Most days I went through my SSLC question papers and tried to add my total marks. Although on the first day after the exams, I was confident of getting a first class, as the days went, so did my confidence. By beginning of May, I wasn’t even sure, I would pass the SSLC. I imagined seeing my photo in the newspaper with the headline, ‘Nina Thomas, the first student in the history of Kerala state school board, who succesfully failed all the 12 papers’. I imagined a long queue of parallel college principals, standing outside our main gate, hoping I would join their college. All this was my fault. I should have studied more. I shouldn’t have wasted my time day dreaming. I promised myself that, if I pass this exam, I will never waste my time. I will study properly.
I checked the newspaper every day to see, when the results would be announced. Finally, there was an article on May 25 th that my results will be out the next day. I knew, the moment has arrived. My life has ended even before I had a chance to live. My ambitions, my dreams and my hopes all gone. I knew I would fail the SSLC.
Amma took leave the next day. I heard her telling Maria
“I don’t want her to do anything stupid”. I knew what Amma meant. She was worried that I would commit suicide, when I get my marks card.
Amma decided to follow me to my school. As we were leaving Maria said
“Amma today can we cook egg biriyani? May be we should make motta roast(dry egg curry)”
“Maria. stop it” Amma ordered.
“Why Amma? What happend? I just asked what is the lunch menu”
Amma just shrugged her shoulder. I knew Maria was mocking me indirectly. She was saying that, I would be bringing motta (eggs=zero marks).
“Come on Nina, let us go” . Amma pulled my hand.
I hoped Maria would tell me good luck. 8 years ago, I wished her good luck when she went to get her results. Why does my sister hate me so much?
There was a long queue of students outside my school. I heard someone telling that my school didn’t get 100% pass. ‘Oh god, that would be because of me’. I wanted to cry. I prayed and prayed. I prayed to almost all the saints I knew. I even prayed to all the desciples, including Judas for help. As my name starts with N, I had to wait. I watched Betsy, the top student in my school getting her marks card and jumping up and down. She scored 535 marks. ‘Wow, how lucky she is’. I thought. if only I had half of her brain!
Finally it was my turn. Mrs Mathew called my name. I couldn’t walk. I hoped the earth would open and swallow me. Amma pushed me and said
“Go, get your marks card Nina”
As I reached the headmistress’s desk, Mrs Mathew got up from her chair.
‘Oh god, she is getting up to console me. I sure have failed’
She came to me and hugged me and told me
“I am proud of you Nina”
I thought, proud of me? God, how do you feel proud, when I have failed and our school didn’t get 100% pass?
“Nina, you scored the second highest marks in this school. Congratulations”
I didn’t understand what she just said. I took my marks card from her hand. I checked the marks. I got 529 marks out of 600. I didnt beleive what I saw. May be someone made a mistake. I turned the book over to check the name on the front page. It was Nina Thomas. I looked at my mother. She too was looking stunned. All the teachers came to congratulate me. I was floating in the air. I just couldn’t believe it. I did it. I scored 90 marks more than my super intelligent sister.
Amma hugged me. There were tears in her eyes. I knew she was proud of me. I was happy.
On the way back home, every other person, I knew stopped us and asked about my results. I could see the disbelief on their face. The girl, who spoke only tamil and malay, 5 years ago, managed to get distinction in all the subjects. It was unbelievable.
Maria was waiting for us. As soon as she saw us she asked
“So how many mottas(eggs=zero marks) did you get?”
“I got 90 marks more than you” I couldn’t wait to boast.
“No way. Show me your marks card” Maria snatched the marks card from my hand. She checked my result again. What she said, I will never forget
“Yeah, the evaluation has changed over the years. When I was writing, they were extremly strict. That is why the first rank holder at that time got only 530. Now they are more relaxed, that is why you got so much mark. This year the first rank is 565 marks. So it is simple. you got this much mark, because they are no longer that strict. Isn’t it true Amma?”
