I was never fond of TV and when I returned to Malaysia, I didn’t buy one. I only bought a TV after 9/11 and by then I was expecting my third child. I wanted my children to read books and also didn’t want to use TV as a nanny, so I restricted my children’s TV time when they were young.

When we lived in Mumbai, the unit I was renting came with a cable connection and when I called the cable company to disconnect the cable, they send someone to see if I made some illegal connection and was trying to cheat the cable provider.

Last Sunday,after our dinner, I sat on my favourite chair to watch our family Sunday evening program. When my children were little, we watched Three stooges, Popeye etc and munched home made popcorn. Last Sunday, we watched Elementary. Actually, I would have liked to watch The mentalist ( I still have a huge crush on Simon Baker !) which was also on at the same time, but I was voted out.

Yaya wants to work in a pub while she is at the uni, she read somewhere that jobs in the pubs pay the most money and she thinks she will have a better chance of getting a job if she knew how to mix cocktails. I am her guinea pig. She made nutty irish cocktail for me and a mocktail with ginger beer and lemon cordial for herself and her siblings.

As I sipped my drink, I looked at my children, gone were the little kids with chubby cheeks and eager eyes fighting over a bowl of popcorn happily watching a silly cartoon and laughing. Now there are two teenagers and a pre teen and a clueless mother watching a program rated M.

Of couse I knew more than anyone that time flies..but with each new day, I find myself in unchartered waters..dating, sex, drugs, alcohol..and I wish I spend more time to cherish those perfectly oridinary days when my children were little..I will never get them again,

I don’t remember where I read it, but it was said that, it is much better to tell your children “please walk” than “don’t run”. I practiced it when Yaya was little and never used the word “No” and one day when she was about 14 months old she discovered the word “No” and she used it for everything, we had weeks of “No” . When I asked “Yaya would you life to take a nap”

“No” she would reply and promptly went to bed few minutes later. She used to drive me crazy with  her “no”, but eventually I too got converted to say “No” and soon it became “Yaya, take your nap NOW”

Over the years, it has been the one word that causes the maximum drama in my house. It starts with “mom, can I..(add anything here)” and after careful consideration if I said “No”, which immediately gets the reply “why not” and the answer “because I am your mom and I said so”..and then it all goes downhill. The thing is, none of my children come to me with a question that I can say Yes, like, “Mom, can I help you with the laundry?” “Can I cook dinner?” Would you like me to mow the lawn?” They only come to with questions that obviously has a “no” in built in it. Like “Mom, Can I watch MA 15 movie with my friends (my son just turned 13 and he obviously knows I won’t allow him to watch MA 15 till he is 15)

I don’t say “No’ without a rhyme or reason and I expect my children to absolutely understand that when I say No, I mean it. But that has been the one message, they still haven’t got.

I am not fond of kitchen gadgets. However, my friends think that   kitchen gadgets would be the ideal gift to give me because of my love for cooking. I was given a rolling pin that came with a plastic sheet that has various  pie sizes marked on it. So if the recipe calls for 9 inch pie base, you can roll it on the plastic base and get the exact size. But I already have a rolling pin and a marble base that I  have been using for the past 20 years. The marble base doesn’t give the exact 9 inch, but to me, it really doesn’t matter..any excess base is trimmed and I use it to decorate the top of the pie. Recently I was given a garlic press. It takes me less than a minute to peel a garlic, smash it with the cleaver adn chop it to fine pieces. ( Actually the smashing part is very therapeutic, especially when I am angry !)..imagine having to peel a garlic clove, then find the garlic press from the utensil holder, wash both the garlic and the press and then gently place the garlic in the slot and then press both ends..and then wash the various pieces that are part of the garlic press and the knife you used to peel the garlic..Why would I want to do all that when I can chop it much quicker ?

To make my childrens life easier, every year when they ask what I ‘really’ want for Christmas, I always ask ‘buy me something for the kitchen’. When they were little, they gave me a teapot, kitchen towels etc. When Yaya was in grade 5, she saved money for a full year and bought me a spice rack as Christmas gift. ( It is my most cherished Christmas gift) And since then the bar of Mom’s Christmas gift has been raised..and it was with great trepidation I opened their gift last Christmas. They decided to buy me a slow cooker. They also gave me a slow cooker recipe book.

