There were 2 beds in my sisters room. Sally’s bed was not made, her blanket was on the floor and the pillow was by the side of the bed. Liza’s bed had a bedspread on it. Cream colour bedspread with rose flower motifs. Amma stitched that bedspread when she was expecting Maria. It is a family heirloom, not meant for daily use, it is only used for display, when we have visitors.
May be I am imagining. May be Liza might have chuchumully(peed) on the bed and Amma didn’t have a spare bed sheet and used the bedspread temporarily. I walked to Amma’s bedroom and checked the Godrej cupboard. Liza’s white shirt, blue T shirt and her pink dress was still in the cupboard. I was so relieved to find Liza’s dresses in the cupboard.
I am stupid, plain stupid.I shouldn’t jump in to conclusions like that, I thought. My sister is very much home. She hasn’t gone anywhere. I was just about to close the cupboard door when I noticed Amma’s sarees.
Wow, Amma was busy shopping. There were three new silk sarees in her cupboard. I took the sarees out , one was a black and yellow pochampally print, the other was a typical Mysore silk saree with blue flower print and the third one was a plain red silk saree with golden Zari. I liked the red saree with the zari border. I planned to take it with me when I go back to the hostel.
When I put the sarees back in the cupboard, my hand touched something hard. What is Amma hiding behind the sarees? I removed all the sarees quickly to check. Right at the back of the cupboard, there was a 2 feet long odd shaped timber piece! Why is my mother keeping firewood in the cupboard? She is harvesting termites?
I heard someone opening the main door. Quickly I tried to put all the sarees back in the cupboard. I hoped it isn’t Amma who just opened the main door. I didn’t want to start my two weeks of well earned break/vacation with a fight.
“Nina, are you home?” I heard Sally shouting
I was just so relieved to learn that it was my sister who came home and not my mother.
“Yes, I am in Amma’s bedroom”
“Hey what are you doing with Amma’s sarees?”Sally was standing near the door and looking at me
“Looking at Amma’s sarees! I was looking to see which are the sarees I should take with me when I go back to Bangalore!.”
“Oh! how is life in the medical college?”
“Boring! I missed you!”
As I put the sarees back, I touched the timber piece again. “Sally, why is Amma keeping firewood in the cupboard?”
“Firewood? What firewood?”
“Seriously, see this one, why is she keeping it inside the cupboard?” I moved the sarees and showed the evidence to my baby sister.
“Oh my goodness, Nina that isn’t a firewood. That is Sandal wood”
“What?” I took the timber piece out and sniffed it.”It doesn’t smell like sandal wood. It doesn’t smell like anything. Actually it doesn’t have any smell”
“Kazuthey (my darling)You need to scrape the surface to get the smell! Do you know how much that piece of wood costs?” Sally asked
“No” I shook my head
“About 1500 Rs!”
“What?1500 Rs? Our conjused(stingy) mother spend 1500 Rs to buy this piece of wood?”
“Where got? You think Amma will spend money. That is a gift from Veerappan” “Veerappan? Which Veerappan?” I don’t have any family members with that name. I tried to think of the names of all Amma’s colleagues.
“The world famous sandal wood smuggler Veerappan. The man, both Karanataka and Tamil Nadu govt has been trying to capture all these years!”
I looked at my baby sister. Why is she pulling my leg? Why would Veerappan give a gift to my mother? I was sure my sister is bluffing
“Get lost Sally. You are just teasing me. Tell me, from where did Amma get this?”
“I am serious Nina, It is from Veerappan.”
“Yeah right. He only gave sandal wood? He should be giving ivory too! Next time when you see him ask for ivory. Ok?”
“Nina I am serious. Every time Veerappan needs a favour from the powerful people in Karnataka, he sends gifts of sandal wood. Acha got this last month when we were in Bangalore and he gave it to Amma”
“You were in Bangalore? When? Why didn’t you visit me?”
“We went to drop Liza to her school”
“What? Which School?”
“Valley View school in Chikmagalur. You didn’t know?”
“How will I know if nobody tells me?” I was so mad. Nobody even bothered to tell me that my sister is studying in Chikmagalur. Then I remembered, oh my goodness, that idiot(aka my uncle) and his family lives in Chikmagalur. My mother send my sister to study in a place close to where that idiot stays? Is she selling my sister too?
“Is Liza’s school close to ‘his’ house?” I asked Sally
“Who? Acha’s?”
I nodded my head.
If it is, I am going to Chickmagalur today and bring my sister home. I will raise her myself. I will not let my mother harm my sister.
“No they moved to Bangalore 2 years ago. His daughter is doing medicine in Bangalore, so they decided to move to Bangalore, so she doesn’t have to stay in the hostel”
I was just so relieved to hear that.
