lies

Liza and Sally ran to hug Appa. I couldn’t move. I just couldn’t run to him. All that went through my head was ‘you were never there, when I needed you the most’.
“Children, wait, I will get the bags from the cab” I heard Appa speaking
“Can one of you go and get the candles” I heard Amma yelling
“I will get it Amma” Maria spoke.
The moment Appa was out of the door, Amma hissed
“Don’t say a word about Acha. Don’t tell Appa that Chechy is working in Bangalore. Just say that, she is looking for a job. Do you understand?” Amma was hissing.
“Why Amma?” I asked
I am pretty sure, if it wasn’t for the fact that Appa was just a few feet away, Amma would have slapped me.
Amma didn’t reply and I watched Appa carrying a very heavy suitcase inside
“What did you get for us Appa?” Liza was shouting as soon as she saw Appa carrying the bags inside.
Maria brought the lighted candle and I looked at my father. He has lost most of the hair on his head and what little strands of hair that withstood the assault of old age was now grey. It was unbelievable. The once strong, healthy and handsome man that I knew as my father is now a frail old man. Appa sat on the couch and Liza and sally were fighting, as to who gets to sit on his lap.
“I want to sit on Appa’s lap” Sally started to cry
“I want to sit” Liza was crying
“You both can sit” Appa spoke and I watched my sisters sitting on either side of my father’s lap, the lap, that I always claimed as my own.
“Where is Nina?” Appa asked and I watched his eyes scanning the room and he saw me
“Why are you standing there Nina? You haven’t even given me a hug”
I didn’t understand what got in to me. As a child, I was always the first to run to Appa and hug him and as a teenager, about to become a Dr, I couldn’t even think of giving my father a hug. Somewhere along the line as I grew up, so did the distance between my father and I.
“Come here Nina” My father called me
I walked slowly to where he was standing. I looked at my father’s eyes. The greyish brown eyes looked sad. May be he knew, he lost everything that was important to him. I wanted to tell him
‘ you did this. You are the one who walked away. Did you even care to find out, if we were alive? Did you know I scored more marks than Maria for SSLC? Did you know anything about me?’
“My god, you have changed so much Nina. You look so different now” Appa spoke
“hmm” I mumbled and thought ‘ofcourse I look different. The last time you saw me was 6 years ago, I am 17 now’
Appa must have been hurt, suddenly I heard him asking
“Why is there no electricity? Have you checked the fuse?”
“Not yet” I heard Amma speaking. I watched her giving Appa a cup of coffee.
“Liza and Sally get down. Let Appa drink his coffee” Amma spoke.
“Oh Appa, can we sit on your lap a little while longer” Sally pleaded
“Come on children, Appa must be tired. Let him drink his coffee peacefully”
‘ Children? Amma called us children,instead of her usual ‘chekuthante santhathikal‘(devil’s own kids!). I was surprised to see that my mother actually knew how to speak nicely instead of yelling and calling names.

Appa took a sip and asked “chaya? Kappi? chappi?”(coffee, tea or coffee+tea)
‘Shut up you silly old man. Nobody is laughing at your silly jokes’ I thought of telling Appa.
Amma shrugged her shoulder and walked off.
“I think I will check the fuse” Appa kept the coffee cup on the table and got up.
“Where is the torch?” Appa asked
“It is not working, here, use the candle” Amma spoke
“Why is the torch not working?”
“Because the battery is flat”
“Why haven’t you bought new battery?”
“because I didn’t have time”
I knew that is a lie. Amma didn’t buy new battery, because she didn’t want to waste money. She was always complaining that Appa bought a humongous torch that uses a humongous size battery, instead of a penlight, that uses a tiny cheap battery.
I watched Appa taking the candle from Amma’s hand and opening the door and going out to check the fuse box.
“Good that the electricity went offf just before your father came home, now he will know how hard it is to raise 4 girls all by myself” Amma spoke.
Fixing a blown fuse is not a major job. When Maria was home, she fixed it, when she was away, I fixed it. I looked at her mother and wondered why does she have to act like a victim every time.
“Can somebody come and hold the candle?” I heard Appa calling
“You go” Maria spoke looking at me
“Why don’t you go?” I asked her
“Nina, go and help your father” Amma ordered
“Why don’t you help your husband?”
“Can somebody come and hold the candle?” Appa raised his voice.
Amma gave me that look that said, ‘wait till your father leaves, I will teach you a lesson’ and I looked at her with the look that said’by then I will be in the medical college hostel’

By dinner time Appa was updated with the major events of the past 6 years. There were lot more lies than truth. I remembered reading about the watch that beeps whenever someone lied and I looked at my father’s wrist, just to ensure that, he had no such watch.
Appa was thrilled to know that I got admission to do medicine and that Maria was waiting to see if she would get admission to do master’s degree in an American University. I learned that Appa was posted to middle east, he is now the senior most person in charge of the middle east office.
After dinner all of went to the living room and Appa noticed the dancing dolls toys Acha bought for Liza and Sally from a shop on the way to Mysore
“Where did you get this?” Appa asked
Both my sisters were stammering and looking at each other.
“My best friend gave me that as a gift” I spoke
“Oh yeah, her friend Raji gave her last year” Liza spoke nervously
‘Shut up’ I stared at my sister. It was way too obvious that she was trying to cover up something.
“cute toy” Appa spoke
I sighed a sigh of relief, when I saw Appa putting the toy back on the shelf. I hated myself for telling lies, but between the devil that I know is my father and the nasty ocean that I know is my mother, I really didn’t have much choices.

8 thoughts on “lies

  1. Techno: Thank you

    Thanu: It is awful, when you have to lie to save your mother

    Madhavankutty: Why does parents do that to their children? Why do they treat their children like dirt?

    Maya: I never understood my father or my mother or my sisters.. My idea of a family is one that stcik together in good times and in bad times.. Somehow…my family never understood that concept

    Sujit: There was no other way and I wish my mother understood the way she manipulated us was wrong

    Alex: Was he? or was he like the srinivas n chinthavishitayaya seetha?

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