My mother nodded her head and agreed. There was nobody for me. Nobody saw that, I stayed awake every evening from 11pm till 5 AM and studied. Nobody was there to say that, they are proud of me. Nobody was there to say that, it wasn’t easy to have studied a new language and write the SSLC in that language. I hated my mother, for not standing by me and telling my big sister once for all that I am not deaf and dumb and blind.
I was so happy when I saw ur scores. U worked so hard, hats off to u. U need to give more credit to urself.
It’s interesting how this school exam can linger on in our memories. (Not to mention the suicides and what not.) I must also admit to harbouring nostalgic memories from my SSLC days:
wow….529 so many years back! though maria unjustly compared ur marks with her times, you did very well…i have not heard of more than a few people who scored above 500 in sslc before the 1990’s!
for me too, the performance in my 10th was a watershed in my academic life…coz for the first time i gave my family cause to celebrate on that front…i can imagine how hurt u felt. your mom must have been thinking about the expenses of putting you thru college.
hmmm….The many wishes and happiness that you should have got then, its all flowing back to you, you truly deserved it. I am so proud of your achievements.
No one was there to congratulate you, but you always knew yourself.
Its so beutiful to find out that you withstood all the trials in your life and came out of it very successful.
You deserve the best NINA!
Did she ever acknowedge that Nina ?? You are her daughter !! i cannoott cannot imagine people being this way… I really pray and hope that you are just exaggerating. If its not, really there are so many readers of this blog who want to give ur mom and ur sis a BIG PIECE of our mind
Ah I am still following your blog..just that Iam too lazy to comment..
and good show Nina…It happened the other way for me..I used to top the school and in the final exam got the 11th rank..
the previous one was vinodh btw..
ur mom agreed – that was the saddest part
its weird how exams are – i’ve heard a few ppl remark such words when they see children scoring nowadays – no one belives children are putting more time in their studies
i also remember ppl using others marks to show off
She was happy, she teared..
But she spoilt the happiness by agreeing to Maria!! How could she? Wasn’t she equally proud of her daughter?
Glad that you did well in your exams.. now you could do whatever you wanted to! 🙂
Wow what a big moment for you!!! And what a let down from your mom…but perhaps secretly she was happy! I am sure your Dad must have been thrilled 🙂
congrats for securing distinction!! btw chelavu unde :p.. so whn is the treat? :p
I knew u would make it nina. I am so happy u could outbeat ur sister. 529 marks is such an achievement. wow! congratulations!!
-jay
That was superb, Nina. You made it!!! Where did you join after that?
By the way is your official name Nina and pet name Sarah? Usually its the other way.
So Maria did not get her egg biriyani after all! I liked that.
Sarah,
Same happened with me…I was expecting to fail for some papers and i scored highest marks in the school… the happiness ..whoa…esp when none expected me to …
But ur mom and sis…How on earth cud a mom behave so? How? I dont understand…to me one s life is blessed when their kids make em proud….What s wrong with her…
I was waiting for this post. You did it!! you know I feel proud of you. Whatever your people done, just don’t care about it. They dont’ deserve any care.
I also was thinking like revathy. I don’t know how you overcome all these insults. But one thing is there, if they treated you very nicely, you will never get such a good result. Waiting for the rest.
Hope you and your children are fine.
I was waiting for this post. You did it!! you know I feel proud of you. Whatever your people done, just don’t care about it. They dont’ deserve any care.
I also was thinking like revathy. I don’t know how you overcome all these insults. But one thing is there, if they treated you very nicely, you will never get such a good result. Waiting for the rest.
Hope you and your children are fine.
Hey thts a great achievement! Hats Off.. I told my parents after the SSLC exam that I will cross ‘500’. But i was not sure at heart. When the result came.. the same situation.. i could see my Dad’s gloomy face. But i scored 510.. it was such a relief to me..
