Some time ago, I had invited an Indian family for a meal. The thing is, I don’t go to church/temple etc, I am not a member of the mallu association and so I don’t really meet other Indian families. I do worry so much about my kids not knowing anything about being an Indian and so do the best I can by inviting acquaintances over for a meal.
Most of my Caucasian friends think that I am exotic and even if I serve plain chicken curry and say it is “maharajah’s special” they will think it is a big thing and that I have been cooking all day ! They also don’t know much about all the accompanying dishes that are meant to be served with a proper Indian dinner..so Maharajah’s special served with ghee rice and raita..few cartons of beer and they think that I did something so special. It takes me less than 30 minutes to cook the meal and I am happy too. Plates are mismatched, forks and spoons are mismatched and no one bat and eye when the dessert is ice cream and is often served in a small Chinese rice bowl.
But it really isn’t the same when you invite an Indian family over for a meal. I am not one who usually cares for what other people think about me, but still, I could never bring myself to serve maharajah’s special and ghee rice. I have to think of the pre dinner snacks, and then make sure there is the standard meat, fish, vege dishes, pappadam, raita and pickle..and then the dessert.
I cooked Chettinadu Pepper chicken, fish cutlets, palak paneer, gobi manchurian, raita and served it with butter nan and ghee rice. It took me a long time to cook all this.
The couple who came for the meal had two children same age as my older two. They came to Australia few years ago..but their children can’t eat spicy food, they don’t like spinach, cauliflower etc.. According to the mother, “my children are fuzzy eaters” Then she spend the next hour telling me how hard it is for her to get her children to eat some food. her children didn’t eat anything and I was really ticked off.
I had a very dear friend and her family over for dinner yesterday. I cooked the same meal..her youngest is 8 and it was such a delight to see her coming for seconds..and the chicken was spicy..and the family is North Indians..
Fuzzy children are created..by parents.
I agree. Totally. My son isn’t as bad as some of the other kids I see. But he won’t ear cabbage or broccoli or half the Curries. He won’t eat cashew or almonds. But I know why he doesn’t eat them. It is the teachers in his school and the ayahs in the day care. They force him to eat. By now he hates all the snacks I put to his school and all the food they make at the day care. But st home, all I have to do is ignore him, and he eats everything. I don’t ask him if he likes it, I don’t tell him to eat anything. If he tells me he doesn’t want something, I tell him not to eat. And when he sees me eat,
I agree. Totally. My son isn’t as bad as some of the other kids I see. But he won’t eat cabbage or broccoli or half the Curries. He won’t eat cashew or almonds. But I know why he doesn’t eat them. It is the teachers in his school and the ayahs in the day care. They force him to eat. By now he hates all the snacks I put to his school and all the food they make at the day care. But at home, all I have to do is ignore him, and he eats everything. Read somewhere, I think Dr Spocks, that children should always eat something because they want to eat it. If a child has trouble eating, it is entirely the parents fault.
URT: I loved Dr. Spock’s ideas. It helped me a lot when my kids were little..
Once I was having lunch with my relatives (mallus). I was visiting my Uncle’s family along with my cousin and her daughter. We were served vegetarian lunch. Cousin said,” my daughter won’t eat anything. She is gonna be so annoyed she can’t have chicken fry. She doesn’t have a meal without a non veg dish.”. The hosts looked uncomfortable and apologised. Then the daughter said, “Amma, will you just keep quiet. I am okay with having vegetarian food”.
Yep, in some situations it’s the parents to blame.
Phoenix: I never understood why Indian parents behave like this..
