I jumped again. Still I couldn’t see the snake. May be it climbed on my leg. I started to lift my skirt and look for the snake on my leg.
All I heard was laughter..like you shake a bottle of pearls. I looked at Ammachi.
“You fooled me. I am not talking to you anymore” I marched down the slope towards the house.
“pedichuthoori(scary cat)!!!!”
I was so mad at myself for falling for that trick. I should have known snakes don’t come out in the hot sun.
Chakki was sitting on the floor and cleaning the yam to make yam curry. She was making my favourite dishes.
“Do you want me to help you?” I asked her
“Help? No way. Your hands will itch. You sit there on the bench and talk to me. Tell me how are your mother and sisters?”
I didn’t want to sit on the bench while Chakki was sitting on the floor. So I pulled the Chirava(coconut scraper) from the bottom of the kitchen counter and sat on it.
“They are all fine Chakki”
“Why didn’t you apply to do pre-degree in Chengannur Christian college? Ammachi was sure, you would come home. She even got Kutten to paint the side room for you”
How would I tell Chakki that it didn’t even cross my mind to apply at the Chengannur Christian college?. How do I tell her that I am an idiot, who fell for money and power?.
“Don’t know Chakki, it didn’t work out”
“Does your mother know you are here?”
“Do you think I would be here, if she knew?” I asked her
“hmm.. Is she planning to go back to Malaysia?”
“I don’t know Chakki. I don’t think so”
Ammachi came inside the kitchen carrying banana leaves.
“Edi Chakki, did you know that Kochumaharani learned to play Chavittu nadakom?”
Chakki looked at me and at Ammachi. She knew there is something. But she didn’t know what it was
“Ask her to show you, if you don’t believe me”
I ignored Ammachi. I knew Ammachi was looking at me.
“I told her there is a snake near her feet and she went oh and ah and danced. Ammachi hitched up her mundu and showed Chakki how I jimped up and down.
“You missed it Chakki, It was such a great performanace. She reminded me of my great grandmother, who was a famous chavittu nadakom dancer”
Ammachi and Chakki was laughing.
“Laugh all you want. One day I will get both of you. Mark my word. I am Methran Thambi’s grand daughter and I will teach both of you for laughing at me”
“That day the crow will fly upside down!” Ammachi responded

Chakki cut the banana leaves in to 4 and placed 2 on the table and 2 on the floor. I felt extremely uncomfortable sitting at the table, while Chakki and Kutten sat on the floor. I don’t understand the hierarchy between master and servant. But there was no way I could fight with my grandmother about the seating arrangement.
While eating the rice Ammachi asked
“So when are you coming again?”
I thought hard
“Thursday, Ammachi”
“Why Thursday?”
“That is when I have catechism class at the college.”
“You don’t want to attend that?”
“No”
Ammachi looked at me. I knew she had many questions. But she didn’t ask me anything.
“Ok” She nodded

After lunch, I told Ammachi
“I have to go now Ammachi, otherwise I will be late”
“hmm”
“What time is the bus from here to Kottayam?”
” There should be one around 2.15pm”
I checked my watch. It was already 2pm.
“Do you have money?” Ammachi asked me
“No” I shook my head.
I watched her going to her room. She came out and gave me 5 ten rupee notes.
“I don’t need this much of money” I told her
“Nina, Buy something you like. That is my gift for scoring good marks for SSLC”
“Aiyya, What mangatholi( mango peel) can I buy with 50 RS? You are becoming too stingy. You, the wife of famous Methran Thambi wants me to buy something with 50RS? Where is your prestige lady? You should be giving 500RS! Anyway who are you saving all the money for?”
Ammachi raised her hand, pretending to hit me and I bolted, Ammachi running after me.
Just as I reached the main door, I turned around and stuck my tongue at her.
“Come here you naghty child” Ammachi was screaming
I ran screaming
“You can’t catch me”
As I reached the bund wall that separates our field from Chackochan’s I stopped and turned to look at Ammachi. She was leaning on the pillar and looking at me.
