Ah, the guilt !

Few weeks ago, it was my son’s turn to cook a proper dinner ( in lieu of $10) and  he decided to make ginger beef. I didn’t want to stand next to him and watch over him, but at the same time, I really didn’t have the courage to leave him to do the cooking all by himself.

So I sat in the living room and within 5 minutes I could smell something burning. I went to investigate. The pot was on the fire on full heat, smoking away to glory. It was because, my son has seen me do the same from the time he was little. When I go in to the kitchen, the first thing I do is to turn the stove on and heat the pan ( medium heat) for you see I know exactly where I keep everything and by the time I slice the onion, the pot would be hot enough for me to continue with my cooking. ( I can’t stand getting everything cut in advance  and then wait for the pan to heat)


I have always felt that even though my children have their own personality, they will still pick up the good and bad from me. And I have tried to set a good example for them. I have never dieted in my life, never worried about my appearance etc. I have always talked to my children about eating healthy food and always ensured that I cook healthy meals. However, I am obsessed with my weight  (in a passive way) I check my weight everyday and if I have gained weight, I go for a swim. If the water is too cold, then I go for a walk. I never ever said I am fat, it is just that I have always been 52 kg and prefer to maintain it. .And now I feel terribly guilty about baby’s body image issue.I keep thinking,.Is it because of me?

2 thoughts on “Ah, the guilt !

  1. Hmm…kids pick up on more than we expect them to, without even saying a word.

    Perhaps the weight thing for you is a passive obsession – but it’s still an obsession right? Perhaps Baby hasn’t actually heard you criticise your own body but picked up on the other cues? I think you have done great in terms of teaching them to be self-sustained and about health – but I think perhaps being healthy isn’t about a number on a scale. It’s about emotional, physical, spiritual and mental health as well and how you FEEL. That is also just as important then what you weigh and the decisions you make from it.

    I wonder what you would do/feel if you threw away the scale?? Trust me I know there is a lot of emotional baggage attached to that one tiny piece of machinery. Try it perhaps – maybe for week or a month and see if that changes your outlook (and Baby’s too?)

  2. Sig: This love for weighing scale goes way back..My grand aunt and aunt were college beauties of their time and both went through years of depression after they had kids and gained weight ( 20 years apart!).They were never the same after they had kids…I didn’t want to go through what they went through, when it was easy to prevent it from happening..The thing is I am worried that I don’t have an excuse to be anything heavier than 52 kg. It is my ideal weight! So the scale is not the problem.. it is me..

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