My oldest sister attempted to video chat with my daughter using a fake name couple of days ago.
I find her attitude wrong for a number of reasons.
First, Yaya is alone at the place where she is staying and imagine a stranger attempting to video chat with you on FB. She was so worked up that she called me immediately and was in tears. My sister had absolutely no right to scare my daughter.
Second, My sister has total disregard for my feelings, I walked away from my family and clearly informed my siblings to leave my children alone.
Let me explain why I walked away.
On the first day of school (three days ago), my son had to stay back at school to mentor the new students. He was hungry and bought a snack pack of Shawarma from a Lebanese store nearby. When he came home, he called his younger sister and gave her half of the snack pack. He even made sure that her half had lamb(her favourite, while he likes chicken) and no spicy sauce(she doesn’t like to eat really spicy food unlike her brother)
With my sisters, this will never happen. My oldest sister sent the link of this blog to my ex-husband while we were in the middle of our messy divorce. There will never be a day where my sisters and I will ever do anything good for each other. My youngest sister wrote to me that I must remember when I am on my begging knees that she will be there. Which was in a way a good thing because I knew I could never ever be on my begging knee. My sister younger to me wrote that I was a failure and should seriously consider my right to a breath.. as it was such a colossal waste. In other words, she felt it would be better for everyone if I just stopped breathing.
I have one chance to raise my children well and I will go to the end of the world to make sure that I protect my children from my family. My kids love each other and care for each other. I also have a good relationship with them.
What my sisters forget is that, I am my children’s mother. They simply can’t do things without my permission I sent my daughter to my sister’s house when she was 4 years old and she came back with blonde hair. My sister bleached and dyed my daughter’s hair without even bothering to ask my permission. What is even more worst is that, she didn’t even do a dye allergy test. How dare she put my child under so much of risk? My daughter was not a play thing. My younger sister and my mother had taken Yaya for a haircut without telling me. Again, I am her mother, I should have some say about my child.
My oldest sister might have a short memory, otherwise she would have remembered not opening the door on a Christmas morning when Yaya visited her. Unfortunately, Yaya has even better memory than me. Do you think she will forget it?
I can give so many reasons why I will not allow my children any contact with my family. My family think that I am using my kids as a mean in our fights. Which is not what I am doing. I am protecting my children from the vengefulness my sisters and I dish on each other in liberal doses. That is not what family is supposed to do and there is no way we will ever have a day where we will treat each other with respect. I had dreamt of a happy family and I have learned to accept that it will not happen.
It would have been great if my children could experience the love and care of their own family. It is not possible with my sisters or my mother and I have accepted that. I have friends who have stepped in and play the roles of aunties, uncles and grand parents. Every year, one of my friends would buy a ticket to Sydney for my son, so our sons can visit her mother who lives in a farm near Sydney and spend time with her. The grandmother dots on my son and they have so much fun together.
My sister younger to me had threatened me and told me that I must ensure that I am in the good books of my cousin in Sabah because in the event anything happened to me, my children will need to be looked after by my cousin..in other words my sister wouldn’t be looking after my kids. I never asked any of my sisters to look after my kids and I will never. My best friend has full custody of my kids if anything ever happened to me and in three years when my youngest turns 18, Yaya will get full custody of her siblings. I am glad my sister sent that email, because it made me evaluate my financial position and today, I probably am the most insured mother among all my friends.
As I said many times, please leave my children alone. I am totally capable of raising them and they have all the love they need.
Leave my children alone. Let it go.