By the time I came back to the campus I was exhausted. There was too much on my mind and I was really worked up.
I haven’t bought any text books yet!
I haven’t studied a thing for the internals.
I hate Arjun and I hated knowing that Arjun is mad at me.

I haven’t bought the text books at the beginning of the semester because I was worried that there might be a new edition coming out by mid year and now three weeks before exams I was angry with myself for my own stupidity. Robbins ( patho text book) was a huge book and how was I going to read half of that book in such a short time?
I started to walk fast. I really need to start studying. There was no time to waste. Tomorrow I will buy the text books. Tonight I will borrow the books from seniors.
I planned the things I should do.
I will go to the mess and have an early dinner, then have a quick shower. I could hear Ammachi telling
Kazhichechu kulikkunnavaney kandal kulikkanam! ( don’t shower right after your meal)
Too bad, I told myself. I don’t have time to follow all these silly rules.
But I was still feeling sad for breaking the old taboos.
What will happen if you take your shower after a meal? You are not going to have a Heart attack if you did that. I chided myself.
The lights outside the canteen was turned off.
Princy must be in the campus.
It was a warning sign for lovers who wanted to spend some quality time with each other that princy is in the campus. Not that the canteen operator was working in cahoots with the students. Princy decreed that the veranda lights must be turned off after 7 pm. His reason was to save electricity. But everyone knew it was to discourage students from sitting outside and chatting. What the Princy didn’t know was that the canteen operator only followed the rules when Princy stays back in the campus, which incidentally worked well for couples!
I smiled thinking about how stupid adults really are. They create all these stupid rules and we the youngsters knew how to work around those stupid rules.
Then I noticed someone getting up from the canteen veranda and walking towards me. I couldn’t see who it was because it was still dark outside though there was a light inside the canteen.

Twilight is an odd time in the campus. Most of the girls would have already gone back to the hostel., leaving behind the hard core smokers ( guys) in the canteen. Most of the guys don’t want to miss the dinner at the mess, which would be a sure thing if you are 10 minutes late for dinner.
It is not that the campus is unsafe, it just makes you feel a bit uneasy walking in a deserted campus.
There really ought to be more lights in the campus. I thought to myself.
From the gait, I knew the person walking towards me was not Arjun.
My heart started to pound.
I knew there was no need to panic. Anyone in the canteen can hear me if I scream. But still my heart was beating fast.
Flight or flee.. The adrenaline cruising down my circulating systems wanted to know what I was going to chose. The sensible part of me knew for sure that I was over reacting.
“Hi Nina” The person spoke.
“Ramesh you scared me” I hissed
“What did I do?” He asked innocently.
I wasn’t sure what exactly he did for me to be so angry with him.
“What are you doing here?” I asked the next dumb question.
“Waiting for you”
Waiting for me? Huh?
“Why?”
“You wanted the notes No?”
“You mean, you were waiting for me, so you could give me the notes” I know I sounded very much like an idiot.
“yeah” Ramesh spoke. He looked at me as though it was the most innocent thing to do.
“You could have given it tomorrow”
Ramesh shrugged his shoulder.
“Now you missed your dinner at the mess, No?” I asked him
“Yeah”
I felt guilty. He missed his dinner because he was waiting for me. He didn’t have to, but he did.
“Listen, I feel like eating some dosai. Do you want to join?” I asked him.
I hoped he would say No for two reasons.
One, I only asked as a matter of courtesy. I wanted him to say No, so at least I would feel happy that I offered to buy dinner and if he declined and later if he is hungry that is his problem, not mine. Not guilty by association.
Second.Princy was in the campus and he would jump in to conclusion if he finds a girl and a boy sitting down at the same table and eating. he even sees the baby in the middle!
I had already got in to trouble for bunking the class. I didn’t want any more trouble.
“No more Dosai. Sold out. Do you want to have some tea?” Ramesh spoke.
How can I say No and then grab the notes from his hand and go back to my room?
Why do I do this to myself? ( Digging my own hole)
“Sure” I answered. ( you made the bed, now lay on it kind of logic)
“So what cases did you see today?”
I told him about the new cases.
we ordered two tea. I chose to sit by the side of the door hoping that if Princy comes for a spot check and stand by the door, he wouldn’t see me.
“Do you know anything about the four stages of grief?” I asked him
“No, what is it?” Ramesh asked
“I don’t know. If I knew I wouldn’t ask you, right?” I snapped.
“Are you always like this?”
“like what?”
“Do you always get angry when you don’t know something?”
“What?” What in the world was this guy talking?
“Do you always get angry when you don’t know something?” Ramesh repeated his question S L O W L Y.
“I don’t get angry when I don’t know something” How dare he accuse me of something like that?I was ready for the fight.
Ramesh was looking at me and I noticed a kind of tiny smile on his face. Not like the mocking smile Arjun always had on his face.
He kind of had an amused look on his face.
.Not something I was expecting. How do you argue with someone who was not fighting with you instead looking at you with amusement?
“Really! I don’t get angry because I don’t know something” My voice sounded so calm.
I still wanted the last word.
“Sure” he spoke
“What sure?” I was a bit confused with his reply.
“Sure, you could have the last word” He spoke.
I looked at him to see how in the world was he reading my mind. He was busy drinking the tea and I was completely lost. I absolutely had no idea what was going on.

When I sat down to study in the night, I noticed Ramesh had highlighted all the important facts in the notes he photocopied for me. He didn’t take money from me for the photostats. He even missed his dinner, so he could give the notes to me.
But more than all that I was terrified because he knew more things about me.
He knew my faults. Now that was scary.