Honestly, what was I going to do with a slow cooker? I am a fast cook and can whip up  a decent meal in less than 30 minutes. Slow cooker isn’t meant for my cooking style. But my kids were eagerly waiting for me to use the gift they bought with so much love and consideration. I had no choice but to use it. So,I made  vindaloo sauce and chucked the meat and sauce in the slow cooker and left it to do what it is supposed to do one Sunday morning. ( I also made pizza base for that just in case scenario, because being the smart one, I knew the slow cooker isn’t going to work and is a waste of time and money). I went on to do my chores. By evening, there was the best vindaloo curry in the slow cooker. It smelled amazing and the kids said the meat was very tender and full of flavour.

And now, before leaving home each morning, I chuck the dinner in to the slow cooker and when my kids get back from school in the evening, there is always something hot for them to eat.

Slow cooker saved my life. ( I never thought I would say that !)

My condo unit in Malaysia is in the area known as Golden triangle. My kitchen window faced one of the side roads and every day I would keep Yaya on the kitchen counter and together we watched what I called ‘view from the kitchen window’. People old and young rushing here and there, cars zipping by, roti man on his bike and tooting the horn and the birds.There was an Oriole nest on the tree by the roadside and we watched the oriole flying back and forth to the nest and in the evening we went for a walk to see if the chicks hatched.

Usually whenever foreign dignitaries visits KL, the main streets get a face lift. The flags of the foreign country will fly along side the Malaysian flag from all the lamp posts..there will be more hanging plants, flowers etc, This beautifying process is only reserved for major roads. I can’t remember who the dignitary was ( ? Gusmao), but it was said that particular visit, he might want to visit the market in the side street near my home. Water tankers were send to clean the pavement. All the hawkers were removed and even the missing bricks on the pavement were replaced. It was all good and I hoped more foreign dignitaries will decide to visit the market.

And that is when I noticed that, in the quest of beautifying the street, some bright spark felt the beautiful tree growing on the side street is an eye sore and had to be chopped down. The oriole nest was still there and I took Yaya and went  to the guys who were all set to chop the tree and showed them the nest. They laughed at me  and then told me “Mahathir’s order”  I  tried to explain to them that, Mahathir will never order to chop a perfectly functioning tree. They destroyed the nest and chopped the tree..price for idiocy.. As I walked back to my Condo, I told Yaya ” there is a native american saying , only when the last tree has been cut down, the last river has been poisoned and the last fish has been caught, people will learn that you can’t eat money” She was 3 + years old then.. I didn’t think she understood what I was saying.

Sometime ago, Yaya had to present a paper..and this is what she wrote.

There are two sides to every coin, on one side you have money as en enemy and on the other side, it is a friend and since time immemorial it has been said that you should keep your friends close and your enemies closer. However, in today’s society the line between friend and foe has worn extremely thin and you can no longer tell them apart.  It only takes a flip of the coin for money to change from your friend to your enemy or vice versa.

SHOW FILM ( Sorry, I don’t know how to upload the film)

The main issue of today’s society is the fact that we let money control our lives; what we do, how we think etc. Such is the case in the poem This Man by poet Celo Kulagoe of which I have been fortunate enough to find and interpret it into a modern day issue that needs to be addressed. This is what I am here to talk about at the xxxxx in xxxxx Exhibition today and I thank you for inviting me here to express my opinions. We’ve all been told that money can’t buy happiness. Maybe it can’t, but it can buy a house, food and clothing all of which bring us comfort which is pretty darn close to happiness. Sure we could possibly live without these things but ask yourself; wouldn’t you rather live in a nice, comfortable house rather than on a park bench? But on the other side of the coin we explore how money brings the complete opposite of happiness.

 “Monetary income is one measure of a person’s contribution to society and an incentive to make a greater contribution”, an anonymous quote.

It is a natural human instinct to want to participate and contribute to the community, to see it improve and develop, and this is the real reason of our need for money. However we, as a society have for far too long obsessed over the material things and have forgotten this true nature of why we need it. We have become so obsessed; we completely overlook how it controls our lives. Haven’t we all heard that big things come in small packages? Who would have thought that a single coin could control the human population?

I have chosen an instrumental version of the rap song ‘Aim for the Head’ by Cassidy because its mood and tone match that of my poem, it has a steady melancholy beat to accentuate the frankness of my video. The images I have chosen in my interpretation of this poem depict the ways money is powerful, the many ways in which we are tied to money and the ways in which we are trapped by it.

