When I came back from school, Appa was leaning on the gate and talking to Akashavani. They were cracking jokes and laughing.
When she saw me she smiled at me lovingly. I looked at her and then at my father. I didn’t understand, how the same woman who was forever cursing me can now speak and laugh with my father as though nothing has happend. I didn’t understand how people can change so fast. I didn’t bother to talk to her. I walked inside.
A little while later I saw Appa coming inside. he asked me
“Nina where does your mother keep all the stuff I brought this time?”
“What are you looking for?” I asked him
“The ink pens. Remember the pens with golden nib, pilot pens?”
“Oh that one. It is inside the Godrej cupboard. Why do you want the pen Appa?”
“Aunty Annamma’s( aka Akashavani) son is writing his pre-degree exam this year. So I thought I will give him a new pen”
“You mean kapalanga( papaya)?”
“Nina, why do you call people names?” My father raised his voice
“I didn’t name him, everyone calls him kapalanga(papaya)”
“If everyone jump in front of the train, will you jump too?” Appa was mad at me I quickly walked out of the room. I didn’t want to get beaten up again. But I was sure mad that my father is giving the only man I hate on planet earth a brand new pen.

Appa was still outside talking to Akashavani, when Amma came back from work. I saw both my parents walking together. As soon as Amma reached the veranda, I knew something bad is going to happen. Amma’s face was red with anger.
“Why were you talking to that woman?” Amma asked Appa
“Who are you to ask me that question?”
“Aren’t you ashamed? You have 4 daughters and you are still flirting with neighbourhood women!”
I knew I had to do something. I ran to Maria’s room.
“Maria come fast. Appa and Amma are fighting.”
“Now what happend?” Maria asked me
“They are fighting because Appa was speaking to Akashavani”
By the time we reached the veranda, Appa and Amma were already screaming at each other. I tried to push Appa away and Maria tried to push Amma away.
“Stop it Appa and Amma” Maria spoke.” Why can’t you both stop fighting? Aren’t you both ashamed to fight like this? We children deserve a normal life and that you can’t give Can you? I am here for just 2 weeks. Even for 2 weeks you can’t give me peace of mind” Maria was crying.

“You tell your mother to behave” Appa yelled and went to sit on the easy chair.
Amma still didn’t stop. She muttered
“Old man already. Still can’t control the desires.”
My father is 6 feet tall and weighs 120kg. It took him just a single kick and my mother was on the floor. At that moment I was really glad that Amma got hurt, because if she had just kept her mouth shut, nothing would have happend.
Amma was crying in pain and I felt sorry for her. One moment I was glad that Amma got hurt, the next moment I hated myself for thinking like that. How could I be happy when my mother is writhing in pain. I was angry with myself. I could not understand my own feelings any more. There is something seriously wrong with me. I wanted my mother to get hurt. I quickly walked inside the house. I went to lay down on my bed. I have never hated myself this much. I didn’t know how God will ever show mercy to me when he sees all the sins I have committed. God will surely punish me. I was sure of the hell fire waiting for me.

My parents stopped talking to each other from that day. In a way that was better. If they don’t talk, then there is less chance of fighting.
Maria was going back on tuesday. I helped her to pack. I watched her taking all the pens, pencils, erasers that Appa got for all of us. She even took the ruler Appa got for me by saying that she needs a ruler to draw all the graphs. Then she took my geometry box. I really wanted my geometry box. I was the only one in my class who had a foreign geometry box. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to start another fight. I can always live without a ruler or foreign geometry box.
After she left I felt lonely. I hated Maria, but when she was around, I didn’t feel so vulnerable. Suddenly I felt all the burdens are back on my shoulder. I had to watch out for my parents and my sisters. Earlier there was Akkachi and Maria, Now it was my duty to wake up each morning and check if my mother is still alive.

I was playing with Alice during lunch break. I spotted a single myna near the Cassurina tree. I knew if you spot one Myna it means bad luck.I couldn’t afford to have anymore bad luck. I ran all aound the school ground hoping to spot one more myna. There was not a single myna to be found. The whole afternoon I prayed hard. ‘Lord, please don’t let anything bad happen’. I promised I will light 10 candles at the church on sunday, if he keeps my parents safe.
When I came back from school, Appa was sitting on the veranda. He had Amma’s diary on his hand.
‘oh oh. What did he find? What did Amma write in the diary?’ I didn’t want to be involved, so I quietly tried to walk inside.
“Nina come here”. My father roared.
I walked to where he was sitting
“Who is Aiyappan?” he asked me
“I don’t know” I answered. 1000 alarm bells were ringing in my head.
“You don’t know who is Aiyappan? Then why is your name written under Aiyappan and shows here that paid 300RS?”
I knew I had to tell him the truth.
I told him the whole thing about Aiyappan and how he vanished with our money.
“Ok, you can go inside now. Keep this diary on top of the fridge.” Appa passed the diary to me
I was relieved. Appa didn’t look upset that Amma lost some money and I didn’t think much about it.
When Amma came back from work that evening I heard Appa asking her
“Mary, How do you normally spend the money I send? Did you ever get a chance to invest some money that I send?”
“Invest? Where got money to invest? It is not cheap to raise 4 children. All the money you send go towards buying food and paying the rent” Amma replied.
Oh my goodness. I knew where this is going. Appa is trying to trap Amma.
I tried to get my mother’s attention and tell her that Appa knew about Aiyappan. Amma was not even looking at me. I was shivering. I couldn’t breath.
“Hve you ever lost any money that I send?”Appa asked again
“Why are you asking like this? How can I lose the money you send? I spend all of it on our children. Things are so expensive. One kilo of sugar alone is 4 Rs now.”
“Nina come here” I heard my father calling me
I wanted the earth to open and swallow me. I couldn’t move.
I heard my father yelling again
“Nina come here right now.”
I wished I would have a heart attack and die. I tried to stop breathing, so I would die quickly. It didn’t work. I walked slowly to my slow and painful death.
“Tell your mother what you just told me” Appa ordered
“What?”
“Don’t play dumb. Tell her about Aiyappan.”
I looked at Amma and knew, she would never forgive me. Appa hit Amma a lot that day. He left 2 days later. He never send us money for a very long time. In a way I am responsible that my sisters suffered because we didn’t have money. I deprived them from having a comfortable life.