“I will see you on thursday. Chakkara umma(kisses). I waved at her and I walked towards the main road. Kutten was in the paddy fields pulling out the weeds.
“Bye Jayan Chetta” I smiled and told him.
“Kochumaharani, Jayan died 4 years ago. Now it is Mammotty”
“Bye Mammotty Chetta” I spoke. I could see Kutten Shaking his head.
“Mammootty chetta, I will be back on thursday. Don’t forget to buy me poppins!”
“I will buy you indinga” Kutten spoke
“Oh good. I like them Buy 5 kilos”

As I walked on the bund, I was Nina again, the Nina who likes stories about Kerala, the Nina who likes to watch the Kathakali, the Nina who is Methran Thambi’s grand daughter and the Nina who wouldn’t give up her life because of a stupid person.

As I was sipping the coffee, I looked at Ammachi. She was staring at me. I wanted her to ask me so badly, ‘what is wrong Nina? What is bothering you?’ so I could tell her, what is in my mind. She didn’t. She just kept looking at me
“Why are you staring at me?” I asked her. I was expecting Ammachi to say pointing to her eyes, ‘this is my eyes, I have the right to look what I want to’. But she didn’t.
“You look so much like your father”
“Really?”
“hmmm” She responded
“hmmm” I accepted. Between us, she lost a son and I lost a father somewhere along the life’s journey. It is a topic both of us didn’t want to talk, but it didn’t mean that we forgot.
“So how many marks did you get for SSLC?”
“559”
“Hmmm, that is good, so why wasn’t your photo in the paper?”
“You didn’t see my photo? How could you do that? It was vendakka (humongous) size in the paper, even the chief minister came home to congratulate me and my own grandmother didn’t know” “Aiyyah” I shook my head sadly.
“Did you forget to eat your medicine?”
“medicine? for what?”
“Didn’t they tell you to eat the medicine regularly, when you left oolan para(mental hospital)?”
There is one good thing about arguing with my grand mother. That was losing. There is a joy is losing an argument. Ammachi was looking at me, still trying to control her laughter. She knew she won.
“529”
“I knew you would score above 500, see Chakki, I told you”
Chakki nodded her head.
We heard someone clearing his throat outside the kitchen door. I turned around to look.
“Film star Jayan chettan( cinema tharam Jayan), How are you?” I asked
“Film star? Who?” Chakki was looking at me and Ammachi.
Kutten was trying to hide behind the wall.
“Film star Jayan chettan, why are you hiding behind the wall?” I asked him again. By now Kutten would have wanted the earth to open up and swallow him.
“Kutten Why are you hiding?” Ammachi asked
“Athu….”Kutten had no words
“Athu..because, he made me call him Film star Jayan when I was young. He used to buy me poppins, every time I called him Film star Jayan”
Chakki had her hands on her mouth. She was laughing so much.
“Aiyyoda..Ninakku kannu kanathillayo? Chummathalla nee thengannu paranju kamukel keran nokkiyathu”(you must be blind, because no part of your face resembles the handsome face of the famous film star Jayan)
I couldn’t remember when was the last time I laughed like this. Kutten was mad at me, so he walked off.
“Did he really make you call him film star Jayan?” Chakki asked me
“ofcourse”
“I can’t believe it” Chakki was still laughing
“Men!!!! They are so pathetic” Ammachi spoke
Suddenly I remembered him. Much as I try, I couldn’t shut that face and the memories out. I felt breathless.
“come Ammachi, let us take a walk around the fields” I needed to get out
I pulled Ammachi’s hand and dragged her out of the kitchen. First we went to the well. I wanted to check for fish
“Do you still have fish in the well?” I asked Ammachi
“Nah, lost all of them”
“How?”
“Last monsoon the well was nearly over flowing and all the stupid fish jumped out”
“did you manage to catch them?”
“pinney(ofcourse). They were all jumping up and down and shouting and telling me to catch them and make fish curry”
“Go Ammachi. You always gives silly answers!”