I have used pictures that represent the children in Africa who have nothing but still manage to be happy while we the western civilization, are consumed with our need for money. In reality these children are the most powerful for they bring meaning to the phrase “Money can’t buy happiness”. The next image consists of an ant to show that money, like an ant, is small but it is always much stronger than expected. I believe that we are controlled by this material worth just like a TV is by a remote; at the press of a button thus an image of a TV remote was used. Though we grace money with a high value we also use it as a punching bag, target it for all our problems and blame it which is why I have chosen to use an image of a target.

In the poem money is referred to as a friend that helps our society- the people and countries grow. The line, “He is extremely decorative, he puts on all kinds of ornaments,” describes the way in which money can be deceitful in its many disguises and this is why I have selected a photo of a mask.

Now we flip back to the other side of the coin and see that though it controls us, this is not always a bad thing as:

“Money can also be an enabler of freedom in that it gives you choices you would not otherwise have and the means to exercise those choices.”, an anonymous quote. Thus I have chosen to include an image of a bird leaving its cage because like the bird, we are given the freedom of choice.

In conclusion, “Only when the last tree has died and the last river been poisoned and the last fish been caught will we realise we cannot eat money”– a Cree Native American Proverb. We don’t see how we are controlled by money, how we are tied to it whether it be a friend or an enemy and through this we have forgotten the real reason we need it.

End.

When I read the last para, I realized how much of an impact parents play in their children’s life and I asked her where did she hear the Cree quote?  She said ” Mom, You remember the annai cutting the tree near our house in KL that had the Oriole’s nest? You told me the quote that day”

I don’t really look like a mallu, neither do I act like one. But that doesn’t mean that I am not a mallu.. there is so much in me that can really be classified as mallu traits.

Steaming hot kanji and payar thoran ( making it even more authentic if it is served  in an old pinjanam pathram) can quickly cure an affliction of melancholy..

Or that heaviness in my heart that appears every season..In march, I miss the summer in Kerala, in June it is the first rain of the season, in Aug it is onam and in December I miss the Christmas in Kerala. The Malayalee in me is still very much alive..and now my children are decimating it by the minute..

It all started with Yaya coming to me for my opinion.

“Does this top go well with my jeans?” She asked. Simple question that had a very simple answer. “Yes” I said.

“Are you sure, Mom?”

I nodded my head and our in-house  Gecko too agreed and clicked his tongue. ” See, palliyum chilachu” I said.

“What?” She asked.

Obviously I had to translate and I told her that the gecko also agreed with me by clicking its tongue.

I wish I could explain the look on my daughter’s face. “Seriously mom, you became a doctor and still rely on gecko?”

For my child, gecko clicking its tongue is nothing but a physiological phenomenon. But I grew up with it. The decisions we took in our life were dependent on the gecko. If we were going to do something important and the gecko clicked its tongue Ammachi/Amma/Appa  etc would stop whatever they were doing and say “gulikan chilachu”.. It was a warning..it was also a sign of someone saying truth. I never thought of asking the scientific reasons for the belief..neither did I really care what the gecko’s tongue clicking means.. But the clicking sound defined who I am..It connected me to the members of my family..It was a belief that carried over generations..Whether I lived in Chengannur house or in Brisbane..when I hear a gecko clicking its tongue..a part of me still says..”gulikan chilachu”

Sadly, gulikan and its clicking will end with me..

My sister younger to me always felt she was the unwanted middle child, the black sheep of the family and much as I always tried to explain to her that it is not true and that she is the 3rd of 4 kids and technically can’t be a middle child, she never accepted it. I have always been mindful about my son having the middle child syndrome and ensured that the rules were same for all three of my kids. But he knew just how to push it.

Every Saturday when we went to the pasar Malam ( night market), I bought nail polish for the girls and some toys for my son. But he never worried about his sisters not having toys, he complained bitterly that I was being unfair when I didn’t buy nail polish for him. When I said boys don’t usually use nail polish, he said “then buy it for my wife” ( he was about 4 yrs old then !)  He also wept bitter tears for having only one piece of swimming outfit ( shorts)when his sisters had two ( bikini!)

The three traits that I find the most annoying in my son are ..complaints, comparisons and being a tattle tale.

