It was raining heavy and I didn’t want to get up. Perhaps I was looking for an excuse to stay on within the familiarity of whatever that I have, though I knew, today is the day that I have been waiting all my life.
“Nina, will you write to me?” I looked up to see my baby sister leaning on my bedroom door.
“Come here” I called her.
I watched my baby sister walking towards me, the same little sister whom I met first time at the hospital. I remember being picked up from my school by our driver, who told me that I have a brand new baby sister. I didn’t even know then that my mother was expecting. I remember going to Maria’s school and her asking the driver
“is it a boy or girl?”
“Girl” replied the driver
“Drop me home” Maria ordered
“Don’t you want to see the baby?” Driver asked Maria
“No. I don’t want a sister. I want a brother”
I wanted to see the baby. So after dropping Maria home, the driver took me to the hospital.I remember running up the hospital steps with the driver close in pursuit screaming, “Nina, don’t run, you will fall”.
When I entered the private room, My mother was laying down in the bed and crying
“why Lord, why didn’t you give me a son? Have I not prayed everyday for the last 9 months?”
Next to her in a baby cot was a tiny cute baby. I remember touching the baby’s soft cheeks. The nurses wrapped the baby is white blanket and I saw my sister’s right hand sticking out. I placed my finger in her fist. Somehow I didn’t feel sad that it is a baby girl. I was happy that I had good news to share with my friends at school. I was going to give candies to all my friends.
“What are you going to name her Amma?” I asked
My mother didn’t respond. She was staring at the ceiling. I looked around the room. There was no sign of my father or the driver. I felt all alone, but the baby was still holding my fingers tightly in her fist and I knew, whatever happend the baby will always have me. I am her big sister and even if Maria never wanted her, I am not going to leave her. I knew my baby sister will always have me and that I will protect her.

Sally sat on my bed and I looked at her eyes. There were tears just about to break free.
“Athey, you think I have nothing else to do than write to you?” I asked her and she looked at me stunned
“Aiyyah Sally, how can you even think that I will not write to you? You are my baby sister. If I don’t write to you, who else will I write to? I promise, I will write a letter to you every week”
“Promise Nina?”
“Promise”
“Not toothpaste promise?”
“Not toothpaste promise. Real,100% genuine promise”
“Can I lay down with you?”
“hmm” I moved to the side, so Sally could lay down next to me. I turned to my side and held my sister close to me.
“Are you scared Nina?”
“Scared? Me? Don’t you know I am Methran Thambi’s grand daughter? Fear is not my middle name!”
“You are scared!”
“hmm” I felt like a little mouse
“Don’t worry, everything will be fine Nina”
“Ofcourse” I didn’t believe it. I didn’t know how anything can be fine, when I am going to live in a medical college hostel, 17 hours train ride from my home, when I can’t even speak a single sentence in english. Worst of all I am entering ‘his’ territory.
“Children, come and eat your breakfast” I heard Amma calling
“Get up, let us go and eat before Amma starts her complaint sessions” I pushed Sally off my bed
“You didn’t brush your teeth Nina”
“Shhh.” I placed my finger on my lips. “Don’t you know, Even the mighty elephant don’t brush it’s teeth, so why do I have to, when I am just a mortal human being?”
Sally was shaking her head.
“Sally Stop!. Don’t shake your head, your brain will fall off”
I was expecting her to speak something really witty in response, but what she did was unbelievable. I watched my sister placing her fingers behind her ears and sticking her tongue at me. All of a sudden I felt, she is becoming me ‘the Nina’, and I didn’t know what I was becoming.

The rest of the morning went as though it was just like any other day. Amma was busy doing laundry, Appa was sitting on the easy chair and reading the news paper. Liza had gone for basket ball practice and I was alone in my room trying to figure out, how am I going to cope all by myself in Bangalore. I so very badly wanted someone to speak to me, so I can tell them what is bothering me. Unfortunately in a family with 3 adults, there wasn’t anyone I could talk to.
I knew, the only person that I could talk to, is probably sitting on the veranda, hoping against hope that I would come for a visit before going to Bangalore.