“silly questions deserve a silly answer!”
I walked towards the cattle shed.
“Where is Manikutty?” I asked her
“I sold her”
I was stunned. “Why did you sell my Manikutty? You knew it was mine, How could you sell her? Did you sell her to kashappukaran(slaughterer)?”
“Nina, you can’t keep an old cow at home, because you like her. life is a cycle”
I was extremely upset with Ammachi for selling Manikutty. I named her Manikutty. I played with her, I fed her.
I started to walk towards the mango tree behind the cattle shed. There were no mangoes.
“Did you make any uppu manga(whole mango pickle) last year?” I asked her
“Yes. I will ask Chakki to take some out for you from the bharani(pot)”
That is when I spotted the tree that got me in to so much trouble. It has grown much bigger in the last 6 years, now it is almost the same size as the mango tree.
When we came back from Malaysia, we stayed in Chengannur house for few weeks. I was playing outside and found the fruit. I thought the fruit was a mango and tried to eat. If it wasn’t for Chakki who came out of the kitchen to get the firewood, I would have been dead. My mother tried to cut the tree and Ammachi didn’t let her. That was the day, Appa and Amma decided to move out of the house, because the farm and owner of the farm was not bothered to keep little children safe!
“Why do you still have this useless tree?” I asked Ammachi pointing the othalam.“
Ammachi looked at me. I could see that she was thinking.
“Why Ammachi? Why didn’t you let Amma cut the tree that time?”
“Nina the tree is there as a reminder”
“Reminder for what?” I asked her
“Nina, the tree is there to remind me that, death is only a fruit away!”
“What? Why do you want to die?” I couldn’t believe my wonderful grandmother thought of killing herself.
“Nina, I planted this plant, soon after your grandfather died. Whenever life overwhelmes me, I come here and stand in front of the tree. I know one fruit is all it takes to end my life.”
“Did you ever try to eat the fruit?” I asked her
Ammachi looked at me
“Did you ever try to eat the fruit?” I don’t know why I raised my voice
“once”
“Why?”
“that is a long story”
“What happend then?”
“Nothing happend” Ammachi shrugged her shoulder.” I didn’t eat. Because I felt, if I eat, I am a loser. I didn’t fight all these battles in my life to eventually lose everything to one stupid fruit”
I looked at my grandmother and tried to think. Isn’t this what they call nimittham..
nimittham: (I assume the word is correct). Sometimes there are things that happens that only you can understand. It is as though everything around you come together to make one statement, one meaning, just to make you see things differently

As I ran towards my home, as each step brought me closer to my dreams, I was scared, angry, happy and excited. I didn’t understand, how I could have been so stupid to think that money brings happiness? How could I not write a letter to the one person, who knew me well and loved me? How could I not visit her for once in 6 years.
There is no crime bigger than thinking money brings happiness. This was the place, I found true happiness. This is my land, my home. I took the right turn the kaitha bush. I rememberd how Ammachi used a stick to push the leaves, so I won’t scrape my skin whenever we walked on that bund.
Why was I so blind not seeing the love she had for me? Why did I believe my mother, that my grandmother would do black magic to harm us.
I wanted to see Ammachi that moment. I wanted her forgiveness. I was breathless, still I ran. When I reached our paddy fields, I tried to look for her. She would normally work in the fields and it is easy to spot her white chatta and mundu through the foliage. I couldn’t spot her
I couldn’t wait any longer. I cupped my hand and shouted
“Thangammo, Thangammo”
There was no response. I watched a stranger coming out of Chackochan’s house and looking at me.
I shouted again
“Thangammo, Methran Thambi’s Thangamo”
“ooo” I heard Ammachi responding. I watched her walking to the front of the house and staring at me. I ran all the way down the bund that separates our paddy field from Chakochan’s. I stood on the steps that leads to the courtyard. Suddenly I was scared. What if she tells me to get out? I am the one who abandoned her. This is Ammachi’s house. I looked at her, trying to see her expression. There was no smile, absolutely no reaction. I didn’t know what to do. I watched Ammachi turning her head to one side and speaking
“edi Chakki, quickly hide the upperi( banana chips) dubba. kothichi paru (don’t know how to translate this word) has arrived”
She then turned and looked at me. Her eyes were sparkling.
