Possible?

I couldn’t wait for my older sister to go to the University. By then I had waited close to 10 years to have my own room. I resented each time she came home for holidays, because I then had to vacate the room and give it to her ( and she changed everything in the room)and again had to wait  for her to leave to get the room and make it mine.

I haven’t seen my youngest sister for more than 10 years. She does come to Brisbane often for work..but we don’t see each other..
Not seeing a sibling isn’t something I am proud of..but the journey to this point was entirely controlled by my mother. She turned each of us against the other..
Now that we are older and supposedly wiser, it should have been easier to work together and keep our past behind..but it isn’t. The damage my mother inflicted on the 4 of us are too much and the best way to keep peace is to pretend that the other person doesn’t exist.

I grew up in my sister’s shadow. Every little achievement my sister had was really  worth in my mother’s eyes and every little achievement of mine was compared to my sister’s and if it was better than my sister’s, then my mother looked for reasons why I did better, so as not to hurt my sister’s feelings..( I got more marks than my sister for 10th and my mother said it was because the evaluation system was more lenient during my time..otherwise how could it be possible that during my sister’s time the first rank was near the 450 marks and during my time it was near the 550 marks! Therefor my sister scored better marks than me)
It was the same for my younger sisters..None of us were ever as good as my oldest sister..

Living in a horror house of mental and emotional abuse, each of us did whatever it took to survive..and the anger, hatred and resentment still continues..

I used to envy my classmates when they talk about their siblings..I couldn’t relate to mine the same way..
When I had my kids, I was determined to raise them well..and I was always weary of turning out to be like my mother..because at the end.. I know what damage my mother caused.. still continue to cause.

When Yaya left for Spain, my son gave her 100$ and told her to buy something for herself..
Baby made a card and gave her sister 20$
Yaya’s flight was at 3AM and both my son and baby insisted that they want to come to the airport with me to see Yaya off even though they had school the next day.

 It is possible to raise children without making them hate their siblings..

4 thoughts on “Possible?

  1. I feel turning kids against each other is one of the worst things a parent can do. I have seen this happening to someone close to me, and the parent did it just to save his face. Once it happens, picking up pieces is not easy because it is very difficult to regain trust once it is lost.

    That said, it is a blessing to have siblings who care. Glad that your kids are blessed that way.

  2. Siblings loving each other is a norm, not otherwise. I grew up in a household where my mother always gave more importance to boys than girls. My life was absloutely misrable partly because I am a girl and partly due to relationship between my parents. Now I have come to realise that she is a bully, and basically any thing and any one does not thing in the her way, her wrath. I am miles away from them but the abuse she inflicted on my delicate mind as a child, still deal with every day.
    However me and my siblings are very close and would do any thing for each other. We all learned to stick to each other and never go on the route our parents went. I think and do just opposite from her everyday. I try to stay away from her as much as possible, as it messes up my head so bad.

    Thanks for sharing your story, as no one believes that this is even possible.

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