I could hear a lot of din in the kitchen and I knew Amma must have finished doing the laudry and is now cooking lunch. Perhaps I will talk to her.
I walked in to the kitchen and I think Amma was waiting for me
“My back is breaking. When will I ever get some rest? I have 4 daughters. Everyone says I am lucky, because they think my daughters help me with the household chores. Will anyone believe, my daughters don’t even lift their little finger” I turned my head and looked outside. Appa was listening to Amma’s wailing.
I so very much wanted to ask Amma, why should I help her doing the laundry, when she is the one who insists on hand washing and manually rinsing the clothes, already washed by the washing machine?
“Do you want me to help you Amma?” I asked
“Help? What help? you are all good for nothing”
I wasn’t planning to beg Amma asking her what help she is expecting from me. If she thinks I am good for nothing, so be it. I walked back to my room, half expecting Appa to call me and yell at me. But that didn’t happen.

“Lunch is served” I heard Amma yelling. Just as I entered the dining room, I could smell the awful smell of fish head curry. My mother makes the worst fish head curry on planet earth and she knows, I don’t like it. Yet on the day I was leaving home, She made only fish head curry. She must love me so much!. I turned back and walked to my room.
“Nina, come and have your lunch” I heard Appa calling me
I knew I couldn’t tell him that I don’t want to eat fish head curry. We are supposed to eat what ever is on the table.
“Appa, my stomach is hurting”. I went and laid down on my bed, knowing very well that in 24 hours time, I will get food in the college hostel. Nobody will use food as a meassure to get even there.
Around 3 Pm, I got ready, pulled my suitcases to the living room. Made up my bed, put the clothes that I wore earlier in the laundry basket. I heard footsteps and I turned around to look
“Nina, I gave 1000Rs to your sister. She will pay all the fees for you. Open a bank account and send me the number. I will send money every month”
“Ok”.
Somehow, my father thinks his only responsibility in life is sending money. Does he even know what being a father is all about? I was sure my father had no idea.

“I will go and get autos” I heard Appa speaking. All of us waited near the main gate. I watched 2 autos turning in to our court yard
“Why did you call 2 autos? We only needed one” Amma scolded him. Appa turned around and I was worried that he would hit Amma infront of the auto drivers. I quickly ran to where he was standing and told him
“Leave it Appa. Let me leave this home peacefully. You owe me that much”
He pointed his finger to my mother and told me
“Tell your mother to shut up” I didn’t know what my mother’s problem was. why does she have to worry, if Appa called 2 autos or 3, when Appa is the one paying the auto.
Amma was about to reply and I pushed her away from Appa
“Please Amma. Keep quiet”
“Who are you tell me to keep quiet Nina? I have kept quiet all these years. I am not going to keep quiet anymore” I looked at the auto drivers. They were enjoying the comedy show. I looked at Maria, hoping she would help. She too was enjoying the show.
“Can we please go? I will miss my train”. I pleaded to my father
I watched Appa lifting my suitcase and throwing it inside the auto. ‘There goes my pickle bottle’, I thought. I watched him entering the auto and telling the driver
“Railway station”
He didn’t even bother to ask me to go with him
Auto driver started the auto and pushed off.
Maria Placed her suitcase inside the 2nd auto. She climbed inside. There was hardly any place to keep her legs.. Appa could have kept Maria’s suitcase in the other auto and all of us could have gone in one auto. But then again he wanted to teach my mother a lesson.
“Liza and Sally, you can go with Maria” Amma spoke
I watched my sisters climbing over the suitcase and trying to sit inside the auto. Without another word Amma started to walk. Only then I realized, I am the one who is leaving and I am still standing in our courtyard. I waited for the auto with my sisters inside to leave. I locked the gate and slowly started to walk towards the railway station. I could see my mother walking ahead of me. She couldn’t even wait for me.

At the station, Appa stood on one side of my suitcases, Amma stood on the other side and I wasn’t sure where I should stand. So I sat on the concrete bench. No one spoke a word. I heard the announcer announcing the arrival of the train that I knew will help me escape from this mad house.
I was so relieved when I saw the train engine. I got up from the bench, hugged my father, went to my mother, hugged her( she didn’t hug me. She pushed me away), I hugged Liza and I hugged Sally. I said good bye to all of them. I didn’t feel sad leaving home. I was just relieved.
I tried not to think of the chavittu nadakom that will start as soon as my parents reached back home. I tried not to think of how I will cope alone in Bangalore.
As the train started to move, as the train pulled me away fom everything that I knew was part of my home and my family, I stood near the door, looking at the images of my parents and my sisters that was becoming smaller and smaller..I knew I was all alone, but then again I knew, I was always all alone.