“I knew you would come one day”
“Ammachi, what did you say?” I watched Chakki coming to the vernada, wiping her hands on the end of her saree. When she saw me, she stood still, as though she saw the devil.
“Oh my goodness, Kochumaharani, you have grown so much, Why didn’t you come all these days? I have been keeping cashewnuts for you for 6 long years. How could you not write a letter?” Chakki was like a super fast KSRTC bus.
I ran to Ammachi and hugged her and I smiled at Chakki.
“I better make some kozhi curry(Chicken Curry). Ammachi shall I kill the white one?” Chakki was acting like a headless chicken.
“Kill the brown one Chakki”
“But Ammachi, it just started to lay the eggs”
“Aiyyah Chakki, my child has come home and you are worried about the eggs that we stand to lose in the future?”
“that is true Ammachi” Chakki nodded her head
“Kutten Chetta, Help me to catch the hen, Kochumaharani has come home” Chakki yelled as she went to the kitchen.
“athey, I could do with a cup of coffee. I haven’t had anything to eat for a long time” I told Ammachi
“Why you didn’t eat? Did I tell you not to eat? Do you think I run a coffee shop here?”
I was so mad at Ammachi. I stuck my tongue at Ammachi
“Oh, so you haven’t forgotten your skills!”
I walked in to the kitchen and asked Chakki for coffee.
“edi Chakki, add some ghee in her coffee. She likes coffee with ghee” Ammachi told Chakki
“Oh, so your coffee shop is opened today?” I asked Ammachi
Chakki looked at Ammachi and at me.
“both of you are meant for each other. Kochumaharani, this house was sleeping since you left, I am so glad you are back”.
I smiled because I knew this is my home.
Chakki gave us freshly made black coffee with a spoon of home made ghee. I tasted mine. It was bitter
“Chakki, I need more sugar”
“Too much of sugar is bad for you Nina” Ammachi spoke
“pishukki maharani(stingy).” I stuck my tongue at Ammachi again. I got up from the bench and took the sugar container from the shelf. I took 2 teaspoon full of sugar and added to my coffee”
“My god, you will finish all my sugar in one go. You think your father owns the provision shop? Do you think I get the sugar free? Ammachi asked me
“Well, you can have the sugar back if you want. It is at the bottom of the glass. You want?” I held the glass infront of Ammachi’s face and showed her the sugar layer at the bottom of the coffee glass
Chakki was laughing
“Why are you laughing Chakki? If you laugh without any reason, you will get free food at oolan para (mental hospital).” Ammachi spoke
Chakki was still laughing.”Ammachi give me some money, I will go to the shop and buy some green gram. Kochumaharani likes greengram thoran.
“Hmm” Ammachi grunted. She got up to go to her room and I followed her. Nothing in the house has changed since I left 6 years ago. Ammachi still used the same faded blue bed sheet. Her table still had the “snow” bottle that I finished years ago.
“You still haven’t thrown this bottle away?” I took the bottle and asked her
“Well, how to? I never even got a chance to use it. My grand daughter used it like lotion on her body and finished it in one day. I am keeping it, so when she has children, I want them to see, how naughty their mother was.”
“oh pinney they are not going to believe you. By then you will have no teeth” and I imitated, how Ammachi would talk without any teeth.
“I will get dentures”
“I will hide your dentures”
“You still haven’t forgotten how to talk and win eh?” Ammachi asked me
“How to? I am your grand daughter, alley?” I asked her
“No doubt about that”. I watched Ammachi opening the drawer and taking the money out of her account book” That is when I noticed the bundle of unopened letters. I could see the hand writing. It is my father’s.
“Still mad at Methran Thambi’s son?” I asked her
“May be” She shut the drawer.
“Go and give the money to Chakki” She gave the money to me