Sarah: My daughter is going to be 2. She used to eat w/o any major fuss, but once she passed the 1.5 yr mark, she started analysing food by seeing, touching, smelling, and feeling it. I never understood why it is so, cos she started judging food, how good /bad it would taste by the exercise she learned!!! and I am someone who can eat anything in this world w/o any inhibition.(maybe except for reptiles and insects). As I wanted her to thrive on anything, anywhere I had even arranged her childminder to give her beef/pork/whatever she cooks, while other Indian kids are strictly vegetarian and aren’t allowed even to eat toast from there. So where did i go wrong? Now she judges food mainly by looks(which i have never done, even as a child!) i never force her when she does the “gagging act”. i believe if she is hungry she will eat(basic human nature). She has never eaten mango in her childminder’s, so when its mango season, i have tried to give her very tiny pieces of alphonso mango which she gags out. I can see her taking time to think, if i should try it or not, by looking at it, which really gets into my nerves. i can only say “nallathu naykku pidikkilla” in my mind. But she is not at all ‘picky’ in her dresses, till now. So, i dont think all “fuzzy eaters” are created by parents. some kids are very stubborn , starting with food.i can only hope – this too, is a phase, as my daughter is not even 2, yet. (Not sure, if she is copying other kids in her childminder’s)
Swathi: between 1 and 3, all children will gag on food. It is a normal reflex. My paeds prof used to say, “gagging isn’t choking and it is the parents reaction who think the child is choking will make it worst for the child” If she gags on Mango pieces, make smoothie with it..add a bit of ice cream and see if she eats or not. You can even make mango ice cream/mango shrikand..When my kids were 2, they didn’t eat mango pieces, but they loved mango shrikand. ( I buy greek yogurt, hang it in a muslin cloth to drain the whey, add sugar, whip till the sugar dissolves, puree ripe mangoes, mix it with the yogurt sugar mix, serve in a cute bowl with a cute spoon and they loved it.)
This book is very good
http://books.google.com.au/books?id=7gaFnpZGbSkC&pg=PA260&lpg=PA260&dq=toddlers+gagging+on+food&source=bl&ots=xYJw9wOBe4&sig=CoOo7jlqvw0c5q4kBXHt0Qr5ZZg&hl=en&sa=X&ei=cHyuUfW-Mo-PlQWhl4GwBg&ved=0CHMQ6AEwBA#v=onepage&q=toddlers%20gagging%20on%20food&f=false
The only time gagging ever was an issue is with premature babies with sensitive gag reflux..
Sarah:I might have used the wrong word.. It is so evident she is not choking. She purposely retches the food out and spit it out(i don’t know the one word for it.. :-)) IT is so clear that she is acting. I used the puree trick too. She dont eat puree on its own, So i try to mix one spoon of it in her cereal. The moment she catches that puree taste in it, she does the “retching and spitting act” – now the whole cereal goes untouched. Honestly I am not worried about her behavior of this. She has no problem in having prawn crackers, chinese food(in any form) or even the spicy “kurkure” (even i think its too spicy)or dairy milk or even the raw wheat flour dough that we make for chappati. (yes, raw dough!) Usually i never refer books/sites (cos i was raised by my mom, reading child psychologists books, which ofcourse was a total failure! LOL) what i dont understand is how she judges a food by its “looks” – isnt that quite unusual?
Swathi: Nah, I understood what you were saying. But what I was trying to say was, it is how you react that would affect the outcome. Most parents think the child is choking when they are actually gagging and it becomes a big drama. Once the child knows this, they will go on gagging..because they love to twist you on their little finger.
2 to 3 years is a tough time when it comes to their food. I was the most creative when they were that age.
I smiled when I read about raw dough, because I used to make extra dough every time I made chapthi/nan. Some for them to eat raw, some for them to play, some for the birds and for my vcr ( my son loved sticking things in to the vcr)
I read Dr. Spocks. It is one book that saved me. BTW, My amma too majored in child psychology !!
yes Sarah, one thing i missed was the “decoration” and “presentation” part to make it look appealing to her… True..i always ignored that.
Swathi: My kids loved colourful dishes..funny forks and spoons etc. I won half the battle by presentation alone..
i couldnt find an ebook. So, i had a preview(400 pages) in here:
http://www.kilibro.com/book/preview/166045_the-mighty-toddler
Swathi : thanks
I was really mean to my daughter when she was 8 on Onam at her gradmother’s place, when she refused to try all the food on the plate. I refused to let her leave the table without eating one spoon of everything. She rebeled and there was a scene..I stuck to my guns and she eventually gave in (Did I say how big the scene was.. probably everybody hated me).. I learned that day, that I was to blame because, I was feeding her mac n’ cheese and chicken nuggets and fingers and pasta etc, and not giving her any Indian food. Since that day, I made it a rule that she would eat alternate days of Indian food. Today she eats everything.
MS: I don’t cook much of India food during the week days. But every sunday, we have typical ela shappadu, where I make parippu, thoran, pachadi, avial and pappadam and really spicy chicken fry. They each have a thali plate that I bought from walmart in Canada, the older two know to eat using their fingers, but baby still needs a spoon.