I was at your blog after quite some time… And feeling really low… all that ill treatment… that too from your own mother… siblings can be vicious but i really haven’t heard of mothers this bad unless they were step mothers a la Cinderella… all that lack of appreciation and discouragement can really kill you… my mom used to curse once in a while and i used to burn but quite Unlike your case its always when i was being extremely provocative and she always came and apologized later ;)…
initially i got the feeling that it was fiction but then somewhere the comments said that they were fact…
anyway hope life is much much better for you these days…
again one more emotional post. we are proud of you nina thomas! but ya we cant give what you wanted at that point of life from whom you wanted..
‘Nina Thomas, the first student in the history of Kerala state school board, who succesfully failed all the 12 papers’. haha.. when i started reading, i got stuck at it and started laughing 😀
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
It was I who remover my own comment due to correction!
I am telling you retroactively, I am VERY PROUD of you!!!
I really can’t understand your mom … couldn’t she at least give you a hug?? I think you had done an outstanding job … it is really sad to have passed something like this – the aftertaste never goes away … I know!
AND NOW I HAVE ON TOP SOME NEWS FOR YOU: I HAVE JUST TAGGED YOU SO … HAVE FUN DEAR!! 🙂
All your hard work paid off.I know it is sad when even your own family does not see it but you were happy for your achievement and I am sure every one else was too.You had to believe in yourself sarah.
Thanu: yeah, I would have been on top of the world, if mother said one time in her life that I was good!
mp:Writing the SSLC was the best part of my life.. I knew I could climb any mountain after tht
Jiby: I scored 49 for all the three science papers and 48 for history and 47 for geo. Any paper that scored over 45 was re-evaluated to find the rank holder at tht time. So you can imagine the heartache, i had, when My sister said, i scored more than her, because of the lenient evaluation..
Alex: I had a father , mother and three sisters, yet I had no one…
Revathy: Why would I exaggerate? When all these have hurt me so much, how would I forget?
Vinodh: Wow.. I lost my rank because of Malayalam and hindi..
Visithra: How could my mother not have seen, how much I worked for tht exam??? How could she agree that I scored more marks because of the system..not because I really worked hard?
Geetha: She was never proud of me.. If Maria lifted her little finger, that was an achievement.. Even if I cut my head off, it would be” Oh..anyone can do that”
Silverine:You know my dad didn’t even know my marks!
Jithu: Shariya.. chilavu undu.. Time machine invent cheytho.. I would like to go back to tht time and celebrate!
jay: Thank you.. I knew I did it..but All i wanted was mother and Maria to agree.. Don’t know why.. But I needed their validation..
Techno: Official is Sarah, pet name was Nina..Now no one calls me Nina anymore..and yes, maria never got Motta biriyani on my account!
Anon: there was nothing wrong with either of them.. They were too busy wrecking my life to see the damages they were inflicting..
Salini: I still don’t know how I survived all those times.. The thought that, i am Methran Thambi’s grand daughter was my manthra.. I coudn’t let myself fail
Aqua: I know the feeling only too well.. I was just so glad to have passed the SSLC
Starscream: thank you for visiting my blog..You know how much ever I hated Maria, she also taught me’you can make or mar your life”.. so i am happy where I am now..
Rocksea: imgine a black and white photograph of me with that headline in Malayala Manorama.. I was so worried….
I love Munich: Thank you and will do the tag
Starry: I only had me to beleive in me and that was really hard, especially when you actually have everyone!
Everyone has that feeling of impending doom waiting for the results..but then the relief when you know you have scored well..that’s heaven…
@jiby : there were so many who scored more than 500 before 1990s..i scored 507 in 1984 (from christ nagar) and there were so many who scored more than that from my school the same year.
I am not convinced at one point. You said you worked so hard and prepared for the exam. You knew how you answered the questions. You should at least be confident that you would pass SSLC. How do you think that you would fail?
well,in this case…it is your sister and mother who are deaf and dumb and blind
HUGZZZ to u :))
What does’nt kill you makes you stronger.
You are what you are today, because of the experiences you had growing up.
I like your style.