At the age of 19, my grandmother was confined to the four walls of her house because she was a widow. She was forced to wear Suriani Kristiani’s equivalent of widow’s weeds. No one cared if she had any needs. After all it was her fault that her husband died and left her a widow and therefor she had to atone for her sins for the rest of her life. The society didn’t think she had a right to have physical intimacy with a man after the death of her husband.
We have progressed so far the past 50 years, at least widows can remarry now, but still we carry the prejudices associated with sex.
Many believe they ought to keep themselves pure for their husband. What is the guarantee that both of you would be physically compatible? Do you want to spend the rest of your life living with a man who is not the kind of person you thought he would be ( especially in bed)? Don’t you as a woman have a right to have a partner who is compatible with you?
Years ago, I received a mail from a lady who went against her parents wishes and married a guy whom she met online. She wanted to give herself as a gift to her husband and found out that he isn’t what she thought he would be. She mentioned, if only I had tried to have sex with him before marriage, then at least I would have known what I am getting myself in to. She doesn’t want a divorce because that would be telling her parents that they were right all along, that this guy wouldn’t suit her.
Many also get confused with sex and intimacy. Sex is nothing but fornication. Two people who wanted to copulate have sex with each other. It doesn’t normally involve intimacy. Sex and intimacy are mutually exclusive. You can have sex without any intimacy and you can have intimacy without sex. Intimacy is where you feel emotionally close to your partner, where you share your dreams, your fears etc. There is a deeper connection. I don’t think a teenager would even know what is intimacy, but telling them that they are not matured to have sex because they don’t know what intimacy is pointless, mostly because they are only interested in sex as an act..not thinking of the rest of their life with the guy with whom they are having sex with.
Am I advocating pre-marital sex? I believe each to their own. I will not be the parent who would prevent my child from having sex if any of them wanted to after the age of consent because I don’t think having sex is a crime. As a parent, it is my responsibility to teach my children about the importance of safe sex, not getting sexually abused and the power of No.