I think the one sentence that still gives me the heebie jeebies would be my sisters saying ” innu kittikollum” ( you will ‘get it’ today), often after I did something I wasn’t meant to and they are aware of it and are waiting for Amma to return to tell on me and get me in to big trouble. Only those who has received the punishment after waiting for it for hours know how the wait felt..the impending doom.. Tattling causes the biggest disharmony among siblings and I was determined not to encourage it. When my kids were little, I didn’t react when they tattled on each other..and eventually they understood snitching on each other was a total waste of time..But lately my son seems to be only interested in tattling.

Because my iphone has been used/misused to play various games, when I bought my Ipad, I told the kids “it is mine and don’t even touch it”..Obviously my dictates have very short life span and soon my youngest really wanted to borrow my ipad because she could download the books free from epubbud instead of buying it on kindle. I let her on a condition that she will not download any games on my ipad. 30 minutes later my son calls me to tell me that “mom, ‘met’ is playing games on your ipad” Surely, he felt the need to be the in-house policeman..and make his sisters hate him. I am not saying that my daughter was right to download games when I told her already not to. I was so mad at both of them, but since I wasn’t home, I told him I will deal with it when I get back home. I wasn’t surprised at all to find him playing games on my ipad when I returned.  He didn’t think that if he thought his sister shouldn’t be playing the game on my ipad, then it is the same rule for him too. He finds faults in his sisters..but not his own.. Every day he finds something new to tattle..and I wish he would stop..

Kids have school holidays and only during hols that they don’t have basket ball games in the weekend. Because they are all in different teams ( age wise) and have different schedule, I spend most of my weekends at the game venue. Yesterday, I thought I will take them for fishing. I woke up early, cooked Nasi Lemak  and Rendang and waited for them to wake up. Eventually they woke up.about 12 noon and when they saw the picnic basket, they started complaining “Why didn’t you wake us up early?”

I didn’t wake them up because I know they went to bed very late. When I went to bed at 2 AM,Yaya was watching “gossip girls” on her laptop, my son and baby were talking about the latest Pokemon game, Because it is school holidays and that they are no longer babies, I let them stay up as long as they want to. This staying up late in to the night is nothing but a new thing for them to discover..Ah ! the thrill of not going to bed all night..( I have done it and learned  that no proper sleep for few nights equals a bad migraine and I know my children will eventually find out the hazards of no sleep themselves..like Amma used to say ippathan arinjillenkil, pinne than ariyum.. While I waited for them to wake up, I read the newspaper. I usually never get the chance to read the weekend edition.

Because they woke up late and you don’t really catch a lot of fish mid afternoon, we decided to go for a  drive. We went to Jacob’s well. http://www.visitgoldcoast.com/places-to-see/jacobs-well/

I served lunch and watched Yaya doing the same thing she has done from the time she was 3 years old. She mashed the egg yolk completely and mixed it with the rice and that is the only way Yaya eats Nasi Lemak. You should have seen the happiness on her face.

“Mom, do you remember the Nasi Lemak seller at Ampang point?” She asked.

I nodded my head. Every Friday, her brother had soccer practice and while he was busy, I took Yaya and baby to Ampang point to  eat Nasi Lemak. Then too,Yaya ate the Nasi Lemak with the egg yolk mashed in to the rice. And she ate all the rice in the packet that is not mixed with the sambal and wiped her tears with the back of her palm every time she ate a grain coated with the sauce. I still remember how her bracelet charms  used to jingle every time she wiped her tears. The Makcik who owned the shop would sympathise with Yaya ” Spicy Ah?” and Yaya would grin and say “Ya”,  this to be repeated the very next Friday.

After the lunch, kids went to walk in the beach and  I found a sunny spot to sit down and read my book. It was pretty windy and was getting colder and though I did find a sunny spot, I couldn’t read. I watched my babies..there were little kids in their swim suits and sun hats carrying spades and buckets and making sand castles..They weren’t mine. At one time, mine did the same..but now they are in their shorts and Tshirts..walking among the adults..that it all happened too soon.. One minute she wiped her tears while eating Nasi Lemak and now….she asks why didn’t you make the sambal spicier?

