My mother is so stupid. There I said it.
All through my childhood and adulthood, her matra was “nee onnum enne nokkanda, enikku government pension kittum”
I don’t remember which movie, I heard this, but I think it was innocnet who said, “you can live all your life without anyone, but when you die, you will need at least four people to carry your body to the grave”
My mother never thought of her old age. How could she not think of her own old age and who would take care of her, even if she gets pension from the government? Money is not enough. You need a home and you need family.
My father is very wealthy and owned large tracts of land and Amma fought with him and ended up with nothing, despite being married to him for more than 40 years.
My sister owns a house in India and Amma stayed there for a while and created hell for my sister. She closed centuries old access road that people used to access their farming land and my sister had to sort it.
Amma bullied each and every one of the maids/farm workers my sister hired and they all left. She even got her aged care staff, hired specifically to take care of her to weed the field.
Few days ago when I called her, she mentioned that the aged care carer service provider had sent a new staff with her current carer to train the new staff and Amma fought with him. Apparently she doesn’t want to be the guinea pig. ( not sure what she meant)
My sister had enough. I don’t blame her
So, Amma is now going to be sent to an aged care facility somewhere in Kerala.
I am applying for the sponsored parent visa for her here. It will take time and I am actually scared. I can’t afford to stay home and take care of her. I have to earn and support my children while they are studying.
Once when Yaya was 9 or 10 years old, I scolded her for something and she looked at me and told me
“I want you to remember that as your oldest child, it is going to be me who will choose your retirement home, so be careful)
That particular day, there was an article in Vancouver Sun that a man had been collecting his mother’s pension and carer allowance and was keeping the old woman in his untreated garage in Toronto. Yaya and I talked about that incident prior to her telling me off.
The truth is, my children love me. But it is also true that what goes round does in fact come around.
Treat your children well, they might still be there for you in your old age.
Also, at least make sure you have enough funds to take care of yourself in your old age. Invest in a home and in your retirement.