“He has a daughter doing medicine? Which college?”
“You didn’t know?” Sally looked stunned
It seems, there were lots of things I didn’t know.
“Which college Sally?”
“KIMS”
“You mean Kempegowda?”
Sally nodded her head.
“Sally why did Amma send Liza to study in Chikmagalur?”
“Don’t know. She says Liza is becoming too difficult to handle, so Amma and Acha decided it is better that Liza stays in a hostel”
“But she is the 9th Std, next year she has to write the public exam. How is she going to write the language paper in Kannada? Do you know how hard it is to study Kannada?”
“I know”
“What do you know” I screamed at her
“Why are you screaming at me Nina? What can I do? Will anyone listen to me?”
“I am sorry Sally. I didn’t want to scream at you. It is just that, I am so mad at Amma. First she destroyed Chechy’s life, then she destroyed mine, now she is destroying Liza’s. Why is she doing this?”
“I don’t know Nina”
“Did she speak to Chechy?”
“Yeah, she came with us to Chikmagalur”
“Oh! so she also agreed. Stupid woman”
“Chechy cut her hair”
“Again?”
“Now she has fringes, pencil thin eye brows and red rouge on her cheeks and silver eye shadows. All in all she looks like the mentally deranged version of a prostitute”
I looked at my sister. Where did she know all these words. Prostitute? Aren’t children supposed to be innocent? Is she learning all these words at her school?
“Sally you shouldn’t be using such words”
“Why? Because truth hurts?”
I wasn’t sure, if it is the truth that my family is all screwed up or that I am just not able to fix anything hurt the most. I put the sandal wood and the sarees back in the cupboard. I felt disgusted when I realized that I was holding the wretched sarees and even thought of borrowing them. I realized those sarees weren’t bought from Seemati, Kottayam using Amma’s money, those sarees were paid by tears of someone. I just hoped it isn’t Liza’s. I would never forgive my mother if she as much as tried to hurt my little sisters.
“Oh my goodness, I forgot. I was supposed to buy palm oil from the ration shop after school. I will go quickly and buy it before Amma comes back”
“Wait Sally, eat something, you just came back from school. You will be hungry”
“Have you seen the queue at the ration shop?”
I shook my head. I never had the misfortune to stand in a ration shop queue.
“I am already late. I am sure by now the queue is a mile long. I will come home soon”
I watched Liza opening her school bag and taking the plastic bottle out. My sister takes a plastic bottle to buy oil all the way to her school? What is wrong with my mother? Why do we need to buy palm oil from the ration shop? We aren’t that poor. Why is my mother forever trying to save money by making us, her children struggle like this?
“Sally, At least drink some milk before you go”
“There is no milk Nina”
“Why?” I was getting frustrated
“Because, now that Liza is not home, Amma only buys half a liter of milk and she makes coffee for herself and Nutramul for me with that. So there is no milk left”
I watched my sister rushing out. I thought of going with her. But public places in Kerala are best avoided if you in your teens and a female, because if you don’t, you are just making yourself as easy target for the macho malayalee men, who is waiting for a chance to exhibit their machismo. I didn’t want to go through hours of whistling and cat calls.
I went to the kitchen. There was no food on the kitchen counter. I opened the fridge. There was a huge steel container in the lower rack. I didn’t have to open it to find what is inside. I could smell the fermented dosai batter the moment I opened the fridge. I took it out and threw the batter down the sink. There was three snall saucers with remnants of mango and lime pickle. My sister must have taken extra pickle and didn’t eat it and Amma didn’t want to waste it, so she saved it and kept in the fridge. Small tiny pieces of pickle! I threw that away. There was rice, that looked slimy, two halves of a coconut, one was partially scrapped and the other was unused, but both were red in colour( a sign that, it is no longer edible). I threw the rice and the coconut in to the rubbish bin. I opened the freezer. I couldn’t really identify anything in that freezer. It was all covered with a thick layer of frost. There was only one thing to do. I switched off the fridge to let it defrost.
I was wiping the metal racks inside the fridge when I heard someone opening the door. Sally must have come home, I thought.
I heard footsteps and turned to look
“What are you doing?”Amma asked
“Cleaning the fridge Amma”
I was just so happy to see Amma. I haven’t seen her for more than 6 months. That is half a year. I wanted to hug her, so I got up, quickly washed my hands and wiped it dry on my dress and turned to look at Amma. She wasn’t there. She had already gone to her room.
My mother didn’t even bother to ask me, how have I been? How was my exams? Nothing at all. I mean nothing to my mother. Absolutely nothing.