In two years, Yaya will join University.. I can’t actually imagine my life without Yaya in it everyday. I can’t actually imagine not making Nasi Lemak with extra eggs ( she only eats boiled eggs with nasi lemak and only eats the yolk, so I always boil extra eggs for her). I know life is a cycle and all this is expected, but I don’t know why, tears welled up in my eyes. Then I saw her walking towards me and I quickly wiped my tears.

She must have noticed my Rudolph nose ” yo mozza, sup?” She asked. ( Oh, we are in gangster mode lately)

“Nothing” I replied.

She came, sat down next to me and asked ” What is it Mom?” and I told her the truth, that I can’t imagine a life without her..

“Mom, I don’t get it” She said. “Why do people have kids, when they know that the kids will leave one day?”

I smiled and told her ” It is just to see them smashing a perfectly round egg yolk to smithereens”..

I am no greenpeace warrior, but I was determined to do my part, so my children and their children will have a better earth to live. I was very conscious of all my actions. I recycled whatever that can be recycled ( including permission slips from school that I was meant to sign), reused what can be reused. I didn’t even buy hardwood furniture when we were living in Malaysia because I didn’t want to encourage the rapid deforestation that was happening in Malaysia.

Here, I still shop at my local hardwood store where the price is about 12% more than the major retailers. The little guys will only surivive the David and Goliath fight if we support them. I buy Australian made products even though they are expensive and kind of cheat me by adding the cost of the package to make the product Australian. ( ‘Product of Australia’ label can be used if 50% including the packaging of the product is Australian!).

All is well, so I thought, till Yaya and toothless started coming with me for my weekly grocery shopping.

First they went after the meat and added extra 30% cost to my weekly bills by only buying organic meat. I didn’t say anything.

Then it was the juice ( sugar content). Did you not see the amount of sugar in the juice? they asked. I didn’t say anything

Then it was my almond milk ( it only has 2% almond and the rest lime water or something like that). You really should make your own almond milk, they said and I didn’t say anything.

Eventually, we reached the cleaning aisle.

I have OCD. I don’t like greasy kitchen counter and I am a fan of ‘Bam’ Every night before going to bed, I spray it on the hob,exhaust and all the cupboard doors, fridge door and the sink, give it all a quick wipe and rinse and  I go to bed dreaming of heaven. It is the same with my clothes. I think this particular obsession I inherited from my mother. All the whites had to be Ujjala white !! And I buy the best soap with those extra enzymes that does what it is supposed to do. “But Mom, do you know what damage the phosphates can do to the environment? Have you thought of the fishes?? and after a quick check on her phone, I got more words of wisdom. “a dash of vinegar and water is all you need to clean the house”

We bought earth friendly soap that didn’t even come with a plastic scoop ( How was I supposed to know that earth friendly soaps expect you to reuse the plastic scoop? I recycled mine along with the empty soap container!). But that is not all, My whites came out of the washing looking like I didn’t wash it. It had a yellow hue..like I rinsed it it muddy water..

I don’t know how a dash of vinegar removes grime. I tried full concentration vinegar, the grime is still there and vinegar bottle is half empty.

Years ago, when I was studying in England and worked as a Nanny part time, one of my job was to do the grocery shopping before picking up the kids. I had to refill the empty original weet-bix box with store brand weet-bix as the kids I was looking after only ate original weet-bix.

I didn’t know how to dispose the contents of a box of earth friendly soap in the most enivironmentally friendly way. Should I dump it in the drain or in the bin? I opted for the bin because it will take time to reach the fish from the landfill. ( besides none of my kids will touch the bins, part of their OCD)

I now have a spray bottle of  dash of vinegar with water on display and a bottle of real Bam under the sink. hidden behind the recycle bin. I also have triple concentrate enzyme soap in my earth friendly soap container.

And I am back to dreaming of heaven with everything gleaming and shining.. ( and feel a bit guilty too for cheating my kids)

Ah, we are going around in circles..

I think I still haven’t got the message across.

My points are..

My mother almost chose not to have me.

Her uncle who is a doctor agreed with her. She had the full support of the medical community and her family. If it wasn’t for a second opionin, I wouldn’t have been born. And I went through enough abuses over the years for that mistake.

My point as it was in the beginning and till now is..who would have fought for my rights to be born? All except my grandfather thought about my mother’s needs, not mine. ( And then he died two days before my birth and left me with further burden, valliappantey thalem kondupoyi!)

