Most children when they are growing up, promise themselves that they are going to be a better mother than their own mother had been.
I certainly promised myself.
I do try my level best to be a good mother.
But there is a part of me that is probably stuck between the the line that divides a malayalee and non malayalee mothering, I stand there totally clueless.
I have been often told that I live in a different world.
It is true.
I left Kerala in 1988. I left India in 1994. Sometimes when I go to Brickfields ( KL, Malaysia), I would buy Vanitha magazine. That was my only link to Kerala and trust me, I never understood half of what is written in that magazine. Of course I could read it, but if there was an article about a politician, I couldn’t relate to it. When I left Kerala, I knew Karunakaran, E K Naynar and Gauri Amma.
I loved finding all the bondatharam written in the magazine. One block wrote about his travelling experiences.. He travelled on a highway from KL to Jakarta..It probably will happen, but not in the next 50 years. Then there was an article about how to travel in a dignified manner..As a woman, it will look better if you use both your feet simultaneously to enter the auto..( randu kalum vechu chadi autoyil keruka!!)
Ok I went off track
What I was trying to say here is that I probably am a Mslayalee in only some aspects..My comfort food has always been kanji and payar . I celebrate onam. I own a Kerala saree..Now I even have 2 settum mundum..one with green border and one with golden border. And during Christmas time, I miss not having a Christmas star and I miss the carollers.
On Friday, Yaya came from school and while we were having our tea she said
“Mom, guess what?”
( there are few sentences that gets me worked up, guess what? you know what? and a simple mom that followed by a long silence!)
I braced myself for what is coming.
“Mom, two kids in my class were making out during lunch time” she continued.
I cringed.
I didn’t know what to say.
What would I say?
I wish I could just holler like my malayalee mother did, scream at her, yell at her and tell her
mottennu virinjilla avaludey making out
But you and I know what result it would bring about!
I took a deep breath, made sure my voice was still mine ( ie I didn’t sound like someone was strangling me) and asked her
“Don’t you think that was inappropriate? I mean, there is a time and place for everything?”
She looked at me and replied
“Totally mom. I agree with you”
She then talked about her home work and what she learned that day and I am left wondering what next.. so my child knows there is a time and place for everything and what I don’t know when that is and how am I going to cope..
Daughters of Tomorrow
Umm…where does the Malayalee bit come in? I think 'any Mom' would be wary of her child getting into physical relationships at a young age. Leaving aside the rubbish Hollywood tries to sell.
But I think, from the little I have read, that Yaya is a pretty level-headed girl. Though, to be honest, at least she came and told you this incident.
[But I do find the prejudice and stereotyping of the West and East bizarre. Child marriages are still rampant in parts of India. It was there, not too long ago in India/Kerala. We still marry cousins, uncles(eewww). Bad practices are there in every society. I would be more worried about raising my child in India than out of it. They are making out in Australia. But in India, a child that age will be a possible victim of molestation at every corner. Easily a comment that will flare tempers. But not everyone has the luxury of going everywhere with a parent or in cars and autos.]
-kajan
Kajam: the malayalee bit is the one that wants to scream and say “muttennu virinjilla”.. because it is really scary..kids are already making out at 12..I am worried about teenage pregnancies..STD..sexual exploitations..etc..
I don't think living in the west is the problem..it is me who is the problem..because I am stuck with certain values that are irrelevant to this day and age..
Yaya is surely a level headed child..ela vannu mullel veenalum..mullu vannu elel veenalum..kedu elakku thanney..