Have you ever felt that you belong somewhere?
I have lived in so many places..
I stuck out like a sore thumb in UK..no doubt there were so many Indians.. even Malayalees where I stayed.. But I was different from all of them. I look different. I dress differently. My priorities were different. I hated having visitors over, especially Malayalees..( You know, the snoopy, gossipy kind) and the only way you belonged is by going for visits and encouraging visits to your home.
It was the same in Canada. I love Canada, but I never felt I belonged there. I lived in a large Indo Candian suburb and again I was so totally out of place. I attempted going to the Mallu church..not because of belief..but because I just wanted to be a part of something..it was not easy. I didn’t have any sarees or Salwars..and the look those devotees give you..because I wore a long skirt to church..and my kids didn’t speak Malayalam.. I was branded “Ash poosh” and there was a collective decision to avoid me, unless I bucked up and changed!( which was not going to happen and the second week, one faithful devotee and the Achan were practicing kungfu and effectively ended my need to belong!!)
I don’t join any Malayalee association..It is a place you join, if you want to show others that you have the latest TV/car etc..or your child can sing or dance the latest song..I refuse to use my children as an extension of my ego. I can’t stand the ego trip of the committee members either..So I stay miles away..
But in Malaysia, be it in west Malaysia or east, you always belong. It doesn’t matter if you are thin or fat, if you wear saree or shorts, if your hair is purple or green.. you never feel out of place. I have cousins who are Chindians ( Chinese and Indian), Sino Kadazan Indians ( Chinese,Kadazan and Indian parentage).. And during Deepavali, you can see this totally Chinese looking girl wearing salwars and speaking fluent Hokkien and Tamil..and no one gives a second look. They are all part of the cultural fabric that makes Malaysia truly what it is..a multi cultural society..
So the second day of my stay in KK, I took the kids to Devi’s cafe in lorong Api Api, ( next door to Promenade Apts). We had one dosai, three roti canai, three ice milo and one teh tarikh. The old lady charged me RM 61..and I paid..
It took me a little while to do the maths..( I was tired, the heat was killing me) I realized the previous day.. 7 of us ate almost similar food for 64 RM..
I called one of my friends and told him what happened.He said, the old lady who owns the shop is well known for ripping off the tourists..
Tourists? Me?
I am a Sabahan. I speak fluent Malay and Tamil ( and passable Kadazan)
How in the world I could be considered for being a tourist?
The anger I felt..mostly because she is a west Malaysian.. and she had the temerity to fleece me..in my own state.( not that her act in West Malaysia will be justified..but she is a visitor to sabah and she is over charging me, a Sabahan..)
I went back to the restaurant..gave a her a piece of my mind..she acted all innocent.. and when I told her that I intend to lodge a complaint..she gave me back the money she over charged..
But I am still upset.. not because I was fleeced by my own kind.. but because my own sense of belonging is a bit shaken..
Just saw this…
Is that mallu church you went really judge you for what you wear and whether your kids speak malayalam? Really? I don’t think all malayalee kids in Canada speak mallu anyway or they don’t seem to speak if they even know. Idk because I have gone to mallu churches, even malayalam masses in my area and I just dress casual and speak English, as do many of others and none of the priests or members tsked tsked us and we got along well. I admit I got lucky in that sense.
But I agree with you on ego. What the eff is with all this ego? I find this common with malayalees and nursing school/high school students the most. You can see that ridiculous ‘rat race’ and superiority complex seen in the malayalee associations that competes who is better and what forth..and then gossip and backstab those who are not at the same level. One time on FB a distant friend in IL wrote about culture and stuff and how many people, especially the younger generations stop going to these so called associations because when you look at it closely, it’s not what it is meant to be. Yea it overrides its purpose to encourage exploring cultural traditions with stomping on people and acting like some godly dick who won some kind of entitlement because they got the best car, dresses, kids can sing Malayalam songs and then right into others’ faces make insulting remarks. If that’s malayalee culture then I’d rather not be part of it.
Your sense of belonging is where you are and where you want to belong. If you feel Malay is more like home, then let it be :). I would consider US my home, but know I would be welcomed anywhere except Kerala since they don’t welcome anyone who is not of their kind, even malayalees who don’t come in pure form, which is basically everyone outside Kerala since their horizons become expanded and they become more open from a broader perspective (unless they don’t assimilate and mingle with different people except their own which there are plenty off too and you pointed that out. I find mallus in Kerala dislike this hence they still believe in outcasting people if they don’t meet certain criteria ! Not that I care anyway since I can pretty much go anywhere still and many Keralans, and some other Indians still don’t think that times have CHANGED and refuse to acknowledge it.)I also don’t like to be around those kind of people who think they are entitled to ‘everything’ and treat you as a effing embicile, rather than welcoming you and letting you be you. Probably why the youngsters stop going once they reach a certain age (all my cousins and their friends stopped going to these malayalee associations after being put in that situation since they were little kids). My family don’t really go that much..thank god, otherwise it’ll be worse for me as my family will be ranting and push that I become ‘better’ then the others and then all the guilt trip, stupid talk starts One incident happened today where my mom ranted how my cousin always calls her parents in India and she shows affection and my brother and I don’t because because we grew up in America??? Hello her parents live in India and I’m living with my mom for the moment and used to call home every week when I was away ! Such bullshit, and then I need to start watching malayalee channels so I can learn to be a proper malayalee girl. (wtf is that?). She complains that I avoid her except when cooking together and the reason is because she has never anything good to say and only negatives and is too effing sensitive to other peoples’ remarks and thinks Kerala is the best place where nothing goes wrong. I’m annoyed and irritated by such narrowminded and foolish talk by someone who is completely blinded by the reality of things.
Rant over. But since Malaysia is a multicultural society where people treat each other with respect, then I would love to go there since I have a Tamil friend there. Any society that welcomes everyone regardless of who they are is a good society.
J1289: there are no society that welcomes everyone..it is not possible, because we humans are inherently racist..