My son does tutoring to earn extra cash. Often he stays back at school and teach. But sometimes his students come to my house.
This particular student joined us for lunch and while we were having every few minutes his phone pinged. Turns out that his mother was texting him. Did you have lunch? what are you having for lunch? when will you finish? etc etc. She then called him, just to make sure that everything is ok.
My son and I are on the same phone plan that gives us unlimited texts. From January to now, I have sent him 5 texts, all 5 were the same message. I texted him to let him know that I have arrived at his school to pick him up. I don’t pick him up from school often. These 5 occasions were because he was doing his experiment for Physics and could only do after hours due to OSH regulations and I agreed to pick him up.
I probably called Yaya less than 10 times since she left home last August. I know if she needs me, she would send a message on FB and ask me to call her back.
I felt a bit guilty that I don’t do things like other normal mothers do. When his friend left home I told my son
“I must be a very irresponsible mother for not checking up on you regularly”
“No mom, it is because you know I am a very responsible son and that you don’t have to check on me every single second”
It is actually true.
I know my son attended plenty of parties organized by his friends where there were plenty of alcohol and weed. He lets me know in advance that there will be weed and alcohol. It hasn’t bothered me and I haven’t stopped him from attending. My point is that I trust my kids. If they are going to get drunk or smoke weed, I would rather let them do it with me knowing about it than behind my back.
I was a terrible teenager and did a lot of things that I probably shouldn’t have done. Because of that, I am an awesome mom. There is nothing my kids could do that I haven’t done or thought about doing. The thing is, I have never forgotten who I was when I was young. The problem only happens when you forget your own past and try to create an innocent version of you in your kids that never really existed.
I don’t have to check on my kids every second of their life because I know they are responsible. I raised them well.