The one person who has the right to save me also had  the right to kill me.. but I still had no right..My right only came after I was born. But I had a heartbeat at 6 weeks. I was alive for all intent and purpose. But still, I had no right..

It is that “right”, my right..the right of all unborn children..that is the point here..Society took away that right by saying

It is woman’s body, she has the right. ( as you can see from the previous comments, that isn’t true)

A child shouldn’t be brought in to the world to be abused ( millions of children are still abused who were born in to ‘normal’ family. I am not saying that we need to add one more child to that list, but to say that there is a chance the child get abused, so let us get rid off it is ridiculous. What if the mother loved her child and didn’t abuse the child)

Disability ( we will go to the end of the world to take care of our children who were born healthy and has some major illness, every western country has efficient health care system and a very good support system. The advance in medicine and education means that, there are options for disabled children to live a very fruitful life.)

Mother is not ready ( No mother is ever ready..it is a learning process..and if she really can’t handle her baby, there is always adoption)

Adoption and abuses ( I think it really is insulting to all the parents out there who has adopted a child to assume that they abuse their children. Abuse isn’t a territory of the adopted/childen in care homes. Abuses happen in ‘real’ families too. But since one can’t visit all the normal  homes and do a study, the statistics of abuse will always skew towards the ones who can be checked.)

Foetus isn’t a baby ( difference between a baby and a foetus is dependent on the mother. If she really wanted the baby, she will ask the doctor to save her baby at any costs, if she didn’t want it, it becomes a mass of tissues that should be removed. But it is still the same thing )

And to wrap it again..the right you so much want to give the mother takes away the right of the little person that is growing in her womb because of the reasons given above. I am only asking, who will fight  for the right of the little person? Why is the rights only given to those who can voice their concerns?

Before you comment, Please understand, it isn’t about winning or losing an argument..it is really about my right to be born..that who would have fought for my right to be born? Society, law, doctors all grant the mother to make that choice..that was my point..abortion isn’t a god given right to the mother because there really is a person growing in her womb..though it  gets called various names like a foetus or baby or mass of tissues..But it is still a person..and that person has a right to live. That right was taken away from that person by the same person who chose to have sex and conceive.

I don’t know how many of you would have heard of Eli Reimer

http://www.news.com.au/travel/news/downs-syndrome-boy-sets-everest-record/story-e6frfq80-1226612061741

As medicine gets more advanced, it will become much easier to identify foetus with disability without using invasive methods. Designer babies are already a trend. Eventually we will live in a perfect world where we can pick the colour of the babies eyes to the required IQ levels. That is what Hitler hoped to achieve. Perfect world with superior race.. Children like Eli Reimer will not get a chance to be born..and there will be no one to fight for their right to be born.

As a doctor, I follow the declaration of Geneva to be my guideline ( it has been amended many times, but I like the original version better because at the time it was written it was meant not to ever let Hitler’s atrocities happen again)

At the time of being admitted as a Member of the medical profession:

• I solemnly pledge to consecrate my life to the service of humanity
• I will give to my teachers the respect and gratitude which is their due;
• I will practice my profession with conscience and dignity;
• The health and life of my patient will be my first consideration;
• I will respect the secrets which are confided in me;
• I will maintain by all means in my power, the honor and the noble traditions of the medical profession;
• My colleagues will be my brothers
• I will not permit considerations of religion, nationality, race, party politics or social standing to intervene between my duty and my patient;
• I will maintain the utmost respect for human life, from the time of its conception, even under threat, I will not use my medical knowledge contrary to the laws of humanity;
• I make these promises solemnly, freely and upon my honor.

The last but one point has always been my moral compass.

When my mother was expecting me. she had mumps. Being the well read woman that she is, she knew there was a chance her unborn child could have “issues”. She spoke to our family doctor who is also her uncle and he too felt it wasn’t safe/worth to continue the pregnancy. My maternal grandfather  wanted a second opinion and spoke to the Travencore royal family physician and he said “because my mother is past the crucial first 3 months, there are less chance the baby would have “issues”,  It was only because the second opinion was given by a highly respected physican that I am here to tell my story.

How dare any of you think that I had no right to be born and that because my mother lent me her womb, it is her perogative if I could or couldn’t live.

How dare any of you assume that just because your mother gave you birth willingly and mine unwillingly, my life is not worth just as much as yours?

How dare you condemn innocent children because you think you own your body and can play the role of judge and jury?